Wednesday, 19 October 2011
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Being Friends with Exes and Flings
Michelle is friends with every single fling or guy she's ever dated and is still on good terms with all of them. In fact, when she moved away a few years ago, at her going away party she invited almost all of her hook ups.
Matt, a guy who currently likes her, found out about her past and was just appalled by it. He kept saying she's hooked up with 35 people. 35? He hasn't been with very many people himself. But he still likes her despite him being incredibly uncomfortable with the number of people she's been with. She claims that she liked every single guy she's ever hooked up with and they've all liked her back, so it was okay for her to hook up with them. But her number isn't necessarily what I'm getting at.
She invited Matt as well to her going away party but he didn't end up coming. He said he didn't want to go to a party with a room full of guys who's been with her. Her number is more of an issue to him.While she's friends with all of her past hookups/relationships (now they call each other BFFs), I'm not friends with any of my previous relationships/flings. The only guy I've ever been friends with after being involved with them is the guy I am currently still kind of involved with. One other ex I'm on good terms with, but we don't really keep in touch. He used to check up on me sometimes to see how I was doing for small talk. I think it's weirder that Michelle's "BFF's" with all her hook ups, as opposed to me not being friends with mine.
Are you friends with all of your exes?
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Comments (99)
My best guy friend was my boyfriend for 3.5 years. I still keep in contact with another ex, as well, but not as often. It takes a certain level of friendship and understanding to be friends although for most situations, there's a certain conflict of interest that you can never overcome.
Maybe about half of them. We exchange letters, keep up with each other, etc. I think that's fairly normal, isn't it? The only reason we wouldn't be friends is if we ever inflicted malicious hurt on each other, and that's only happened twice. So we're all pretty okay with each other. =) Hell, some of them are friends too.
nah i am not but i really want to get back with my first.. he is the person that i always cared about..
Yes, but only two and we don't stay in touch often. we have different lives now and there is jus tno room for them. I am not BFF's with any of them... that I find strange and as a SO i would find it weird if my SO called his ex his BFF. him and his ex-wife are friends, they have a daughter together. And I am friends with my ex-hubby as well, but we don't talk everyday. and yes it would make me uncomfortable to be a in room full of women that my SO slept with , even if they are exes. I don't care that he has them, I don't care if he calls one or two friend, but that doesn't mean i want to go hang out with them or even want them to be on my FB page. And I would never invite my exes to a party where my prospective SO/BF would be and if them being there instead of him, I would pick the guy I like to be there instead.
With all my exes, the only one that I'm sorta in "decent friendly terms" is one that had a chance to be friends with me after I broke up with him (he was falling for another girl WHILE he was still with me and he was oblvious to it). we kinda had an awkward moment because the new girl and he was a long di and she HATED my guts for some reason. Fear of the unknown? Except I used to give him tips when he'd ask for help for present ideas and etc. wth, now they're married and still, we're not really beyond "friends" on FB. That being said, all my exes and I've parted ways. Twice, we tried to be friends, but when I could handle it, the guy couldn't. When the guy wanted to, I didn't want to bother. Friends can talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, if I have to take the major part of my life: the new beau, now fiance, then what's the point editing everything twice to make sure their feelings were not hurt?
I totally understand why Matt didn't end up going. It'd be weird too, esp. if there were 35 guys and like 2 girlfriends, which would obviously seem she knows A LOT Of guys. I'm sure some of her BFFs are not completely over her as a WOMAN of interest.
I wouldn't have wanted to go to that party either. Talk about awkward.
I'm not friends with any of my ex's. There are a couple that I'm not on bad terms, I just don't keep in touch. I know it would make my husband uncomfortable. Thankfully for me, my husband doesn't have any ex's. :)
Yup, all of them, some more than others. And I still hook up with one of them, too. We might even get back together again, I don't know.
Im only on good terms with my first love/HS sweetheart, mostly because a) we were BFFs before we fell for each other, and b) my other boyfriends were complete assholes who did nothing but try and change me. When my HS sweetheart and I broke up it was pretty ugly, but by the end of senior year we both kinda realized "hey, we used to be best friends-just because it didnt work out doesnt mean we should throw that away." We arent really friends now, but whenever we run into each other its like we never missed a step. I always tell people that I honestly think if the timing was ever right I could see us being close friends again.
ANYWAY, Ive never dated anyone with a long list of exes or hook up buddies, let along a long list of exes/hook ups they are still friends with. I would certainly react just as Matt did. Its not the fact that Michelle is friends with her exes-its that she's friends with all 35 of them!!
