We've seen plenty of entries where girls would admit that they snooped around by looking through their phone, logging into their Facebook, reading their emails, whatever. The reason is because they suspect their boyfriend is messing around with other girls. Sometimes, it can just be chalked up to paranoia and insecurities taking over. Other times, yes, the boyfriend is messing around. Does it make snooping appropriate?
Well, according to this article
Twelve Completely Foolproof and Not-Crazy-At-All Ways to Make Sure He's Not Lying I just read on Jezebel, these are surely ways to get you labeled as over-the-top extreme. However, if you just want to enjoy a satirical laugh, you can grimace your face to these obscure, ridiculous ideas such as:
- Hiding a webcam in his dog's collar
- Requesting his ex's medical records
- Hiring your sexy friend to hit on him
The sad thing is, there probably are some people who would or have used these tactics before. However, back to the question of "Is snooping appropriate and does it entitle you a right to invade your partner's privacy?"
Well, some can argue yes. Some would argue no. I would argue no because obviously, what is missing in the relationship is open communication and trust. If you go on for a while not having your full trust in your partner, then maybe it's time to consider ending the relationship.
I've never been snooped on because there wasn't really any reason to. If they asked to play with my phone, I hand them my phone and let them play with it. I still keep my email and Facebook password to myself, though. They never ask for my passwords and I never ask for theirs. If I happen to be on Facebook at the time and they sit down with me looking over my Facebook, I'm fine with it. If I ever have a weird feeling or suspicion about anything, I would bring it up to my partner.
I know that others do not operate the way I do with open honesty and straightforwardness. However, if you really just grow attached to someone else other than your partner, learn to have self control and the strength to say no to that temptation. If you simply cannot resist the temptation, then you should do yourself a favor and not be in a relationship. It would save your time and your partner's time if you cannot stay fully committed.
Thoughts?
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Comments (56)
I snooped through my boyfriend's things quite a few times, but it wasn't until about four or five months into the relationship. I would mostly go through his phone. I would look at text messages while he was in the shower and also pictures in case he had been exchanging naked pictures with some other girl. I never found anything. He never gave me a reason to suspect a thing, but for some reason I just had this feeling I couldn't shake. Two months later, when I went off to college and couldn't snoop anymore, he told me he cheated on me, he told me this three days after the cheating happened, so I feel like it's a good sign that he couldn't keep it from me long, however, he had been talking to this girl that he had sex with off and on pretty much the whole time we've been dating. He also admitted to exchanging nude pics with another girl. It just really scares me, because he covered all of his tracks (deleting messages, pictures, etc.) and even though I snooped pretty much every day for two months, I never found anything. I would've never figured it out had he not told me.
My thoughts on snooping:
Snooooooooooop..
Snooooooooooop..
When the pimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
Uh! I'm a nice dude, with some nice dreams
See these ice cubes, see these Ice Creams?
Eligible bachelor, million dollar boat
That's whiter than what's spilling down your throat
The Phantom, exterior like fish eggs
The interior like suicide wrist red
I can excercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed
Cheat on your man ma, that's how you get ahizzead
Killer wit the beat, I know killers in the street
Wit the steel that'll make you feel like Chinchilla in the heat
So don't try to run up on my ear talking all that raspy shit
Trying to ask me shit
When my niggaz fill ya vest they ain't gon pass me shit
You should think about it, take a second
Matter fact, you should take four B
And think before you fuck wit lil skateboard P
I'm a gangsta, but y'all knew that
Da Big Bo$$ Dogg, yeah I had to do that
I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside
But only on the left side, yeah that's the Crip side
Ain't no other way to play the game the way I play
I cut so much you thought I was a DJ
[scratches] "two!" - "one!" - "yep, three!"
S-N double O-P, D-O double G
I can't fake it, just break it, and when I take it
See I specialize in making all the girls get naked
So bring your friends, all of y'all come inside
We got a world premiere right here, now get live!
So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
I'm a Bad Boy, wit a lotta ho's
Drive my own cars, and wear my own clothes
I hang out tough, I'm a real Bo$$
Big Snoop Dogg, yeah he's so sharp
On the TV screen and in the magazines
If you play me close, you're on a red beam
Oh you got a gun so you wanna pop back?
AK47 now nigga, stop that!
Cement shoes, now I'm on the move
Your family's crying, now you on the news
They can't find you, and now they miss you
Must I remind you I'm only here to twist you
Pistol whip you, dip you then flip you
Then dance to this motherfucking music we crip to
Subscribe nigga, get yo issue
Baby come close, let me see how you get loose!
Snooooooooooop.
Snooooooooooop..
