Lately I read this delightful jewel of an article on Datingish:
LINKYAny decent human being might disagree, but concede that he may be onto something and that his approach may be the correct one when dealing with women in general.
Seeing, however, that I am not a decent human being, I not only disagree, but argue that his approach is rather daft, to say the least.
(Side note: whenever I say or type "daft", I feel very British, even though I'm a Yank. Why is this?)
(Second side note: I feel that if I keep saying "daft" anymore, I'll feel so British that maybe when I die, David Attenborough will deliver my eulogy while Gromit buries my body, encased in a TARDIS.)
(Third side note: DAFT DAFT DAFT DAFT DAFT DAFT....)
(Fourth side note: When I re-read the past three side notes, I read them in Charlie Brooker's voice. I must be daft.)
Don't you give me that prickish look, Charlie.
ANYWAYS...
If you really want to seduce a woman, and not only seduce her but KEEP her interested in you for a long time, here's what you need to do, in no particular order:
1. Become interesting. If you wish to attract an interesting woman, become interesting yourself. Learn a new hobby. Travel the world. Do things that exercise your body, mind and soul. Make yourself into the example of what you would want to see in a mate, and settle for nothing less. Even if no one notices, you are still engaging in something useful by improving yourself and becoming a better person.
2. Be independent. If you are not happy with yourself, then no number of women will ever satisfy you. Remember that in a relationship or even in marriage, you are still your own person, no matter how joined you may be to your girlfriend/wife.
Learn how to live with yourself first before you seek solace in someone else. Doing the things listed in point 1 help in rediscovering your independence, and in addition, surrounding yourself with supportive friends also helps a great deal.
If a woman is attracted to you because of the way you cater to her needs, rather than because of who you naturally are, then there's a good chance she's just looking for a glorified manservant than a true romantic partner. You want to show her who you are in your natural element.
3. Abandon false hopes. No knight in shining armor successfully defeated a dragon by merely wishing it away. You can sit there and dream all day long about the girl you want, but if you don't go out there and DO something about it, she will never even know you existed.
If you are to have any hopes, place them in the things you cannot control. For everything else, rely upon your skills, wisdom and courage to get you through. If you focus on overcoming problems in life with that sort of a mindset, it will show in your words and actions. A man who is determined to go down fighting is much more attractive than a man who wastes away by simply dreaming.
4. Embrace failure, but do not get used to it. Failure is meant to be a valuable teaching tool, not a default position. When you make decisions, do it with the assumption that you are already succeeding, because technically you are; by setting forth on the path towards your goal, you are that much closer to success.
Handling failure and rejection with maturity and strength shows her that you are more than capable of holding your ground when life throws crap at you. How is that NOT attractive?
5. Do not fear your fears.
Do not ignore the possibility of defeat, but learn to face it with a rational mind. Do not let your insecurities and fears get the best of you; if they threaten to overwhelm your mind, pick them apart and analyze them carefully; are those dark thoughts grounded in fact, or are they really just an extension of your own insecurities? PRACTICE THIS SKILL. Yes, it is a skill to be able to catch bad thoughts and kill them before they take root. The more you practice this, the less likely you will stumble out of fear.
Being courageous isn't the same as being fearless. If you have no fear when pursuing romance then you do not fully understand what romance is. Rather, being courageous is knowing how to face those fears and take command of them before they run you down.
6. Be confident in your abilities. Even the silliest, most trivial of romantic gestures can become incredibly powerful if she is aware of the sincerity behind that gesture. If you are not confident in your own abilities, why should she do the same? It's like a salesman saying, "I've got this product but I'm not sure if it's really all that great." If you want to attract a woman then you must sell yourself; not through lies, but through confidence in who you are. "I'm me and I'm damn proud of it."
7. For some men, interacting with women comes naturally. For others, it doesn't. This does not mean you are defective in some way if you are the latter. All it means is that you must put more effort into that area of your life. The best way to do this is to constantly expose yourself to situations where you must interact with women. Go to parties and bars often. Sign up for a dance class. Do whatever is necessary to help you overcome your fears and insecurities when it comes to interacting with women. Practice makes perfect... seriously.
