Saturday, 15 October 2011
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Why Do I Feel Like This About My Boyfriend?
This post was submitted anonymously.
My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 2.5 years and we dated for 4 months before we started going out and now we've been monogamous for almost 5 months.
At the beginning of the dating period, things were wonderful. We didn't hangout too much but we talked a lot and got to know each other and eventually that's what led to the relationship.The relationship lasted for a little less than a month before I broke up with him because he wouldn't allow me to hangout with other friends of mine (of either gender) without getting jealous or upset that I wasn't hanging out with him.
I got back together with him and now we've continued the relationship but over the last 6 weeks, I've been having quite a difference in position towards him. He's nearly 21 years old and he just got a job, he's already in a lot of debt (to his mother), he does not go to school nor is he worried about attending on in the near future. We don't have any common interests and views on things. I'm finding myself growing irritated with him more and more daily because he constantly compliments me and has his hands all over me.
I get mad at him over the smallest things. And my personal opinion is that it is unhealthy to hangout everyday but he doesn't agree and throws a fit about me wanting to see my other friends and he interrogates me about everything that I do while I'm with them.I also am moving away for college (hundreds of miles away) and I do not plan on staying with him or getting married to him and when I told him this he said that we could just stay together until I leave but the thing is that I don't want either of us to get more attached.I tried to break the relationship off with him and he wouldn't allow me to do so. I'm out of ideas of what to do now. Can someone please help?
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Comments (72)
Time to be blunt: He's not the one.
He sounds like a stalker! Just break up with him. As long as you don't live with him, it won't be that messy.
Yeah! Boo compliments!
Tell him sorry, break up with him and don't talk to him anymore. Good luck!
You tried to end the relationship, but he wouldn't let you? I don't understand this. :/
My advice, RUN and make sure you take measures to ensure he won't bother you again. I had the same kind of feelings with my ex-boyfriend after a while. If you don't see a future, you find him irritating, and you are getting mad over the simplest of things, then you don't need to be in that relationship. GET OUT before it gets anymore complicated and difficult. If he gets physical I'd tell you to protect yourself just in case, but either way tell him the relationship needs to end.Oh just fuck him until you have to go.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - ...he's her boyfriend.
How could anyone not doubt their relationship when it's so obviously abnormal, damaging, and annoying? Just break it up, in any way possible.
He doesn't allow you to break up? You just break up. You break contact, you stop seeing him. If he doesn't want to do it the easy way than just do it the bitchy way of not ever contacting him again. It sounds mean, but if a guy doesn't allow you to break up with him he's clearly a little crazy.
Two words: Restraining order.
@Anonymous - Lol, compliments are bad? Girls don't like to be told that they're beautiful? I've always told my past girlfriends how pretty they looked, never gotten any complaints.
@ShirleyD@xanga - you're insane.
@Anonymous - Part time.
I wouldn't be able to be with someone so damn clingy either. As for the compliments thing I tend to not like compliments as much from insecure people when you can just feel from them that they only do it because they expect something back. I wouldn't call him a stalker exactly but he really needs to get his shit together. No one is going to want to be with a person like that for very long.
Well, honestly, it sounds like you know what you want and the right direction you should go. As for him not allowing you two to break up, you just do. You break off all contact whatsoever and get a restraining order if need be. I wouldn't call him a stalker, just highly insecure and controlling, and no sane person is going to stand for that long.
Run, Simba. Run away and never return.
You have a case of the possessive bf. Time to move on. Spend time apart.
Spend time apart, yeah. But I think most of the people here are REALLY hardcore overreacting.
It is unhealthy to spend all your time together. Leave him. Call the police if he follows you. It will not get better. It will only get worse.
@datasaysdatass - has the right idea. Let him know what's going on and spend time apart but all these comments are basically telling you to go apeshit. And it isn't abnormal to want to spend every day with your SO at all, it's pretty typical and perfectly healthy. If you don't WANT to, then just spend time apart. Tell him to get a job or go back to school, if he wasn't free all the time then this wouldn't be an issue.
He's not the one. You can't be in a stable relationship unless you share common goals. If you don't have that, there's no foundation for a relationship.
Ahh, "The One". Are you an evangelical?
Don't listen to the people here telling you to freak out. Just spend time apart and tell him to find something to do while he's not doing you. If he actually starts doing something (besides you) then maybe you will reconsider him as "the one" later on. If not, just spent time apart and enjoy how nice he is to you.
If you're not happy - go. There's no point staying in an unhappy relationship - life is way too short. There's a difference between being in love in taking some time apart for yourselves, and just delaying the inevitable. My ex-boyfriend tried to distance himself from me and claim we needed time apart - I got fed up with him essentially ignoring me while claiming he loved me, and like yours, he refused to "let me" break up with him. We were long distance so our only means of communication were phone and text. He refused to answer his phone, so I had to end things on Facebook chat, because I refused to stay miserable for three months because of his immaturity.
Honestly, if you're not happy, run. Life is too short to be unhappy, and there are plenty of other guys out there who won't stop you seeing your friends and who will treat you properly.
Just spend time apart.
hmm. he's definitely not the one, huh...
well good luck with that.