Snooping is just wrong, if you can't trust your boyfriend enough you shouldn't be with him. That doesn't make it okay to snoop. Unless, he goes missing or something, a girlfriend never has the right to snoop. Break up with him and find someone you can trust.
If you're married and the suspicious are just too much, if a confrontation doesn't solve the issues. Perhaps you need more proof, but still you could probably get that without snooping.
I'm not really against it...how else are you going to find out that someone is messing around behind your back? I wouldn't get upset if a boyfriend went through my text, emails, facebook, etc. To me, it just comes with being in a relationship.
i admit i snooped and looked into his phone while he was showering. although he didn't physically cheat on me, he was talking to another girl. i was way upset with him and i confronted him about it. i was upset with her too bc she knew all long that we were dating and we just got back from vacation. i would have understood if she didn't know that he had a gf but she knew, she was just being a total bitch. how did i know she knew about me? she heard me kiss him and then asked him who he was talking to and he said it was his gf. i would never have snooped if it wasn't obvious but when your bf can't talk to the person on the phone with you standing in the room and it's not a work related call then he's up to something. it's not like we had secrets either.
Well, this really goes both ways. When I first found out an ex of mine was cheating on me, it was actually by mistake. He had handed me his laptop and had his email wide open. I didn't even go through the emails, just by looking at the screen to close the window I noticed some very obvious titled emails. I stupidly stayed with him, of course I couldn't trust him, but for some reason I wanted to try. After being with someone for a while, I can just tell when they're lying, which he did all the time. I always confronted him first, but he would never come clean. When he tried to pull the victim card of me accusing him of things he didn't do and actually tried to make it out like I was paranoid, I took it upon myself to present proof. I justify snooping in a way of, if he can't be honest with me and somehow manages to think pulling that bullshit to make me out to be crazy is rational, then I will go out of my way to make him into a fool. I was right every single time, so I can't really say I feel bad or wrong for doing it. If I hadn't, I would have been way worse off. I feel that I have the right to know for sure if I do not trust someone for a good reason
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - LMFAO Someone thinks he's "clever" and "hot" "shit" If you hadn't posted that and someone else did, I'd rec it, but you're a troll who no one wants to date.
@Shims - How was the buffet, Fat Shimmers? Butter isn't just for eating, ya know.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - You're the definition of immaturity, especially with the fat insults. And that anonymous in the other post who insulted the OP sounds like something you would say. Unlike you I don't insult people for fun, I only insult you for fun. :) And although you are "skinny" still no one wants you! I'm not the one with the dating problems troll, I've got someone unlike you.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - stories like yours is what makes me worried :(
You have this feeling that something is up ....but you dont have the evidence to nail him with
You confront him he said he's not cheating, you're crazy and overly suspicious
Hence snooping comes in* handy
In your case even snooping* doesnt always ring up evidences.
Deleted txt msg, msn conv etc...
Though I have never snooped through my BF's things
confidence issues
I would never EVER snoop through my boyfriend's stuff, because I trust him completely. If you have to snoop, you shouldn't be with him. There's a difference between both of you voluntarily sharing texts/Facebook messages and e-mails, and going behind your partners back to read them.
I've looked through his phone once when we started dating and then two more times (with a few months in between each time) I never found anything.
I think it was my insecurities and the fact that my relationship was still brand new, but since I never found anything, I never had a reason to continue.
The thing is, a lot of guys are not worthy of trust, even if they have not done anything to date that would break our trust. That might not make a whole lot of sense initially, but what I mean is that guys, especially nowadays, have smaller and smaller incentive to limit themselves to one partner. It's becoming nearly old-fashioned to expect it. And they will act according to cultural norms, whether through thought or action.
..I find that a lot of guys whom I would never even bother snooping for, are rare. But they do exist. I could name several that I know personally, in fact. They are not trustworthy, though, because they would never, ever do anything wrong--but they would never do CERTAIN things, because of their convictions. And even if they did, they would talk to their girlfriend about it before it built to something terrible. They would say something like, "I've been feeling crush-like-feelings for this girl, and I want you to help me stay accountable".
Guys who are trustworthy..are guys who will not buy into the oversexualized culture of meeting one's "needs" above all else. And, I find, those happen to be hardcore Christian guys.
I would'nt want it done to me.