I'm not that close with any of them except for the one who I might like to get back together with again under the right circumstances.
I've tried to reach out and develop a friendship with exes but it never really end well. In my case they all seem to assume I'm still into them and by befriending them I'm going to work my way back in with them. That's ludicrous in the first place since for the majority of my exes I dumped them. I have no problem differentiating between friend feelings and more intimate ones. Once I've decided to dump someone any romantic feelings have long since past. I'm really good friends with one of my most recent exes and there is no awkwardness whatsoever. I think Matt was just being insecure.
I always stay friends with them... why wouldn't you unless they did something monumentally awful like hit you? They're an important part of your life... whether or not you see a future with them, whether or not you still see each other sometimes, etc.
I see why he wouldn't want to go since he didn't hook up with her and doesn't have much in common to talk about lol it could end up as one mass orgy for her going away party
or is that possibly all of the guys' wishful thinking
@youholdthewater - nail on the head.
I'm friends with all of my exes but one (the most recent one). I don't blame Matt seeing as what @Guteman91 said; I would be a bit uncomfortable if ALL of an ex's hookups were there.
There was a time I went to an ex's place for her birthday and her new hookup was there at the party as well. I tried not to think about it and make peace with him. Later on, it turned out he was cheating on his girlfriend with her and then ended up dumping my ex after telling her days prior that he would end up with her.
I'm friends with my last ex. Although we regularly live 1000 miles apart, and he's soon to be stationed in Japan, so its not like we see each other face to face very often. We dated 2 years and he had 2 other girlfriends (it was long distance obviously, by the 1000 miles). I insisted we be friends so I could get over that and not spend more of my time hating and despising someone. It worked, I don't hate him, I don't despise him. We have ground rules though. If we see each other the (one time he's been home since we broke up over a year ago), it has to be in public, and not at a place like a restaurant or the movies. As far as talking, no sexual stuff, skyping rarely if EVER, and I don't tell him about my current relationship except some general stuff, because otherwise that is none of his business. It works fine IMO.
lawl. I fucking hate ex-girlfriends. So why would want to stay friends with my ex and make some poor girl feel the way I do?
That IS weird as hell if you ask me.....
I'm only in touch with one of my exes but on good terms with the majority of the rest.
Guess I'm a hypocrite in those terms- I'm friends with a lot of guys I have hooked up with, mostly because we were friends to begin with and when you're single and they're attractive, there's no reason not to, hah. However, my bf was never much of a hook up guy, and is friends with all his ex's. While I respect him for that (I do) I find myself very bothered by the fact that they even exist.
I think it's always good to stay friends with the best of them (and the rest, just on good terms). It's always good whether you see the possibility of something more or if you need someone to hook up with when you're single. And one of them is really important and close to me, he's such a good friend, why wouldn't I stay close with him? This party sounds crazy though! lol
Not to mention... a lot of people break up and happily get back together again later on.
Regarding any of them I've truly loved (not many)-- how could it be a bad thing to have a sea of lovers? Why would you discount the immense possibilities? To the lovers whom I have loved, I don't attach negative energy or close any doors on them (I've never been hit or had any serious abuse) to them because I've found it doesn't get me or anyone else anywhere. Why is everyone so rigid about love and their social lives in general?
And why is it that couples who reunite always end up being the strongest together?
I like staying friends if you're really able to stay FRIENDS.
@FreeAsTheSea - AGREED
@vicdaily@xanga - ...if that's what you want.
I see no problem with being with someone romantically when we're not formally together, and I haven't encountered any problems. To each their own.
I am not friends with my first and second boyfriends - who were my only real committed, legit, serious relationships. Both were abusive. I have not talked to either of them in YEARS and wouldn't. They're both trash.
That aside, every single hook up, fling, fuck buddy, one nighter, etc. since then is still my friend. Most of them are actually good buddies too. I've gone to parties where 5 of the guys are my friends, who I've also slept with, and they're all friends - no issues, no drama, who cares. I'm slept with a friend and the next day tried to hook him up with one of my female friends. No biggie.
Of my 10 or so best guy friends, I've slept with 5 I'd say. So half. I've slept with a total of 28 people in the past 7 years (lost my virginity 7 years ago) - so roughly 2 men a year. Of all those 28, I have remained good friends with approximately 18 of them.
I think that the feelings tend to come back whenever I'm around an ex, and something always happens