Sunday, 23 October 2011
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3 Things I've Learned About Dating and Relationships
1. Personality is the most important aspect of a relationship.I used to think that in relationships, if our music tastes were similar and we liked the same things, that determined our compatibility. Since then, I've met lots of guys who have AMAZING music taste, but are selfish, or self-obsessed, or shallow. It was disappointing to discover that part of their personality, but I quickly moved on.
My current guy and I have pretty different tastes in music and entertainment (he likes some pretty weird stuff haha), but I like being with him because he is a gentleman, he helps me carry stuff when we're together, he is funny- like really funny, and he is intelligent. I also like that whenever I'm over at his place, he doesn't complain when I leave dirty dishes and cups for him to wash after I leave (though I really should start washing my stuff).
2. Mutual respect should be in the relationship.
In the past, I met some guys who were fun to hang out with and attractive, but no offense, I thought they were losers because they would spend hours and hours surfing the Internet, on Reddit, or playing video games by themselves.
I respect my boyfriend very much. He is a really smart guy, and best of all, he thinks I'm smart too. I don't understand the things he studies in school (science/math anyone?), but I appreciate what he does.
3. Your attitudes should be similar, but a little disagreement in some areas leaves room for fun discussions.
What I mean is political views, and degrees of open-mindedness. A guy that I was once seeing thought I was aggressive/a rebel for talking back at a security guard once. I thought he (the guy) was a wuss because he DIDN'T talk back even when the security guard clearly didn't know what he was doing. Also, in Ontario, security guards aren't really allowed to arrest you, so what's the worst that could have happened? Clearly, our views on authority were different, and now I had lost a little bit of respect for him because he wasn't acting much like a man, when he should have been.
My SO and I disagree on a variety of issues, but these are subjective issues that don't really matter too much in the long run. Obviously, it'd be awesome if we could agree on everything, but relationships are never perfect, and these are little issues. For example, I think that illegal downloading of music doesn't support the artist, while he justifies illegal downloading by going to their shows and buying a t-shirt. (I am hoping he changes his view on this sometime, but I know this will probably not happen haha).
***Bonus content: I was talking to an old lady at the mall, and she told me that when you get married, you should make sure that you get along with your family-in-law. Apparently, they blamed her for many things... which I imagine couldn't have been pleasant for her.
What are some things you've learned about relationships?
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About the Author
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- From: ProjectHappy@xanga
- Name: Jessica
- Location: Canada
- About Me: My name is Jessica. When I'm old, I want to be that cool grandma that has all the good stories to tell. I don't want to just live, I want a life; one that is filled with meaning, passion, and love.
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Comments (10)
From my last relationship I also learned that it's important to get along with your significant other's family - because if you get married, then they are your family also. My last boyfriend's parents were snobby and uptight, and looked down on me - part of the reason I soured on the idea of marrying him was because I couldn't imagine our families being together on holidays (my parents are actually fun :P). My current boyfriend's family is not well off like his was, but his parents are laid back and have good senses of humor. :)
Your story about the security guard made me laugh, because it also reminded me of my ex. We were driving together once and I got pulled over for "running a stop sign" (I'm from Jersey, and I guess PA police don't like rolling stops much. XD). My boyfriend sat next to me in the passenger seat literally flipping out and rambling about how the state police scared the crap out of him. Then, after I had gotten my ticket and we went on our way, he yelled at me for the next 20 minutes about how stupid I was to screw up and get pulled over. Any guy who nearly pisses himself at the sight of a cop and freaks out like that over a minor traffic ticket is definitely too high strung and wussy to handle the ups and downs of marriage and...well, life. lol
So in short...I agree with what you wrote.
Awesome sex is important.
Very interesting read! I would also add that it actually is important to have physical attraction, as well as emotional stimulation; In a relationship, you need to have both of those things, along with respect for your partner. If there's no chemistry, it just won't work.
Amen! My bf and I are like this
Well, thankfully we get along with our in-laws and they actually like our choice in spouse. Would it be the end of the world if we didn't get along with one or both sets of in-laws? Certainly not, but it definitely does help to be able to do so. It's also very important that you have similar interests, mindsets, goals, aspirations, etc. (i.e. wanting (or not) children).
I think you got this right! Took me 4 years of dating to arrive at this. Cheers for sharing! :)
and I suppose physical attraction should make it into the list.. otherwise this list would apply to 'best friends' too :)agree
I don't really agree with #1. Yes personality is important, but I find it equally important to have others as well. As shallow as this may sound, looks matter to me.. not that I HAVE to date someone good-looking, but at least they must attract me. If I have 0 attraction to them whatsoever, it's worse to me than dating someone with a poor personality 'cause perhaps personality can change. I'm being very honest admitting this 'cause I don't think a lot of people would.
@mercy4love@xanga - Da heo?!
With respect to #1, personality is such a broad word to describe what many fail to understand as to why it's important:
Personality incorporates the properties of habits, traits, experience, communicative-abilities and most importantly -- conflict resolution.
Problem is that personality is not an easy and direct discernable property of attraction till you have spent ample time with the other person.
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