Friday, 21 October 2011
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From Friends with Benefits to a Marriage.
Freshman Year
I met him, Jair, on August/September in the year 2007 (Freshman year). He and my best friend, Erick, went to middle school together; they didn't really like each other but Jair rode our bus to school anyways. We didn't get along; truth is that I hated him! I was creepy, he was weird and gay looking (in my opinion.) He had a crush on my other best friend, Deisy, and she liked him back until she found out he liked her (Haha I know.) Well then he started riding another bus and we rarely talked to each other.
Him
[Freshman year]
[Freshman year]
Sophomore year
I had broken up with some guy when Jair got my number from Erick. We started texting and we got somewhat close. He then started to like me and asked me out after I told him I liked him too. I kinda' liked him, but it wasn't anything substantial. He was really funny and cute so I have him a shot. I wasn't as scary as I was freshman year. So we went out from May 19th to the 13th of August. He wasn't the best boyfriend I've had but he wasn't the worst.
Us in that time
Junior year
This year was the year a bunch of stuff went on. We weren't just friends but we weren't anything more. We were fuck buddies, friends with benefits. Things happened and I had to talk to someone about it. I told some girl I thought was going to keep her mouth shut... she didn't. Point is, he didn't believe it when I told him and I think he still thinks I lied about it but I didn't. This thing hurt us. Sometimes I think he hates me because of it.
After New Years, he told me he was in LOVE with me. I didn't believe him but I went with the flow. He started being sweet with me, which made me fall for him; however, he did have a girlfriend. For some reason we still messed around a lot of.Time passed and he was still amazing to me. He would tell me how much he loved me and call me baby every once in a while. He doesn't say it anymore, and I miss it. He tried ending this with me but things always got back together. During May, he promised me a second chance, but when I turned 18. He would hold my hand everywhere we went and he would kiss me even if people were around. He made me really happy during this time... then I started to believe that he did love me.
Jr. Year
Senior Year
I had left to El Salvador and when I came back he wasn't the same. We still got together a lot and made out every once in a while, but he only said "I love you" like 3 times after that. He began to hurt me a lot too, but I don't know, I kept waiting. We went to the homecoming dance and he had left me and gone with some people. I waited for him for most of the time and 10 minutes before the dance ended I left with someone...
He asked me out on my birthday but it was like nothing. He started out still hurting me.I found out some things which are still in my head but I cannot get the courage to speak about.
After the winter break, he became sweeter but I still miss the way he was.
He doesn't call me baby or anything like that anymore and he doesn't hold my hand unless we are alone. I miss the way he was but I've gotten a bit happier so I can't complain. Though I wish he knew how much it bothers me that he doesn't act like a boyfriend.
[Senior Year]
After Senior Year
Before we graduated, plans were made for us to be married... he DID NOT propose... and for some reason, I still married him, but I will hold it against him until he asks me to marry him by church. (And he better do it properly.) If he doesn't then oh well, I guess I will keep holding that against him. He never actually worked on wedding details, I struggled to get him to work on the invitations with me, but when we actually worked on them, he did his best to make sure they were perfect.
Two weeks before the wedding, I got sick. At first I just had a fever, sore throat, headaches and for some reason I was cold even if it was about 100 degrees outside. A few days afterward, I started getting a rash on my face. Turned out I had cellulite... Well he took care of me, when I was cold he would cover me up and turn off the AC, when I was hot, he would uncover me but made sure the AC wasn't on so I wouldn't be cold, he made me tea which is rare, he wanted me to rest and if I wanted something, I got it.
The day of the wedding was amazing. I wanted to get married by church but he wanted something else. The ceremony was awesome and so was the reception. To be honest, it was the most beautiful day of my life.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? Going from friends with benefits to something more serious?
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- From: vampire_kiwi@xanga
- Name: Kel
- About Me: My name is Kel. I over analyze things I need to let things go I am very motivated I never QUIT, anything I'm beginning to realize things and people change and that life goes on and there is nothing you can do about it. I'm learning to laugh longer and be sad less By the way, laughing burns calories [lol] You cannot spend life getting a thrill off the wrong things and your life slipping from your grasp. I'm going to forever stay strong Waves may crash down on me I may struggle to breathe... But I'll never quit the fight Also, it’s hard to find someone interesting enough to have a conversation with anymore, off this site as well. I'm going to look though, you always find at least someone eventually. ..
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Comments (59)
I'm in a friends with benefit relationship, but I am still married. I am actually filing for divorce as soon as I have the money to money out next year. My friend who I have know for 15 years have been seeing each other since February and he kept asking for more time to see me. He has gotten more possessive of me in a sense of wanting to see me and texting me almost every day (we had a temp break of 2 months due to a misunderstanding and someone elses meddling). Now he's beyond affection and tender in a way I've never experienced with anyone. I am scared to say how I feel and ask him what he is thinking and what happens when I leave my husband in the next few months.
I'm scared he wont want anything more than what we are now, and I lose him altogether. No matter what my marriage is over, but how did you know your husband while this was going on was the one and how did you get him to tell you how he felt?
Lmao wtf.
@LoveeeLikeASunset@xanga - I kind of have to agree...What the hell did I just read?!