Overcoming your fears and problems with lady interactions will make it much easier for her to be around you, too; remember, she's probably as nervous as you are.
8. Treat her with respect. Some guys mistake this as "be a doormat." You must not be afraid to challenge her when you sincerely believe she is wrong about something, or stand your ground when she challenges you. However, that does not make it acceptable to treat her like dirt. This is something that comes with practice because sometimes it can be difficult to find that boundary between playful banter and outright insults. Again, if you feel like you're deficient in this area, do not blame women for your shortcomings. Grow a pair, develop a plan to overcome those problems, and carry that plan out.
There's probably a bit of overlap here and there, but that's kinda how it works out.
A side note about the "pick up artists" and seduction techniques: you can learn those if you really think it will help you, but the real value of those techniques isn't in the actual techniques that are employed on women but rather in learning how to approach women with the proper mindset. If you don't have the right mindset when approaching women, you will fail no matter how flawless your technique is, because guess what? Unless the woman is completely oblivious and/or desperate, she'll see right through your "techniques". (Besides, do you REALLY want a desperate/oblivious woman anyways?)
Focus on becoming a better human and a better man, and I guarantee you that the women will notice. And if not, so what? You haven't lost anything by improving yourself, right?
True
Comments (12)
"Focus on becoming a better human and a better man, and I guarantee you that the women will notice. And if not, so what? You haven't lost anything by improving yourself, right?" - That's great advice for women too.
Godlessliberal's insult to the Chubster was priceless and comedy: "You're that creepy guy in the bar that doesn't know how to take a hint, aren't you?" I bet it's so true of the Chubs, too.
Yes! I'm so happy this got posted!
"Make yourself into the example of what you would want to see in a mate" - If I had to take one thing away from this post it would be that line.
My own addition to that would be, "Are you fit company for the person you wish to become?".
This post is applicable to both genders and I really hope people try to follow these points and principles. Seriously, imagine if everyone lived by these? How different would the world (and the dating pool) be?
This is what everyone should strive for and improve on all these areas.
Awesome post!!! It goes for all genders I think. I liked this line: "Even the silliest, most trivial of romantic gestures can become incredibly powerful if she is aware of the sincerity behind that gesture." That is SO TRUE. It's an age old refrain, but you really do have to be yourself. Sincerity is key.
Also, I think "daft" is a nice, mild way to describe the blog entry you were referring to. When I read it I actually laughed out loud, and the term I would use to describe the mentality presented in it starts with an F and rhymes with "plucking loopid," if you catch my drift.
Totally great for keeping a relationship, although not was great for seduction. Misleading, but sexy title.
I personally went through with learning some AOTP techniques and eventually I realized that the techniques taught me to realize for myself what were important things to strive for, whether it be for life in general or for engaging women. The pickup techniques are like training wheels for something much more grand than just picking up women.
I just talk to women like they're people and it works just fine, but it took me a lifetime to reach this point. When I was young, I had to struggle with every hangup a shy boy could have.
i'm myself whenever i like anyone and i want them to like me too...i don't see why i have to be someone else. do unto others what you want to be done to you.
ya know, this is pretty legit, and i would recommend that most girls follow the same steps if they want to keep someone for the long haul. i love my bf mostly because he is so darn interesting, all the time! lol
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[If you are to have any hopes, place them in the things you cannot control. For everything else, rely upon your skills, wisdom and courage to get you through.]
This is a fantastic piece of advice!
In fact, there is tremendous advice all over this post.
However, this seemed more of a "feel better all over about yourself" kind of post rather than a useful, "how do I get da bitch in da sheets?" kind of post.
I would've liked to see a note about classifying different people and how different people are turned on by different things. Some women like a "project man," others want to be pampered, still others just want "clients," while others don't know what they want and need an explanation, yet others are just plain cold-hearted lesbian bitches who bare teeth at the sight of a walking penis such as ourselves.