Just because you have this feeling or don't trust someone does not entitle you to snoop. Snooping in a relationship means that there is something wrong with your relationship, that there is a lack of true communication, no trust, and you have no respect for your partner. Yes some people take advantage of this, maybe even a lot, buy that still does not make it right. I would come right out and ask if I wanted to know and yes they other person has the option to lie, I am sure it has happened, but I also know that at least I would feel better about my self knowing I wasn't being deceitful and dishonest by snooping, which is exactly what it is. If you are a snooper, you are just as bad. Are you honest about your snooping? These are all games.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - Are you really grouping all men into one stereotype? Because if you are, that is truly a ridiculous and ignorant thing to do. It would be similar to someone saying that all females only wants a guy for their money. There are some who don't, but many who don't. Don't let a few bad apples ruin the whole basket for you. Do not also go blindly assuming that all men will cheat or be unfaithful because that is a very false accusation. I understand and appreciate your opinion, and so I offer my rebuttal to it.
@laytexduckie@xanga - But I didn't say that. In fact, I said that I know several who are trustworthy men, who I could name off the top of my head. I said that culture is not conducive to producing sexually faithful men. But there are some, though few, who are entirely trustworthy because they rise above the cultural norm.
i don't think i'd ever do it again because of the way it hurt me when i did it. i knew my ex boyfriend wasn't cheating on me, but when we first started seeing each other but not officially, he was flirting with other girls, and admitted it a few weeks in. it bothered me for months, and one day i was alone in his room and checked his facebook. he had asked another girl out 2 days before our first date. i didn't really have any right to be mad because we weren't exclusive yet, just had the date planned, and there was a later message telling her that he liked me and couldn't go out with her, but nevertheless i was pretty upset. i'll never snoop again, and hopefully won't have a reason to - i'd never date someone who i had any suspicion was cheating on me.
I never really snooped on any boyfriend, although from time to time I go through my current boyfriend's phone simply out of boredom. I know that might sound bad, but really it's just because I want something to do. I never expect anything to pop up that might hurt me because I trust him completely. Likewise he goes through my phone sometimes. We both have nothing to hide so we both kinda have the mentality "who cares."
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - "The thing is, a lot of guys are not worthy of trust, even if they have not done anything to date that would break our trust."
"...but what I mean is that guys, especially nowadays, have smaller and smaller incentive to limit themselves to one partner." "Guys who are trustworthy..are guys who will not buy into the oversexualized culture of meeting one's "needs" above all else. And, I find, those happen to be hardcore Christian guys."Those three sentences in your previous comment say otherwise. It also translates to only truly Christian men are the only faithful ones, when that sentence is false as well. Some male Christian politicians were caught in scandals and affairs (and those were the ones broadcasted into mass media). Thus, anyone, regardless of race, gender or faith, is capable of cheating; there are definitely many who chose not to and resist temptation. It is unfair to rule them out completely based on a biased view of a gender.
I am sorry , but i am going to have to strongly disagree, haha. I feel that if I am going to invest my time and enery into a relationship; I want to be damn sure that it is time well spent and not waisted. Unfortunetly in the world we live in people lie, and not just the people that we meet on the street, but the people we love and trust; our friends, family, and significant others. This does not make them bad people by any means, it only makes them human. I know that the only time that I would be at all mad or upset about someone snooping on me is when I have done something that i don't want them to find out about. If I haven't done anything; go ahead heres my phone, my facebook, my email, my passworss and anything their little heart may desire.... yes, you should trust your partner, but trust with verification is never a bad thing!
I have a story to tell.
There was only ONE time (in the 5 years we've been together) that I felt actually jealous and a little suspicious. It involved a woman that he worked with at his previous job. She would call him after work hours to ask him ridiculous questions and she always seemed to end up working the same shift as he did. I gave in and looked through his phone once and found a text to her that said "Want to take a cig break?"... and for some reason I thought this was PROOF that he liked her. I let my jealousy get the best of me and started accusing him of doing things with this woman behind my back. About 2 months after I started acting a fool, the woman got fired for stealing from the company - thanks to my husband and a couple of other co-workers. My husband, the one I was suspicious of, got HER FIRED. Needless to say, she dropped completely out of the picture once she got fired. Imagine how stupid I felt when I found this out! I apologized profusely to him for my silly accusations and he forgave me. He understood and it's never been brought up again.
Ever since then I have had NO doubt in my mind that my husband isn't loyal and I trust him 110%. I never snoop through his stuff. I feel no need to. If you go looking for something, you might find something. But that "something" could be SOMETHING or NOTHING. I prefer to let him do what he does and I never feel insecure anymore. Besides, if my husband DID have another woman on the side... she would be SERIOUSLY neglected. He comes home to bed with me every night, I drop him off and pick him up from work. When would this other woman get any of his time!? LOL
I take privacy seriously. I don't snoop through my gf's phone, email, IMs, FB, Xanga, diary, bank accounts, or anything else and I expect the same treatment in return. I will never give out my passwords to anything (though in fairness she's figured most of them out after three years of dating) and I don't want hers.