Just speaking about this "marriage" if he is hurting and abusing you, LEAVE HIM NOW!
It sounds to me like both of you need a huge amount of therapy and have a lot of work to do. You jumped into marriage at far too young of an age and neither of you understand what the concepts of commitment, trust, and fidelity are. This honestly just sounds like two people with very low self esteem settling for one another and not really considering the ramifications of their actions.
So again, GET OUT NOW!
I guess I don't understand why you married him if he was hurting you, didn't propose and doesn't treat you right. At least that's the gist I'm getting from your post. You might love him, but if he's truly not the best husband you could have asked for, then you deserve better.
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship on and off for four years before I had the courage to leave. I loved the guy, at least I thought I did, and we were going to get married. But something inside me finally clicked: the guy wasn't good for me. We broke up and within a few months I found someone else who I ended up falling in love with and marrying.
If you're happy, then congratulations. But don't stay if he's hurting you because it's only going to get worse. Whether you want to believe it or not, it will. I'm glad it was a beautiful day though, that's how a wedding should be.
@Guteman91 - i got to agree..i don't know about therapy because quite frankly they have ALOT of maturing and growing to do. What i don't get is the family pushing for a wedding at such a young age?Is this some sort of custom. I mean I'm south asian where girls get married at the age of 14 back home but here in North America girls are getting mate at double that age. I know this has nothing to do with the fwb to marriage question. But how can you guys get married when you haven't even belt a solid foundation of a relationship from ur fwb one.
what the heck did I just read? O_o
Anyway, if he's "hurting" you whether it's emotional or physical, it's still ABUSE. How were the "plans" made for you two get married without him actually proposing? I don't get it. there are so many gaps in this entry to make sense.
If you're happy, maybe you two should get some counciling before you have kids; whether planned or accidental. Marriage counciling or individual counciling isn't just for ppl who have problems--although I think you sort of do because it sounded like you just went along with the flow and he settled because he couldn't DO more to find someone else--but also to have a counselor help you talk things out since communication seems to be an obvious BLOCK with you two.
If something casual becomes serious, then cool. But, how did he hurt you? And, if he doesn't treat you right, why date, let alone marry him?
Yep, consensus is definitely "What on earth did I just read?"
...wut?
Also, he told you he loved you and slept with you when he was in a committed relationship with someone else?? Hmm...
What?
Well, this doesn't seem completely crazy at all...
holy fuck.
what the hell is this? is this real?
0.o
I don't like stealing comments from other people but... "what the hell did I just read!?" ... everyone else said it the best way possible!
This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard. I don't even know what to say...
Lmao I am so confused!!!! He did allll these things wrong that you didn't like, he still thinks you lied about something major, you don't like the way he acts towards you and have things you can't bring yourself to write about... but you got married!?!?!? No offense, but I think this is part of why our nation's divorce rate is so high.
I'm confused...why did you marry him? I kept expecting this to take a turn, but no, you were saying how unhappy you are, and then "yeah, and then we got married". What? Based on this post, it doesn't sound like you are going to be married long, unless you are cool with being unhappy with your husband your whole life.
Seriously, what the shit did I just read? What the fuck was Datingish thinking? On second thought, I definitely don't want to know.
But, basically, what I've gleaned from this is you have a bunch of stuff you don't like about him from how he treats you to you holding, what I can assume to be, a grudge because he didn't pop the question and marry you to how you preferred, and yet you married him anyway. If this is how he was BEFORE you married him, I don't know where you get the idea that this is all going to change AFTER marrying him. And now we know why the divorce rate is so high in this country...
I think you meant that you got heatstroke, not cellulite
he's manipulative, inconsiderate, and unfaithful to his then gf and he hurts you a lot and didn't even properly propose, probably because your family arranged the marriage for you. you questioned him and knew he had a gf but you "went with the flow." this situation is too sketchy and weird.
People who go from friends with benefits to marriage have a hard time being taken seriously as it is. This post does not help.
Are this real life?
I mean....I was waiting for some crazy turn around....I got the crazy part, and that's about it. Wow.So... my only question is.. Did you marry him because you are pregnant or something? =/ I mean he didn't really propose.. so you took the matter into your own hand and married him.. Hm... interesting...
"Turned out I had cellulite..." LOL is cellulite a disease or something people come down with. Sorry this part was just too funny!
he doesn't sound like a good guy. idk what you meant by he was "hurting you" whatever it was, if you were hurt, if he wasn't treat you right, there is no reason to put up with it. best of luck to you.
The whole thing sounds like a bad relationship that was never to be, but instead of realizing that and ending it, you got married?
Sadly enough I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was on and off with a guy since middle school and my junior year of highschool we weren't dating but he acted as if he liked me and we spent lots of time together and he said he loved me and wanted to marry me, and would talk about our wedding. Turns out he was leading me on for whatever reason the whole time and it was a huge mess. I was young to believe him and get attached, I think you probably should have waited longer before marriage. We are the same age I believe, from reading this, and we are still so young.
All I can say is, best of luck :/
my fwb turned into a marriage when he realized that he wanted to be with me before I shipped off. anyway, uh, what did I just read?