Tuesday, 25 October 2011
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Advice: Just a Friend?
I met CJ in high school. When I say "met," I mean that I know of his adorable existence, and we never talked, not even once. He was a senior, so we didn't have any classes together, and I was too busy with my boyfriend at the time to notice any guy in the hallways.
Fast forward 3 years, my new boyfriend at the time happened to be friends with CJ, and invited him to dinner for our Christmas party. That, was my first time actually reconnecting with CJ. We went to the same high school, and same university, but we never talked until then.Somehow, we started chatting online, and all of a sudden, CJ and I are best friends. I couldn't figure out exactly how. He told me our friendship means a lot to him, and he means a lot to me too. However, I can't help but to feel there's something more. I have reasons to rely on CJ, I tell him everything, I tell him all my boy problems, I ask him for advice, he always encourages me whenever I need, even at times my own boyfriend refuses to be there for me. CJ never confided very much in me. Why was my friendship important to him? I couldn't answer.
CJ would always tell me about girls that he goes on dates with. Girls that he's interested in, not interested in, what kind of girl he's looking for...and trust me, I don't fit very well in his description, at least, in one of the most important categories - religion. Whether I was single, or in a relationship, CJ and I would still watch movies together. We'd go to dinner, and we'd hang out in the most platonic way. Whether I was taken or not, CJ never once made a move on me. When I was crying over my ex, CJ would take public transit just to see me and hug me while I cry.I thought CJ does this to any girl, to any friend, simply because he's a nice guy, but he told me he doesn't do these things for just "anybody." I can't figure out what makes me so special.
Am I just a good friend? Or is there something more? Any thoughts?
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- From: love_hate_whats_new
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Comments (14)
hahah that could mean something more. i have been there sorta like this and i was confused myself.. yes. if you and him both feel something and there is something more to it
My guess is there may be something more here but he's either attempting to conceal it or he's oblivious to his own feelings and attraction.
It's also possible that this case is the exception and really is just a solid, good guy and values your friendship.
Speaking for myself I'm similar to how CJ is behaving (not saying I have his attitude because I don't know what it is). I'll do just about anything for my close friends whether it's traveling across London to console them after a breakup or to help them move new furniture into their flat; regardless what gender they are. Everything will be strictly platonic and nothing more. But I have had instances where some female friends misinterpret the meaning behind my gestures and I either have to clarify that I have no interest in them or in some cases, just end the friendship.
Best advice I can offer is to just simply talk to the guy. Ask him if you are strictly platonic or if he's looking for something more.
Sounds like he's just a good friend. If you've known him for this long and he's had any number of opportunities to drop the "I like you" bomb and hasn't, I'm pretty sure he's not interested.
Tough to tell, not enough to go on. Hey may just be a friend or you two could have the potential for something more to go along with what sounds like an amazing friendship. Either way, he sounds like a great guy you should keep around in your life for the long haul.
All I know is that relationships built on great friendships like these are always the best ones... but that doesn't mean you should jump to any conclusions. If you like him romantically you might want to drop a hint.
It's normal for a guy to want to have a platonic friendship with a girl, though.
id take it as just friends. if he liked you, he'd probably be attempting to make something happen at some point.
I plan on marrying a guy who was once a lot like this someday... but that does NOT mean you should jump to any conclusions.
Why don't you just talk to him to clear the air? There is nothing wrong with you just ASKING him flat out, no need to build suspense or romance into reading between the lines, when it just sounds like he might be just really valuing your friendship. You said it yourself, Religion seems to be the main thing that you don't fit in his "category of 'must-haves'" then unless you're willing to convert to whatever he is faithful for, perhaps you should just ASK.
Hmm...I spent, literally, years trying to figure this one out. Can't say I recommend it...
First off, he could just be a good friend. And you have to be able to be ok with that before you move on. This is a possible outcome.
But, he might be interested in more; you don't know until you ask. Perhaps he's oblivious to his feelings (it does happen). Or perhaps he feels the attraction but thinks there are life factors (e.g. the religion thing) that preclude your being together romantically. Or perhaps he is attracted and doesn't see anything in the way of your trying.
Basically talking about it is your best option. But you can't guarantee an outcome either way. And be prepared for a few awkward days/weeks following that conversation >_> They are possible but not easy to get through.
He's a best friend. (: Who says you can't have a supportive figure in your life?? Once you find someone like him who also happens to be attractive- that's 'soul mate' material right there. (:
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That's a really good friend. I think you shouldn't overthink it. Be happy you have him because there's not a lot of people out there who would do that. It's definitely possible that you are just a friend to him so don't think too much of it. He is the kind of friend everyone needs. However, if he does turn out to have feelings for you and if you say no, don't lose this friendship. I've confessed my feelings for a close friend once and we're still really good friends. My point is stay focused on the present. That he is there for you. That he is reliable. No need to delve any deeper unless you want to pursue a romantic interest with him.
i have a really great friend like that too. but nothing more than a really great friend who i will always wonder how they are doing, and if they are safe and happy. but nothing more than that. it sounds like you still have a little one sided crush on him - maybe because you see him as someone amazing and an ideal support system, which everyone needs, who, over all these years and through all you have been through has stayed uncomplicated, undramatic, and unstressful that these feelings in you are coming up. but in my humble opinion, i wouldn't do anything to make this amazing friendship awkward. value it for what it is unless he says something, or you realize that you want him in a different (bow-chika-wow-ow) context.
I've been in a very similar situation and the end result was that in the beginning we were truly just friends until he caught feelings for me but didn't wanna tell me cause he didn't wanna ruin our friendship. CJ probably doesn't want anything to ruin what you guys already have. Best thing to do is just simply ask him, it won't kill ya.
I think your relationship means something more to him. Ask him if you're curious. Do you have feelings for him too?