Thursday, 13 October 2011
-
Dream Dating: Healthy or Unhealthy?
Many people have fantasies. They occupy a good deal of thought-time and appear to be harmless creatures, darting here and there in the invisible world, cloaked in the self. But when do they become harmful?Currently, I live in a place where I can't have a boyfriend. I'm out in the middle of nowhere with only the bushes and trees, but there are still the birds and the bees. At least in my head.
I guess I'm human.
I've created a romantic character based off of a novel character, let's call him that. And I spend a good deal of the day walking around look for his smile in various shapes: the moon, the garden bed, the bridge. I think I'm in love. We got out to eat sometimes, have tea together.
I'm perfectly happy now, but I thought back to when I was younger and found that I did similar things. I've spent time with Lestat, a character of Anne Rice's books. I had a crush on Augustus. And I had an imaginary boyfriend that I called Shaun, based solely on my imagination.
I've only had one serious relationship in my life, and he wasn't fulfilling. I found many faults, and we eventually drifted away due to differences. I didn't think much of it at the time because I didn't care. I'm not really attracted to anyone in my environments.
I don't care about dating.
I don't bond to people in the same way as I do fictional characters of my dreams. I don't feel as attached to the real world. When I feel like going on a date, I pick up a Nora Robert's novel instead, and I feel content.
Is what I'm doing normal? Am I normal? Is it healthy? Will I eventually find myself hurt or in the arms of some vile fate? Anyone else like this?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: Colorsofthenight@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 8242 Comments: 0 118 View all posts by Colorsofthenight@xanga
Comments (24)
-hugs- Dream about being with a girl I see... but she isn't fictional... I just can't be with her... >.> Well it just depends is it something you can tell your parents and friends and be proud about it?
I guess when I sit down and think about it... The situation you describe could be harmful, while a dream date or fantasy here and there are harmless... living with it 24/7 as opposed to real life is setting your self up for maaybe something dangerous. it builds your expectations to high of a real person and what if you meet someone and that person is everything you are thinking they are or wanting them to be, and then some and not in a good way... you can meet the most amazing person and they may look like they fit in to your expectations, but if you are expecting some dream person that is sexy, caring, athletic, superheroish or some of these characters in these books (I love to read, anne rice is one of my favs) you are setting your self up for a lifetime of sadness and loneliness to my way of thinking and the more you drift away from the real... and land in that fantasy world what will you do when you never find that person that fits all of that? Do you become depressed? So disillusioned with reality that you don't know what to do? What if you get so injured you decide that you don't want to be here anymore? when do you stop the fantasy and start to think about the reality of it all... no one will ever measure up to what we dream of or what is described in books or movies.
Harmful. Come back to reality.
Harmful in the long run...if you only become attached to fictional characters, you're always going to find so many flaws with real people. Real relationships are hard work, whilst imaginary ones really aren't going to be. It's different when you're five or ten or whatever--you're just going to hurt yourself more this way.
@FallenReign@xanga - hm, I'm more or less sick of constantly being forced into social roles with cliches like:
"grow up." No. Why? There's nothing there. I don't get decent health care if I work hard. I don't get a break. Everyone hurts me. I never get promoted. It's just constant abuse. Unless I can have money, power and immortality, I'm not motivated. The last thing i want is a family. I never get anything worth anything. It's always a facade. It's like we'll give you gumdrops if you jump off a bridge. You jump off a bridge and spend 10,000 at their hospital getting fixed. You're going to give me school then dumb me down even more - how clever.
"Accept reality." Yours. My reality is in fairyland where I can do what I want 24/7 and spend minimum effort on it. If I need food and have no money, I can go hunting. You keep your reality to yourself.
While humans accept this to please their masters out of some sort of desperation, I only need a smile here and there.
I call this adaptive preference due to the sheer shit that I'm faced with. When I laugh at them, they try to find what I have to lose. No, if they want me back they're going to have to inspire me.
Why would you work hard on something when it isn't natural? either the person wants to be with me or the person doesn't. Most don't. I'm not going to fight with them or force them to do what thy don't want to do. I don't even have those emotions anymore. What do you select a mate for anyway? I assume it's offspring, but what use are those? If you've spent a long time with children, you'd know they aren't worth it.
Well as long as you're happy and content with this lifestyle then I say don't change a darn thing!
Plus you live in the middle of nowhere so if you go a-wall you wont hurt anybody
@missmerlot@xanga - yeah, I went crazy the first couple times I was fed these realizations or isolated to burst at the first sign of acceptance because they're so much to bear and we're raised that we matter and that we'll be safe if we're good. Now people will claim that they know this when their emotional hue is clearly contrary and they rest in their world's awareness. It's a very closed-minded approach to the universe. I find the sociopath's mind much more liberating. I think the world would be a better place if we were all sociopaths. As long as they were wise sociopaths. I get annoyed at the baby ones like B. It's like, I'm just going to fucking shoot you. You've got to be joking. Yes, I know it's complicated,you want to feed us by killing them-it's either me or them or anyone, but I hate it here, and you've made me mad in the system you designed, so you must have committed a crime if the crime was even myself. It's like, it's either you or me, and you're already coming at me again, so you're going if that's our logic. The baby sociopath again. P is one too, but he has blonde hair, which I find pretty, so he's easier to forgive. I'm going to fuck him because he made me mad. I'll never be fulfilled until I violate him. That is my instinct. It's just because they haven't experienced the environment. Must make myopic awarenss that they took from me. We were talking in the doctor's office today, and I told them I was sick of cat and mouse. It's like, just kill and walk away, bury the dead with respect and walk away, but they want to play like they're 10.
I ended up ego stretched out and laughing on the floor where I met God. He has all the answers. Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try. LOL This was the one before the fake one.
Or maybe it's that I don't like America, its knowing or its gods. I'm trapped on repeat, nothing I do is worth anything. It's all a trap. It's like, you're a fucking loser, but now i have to fuck your awareness due to our species. I asked to leave, and they freaked. Let me have one ounce of good, even if it's imaginary. Let me go dig through a trash bin in a third world country and just leave me alone for once.
Most people walk blindly through life without much thought to existence. This was designed by the elites and it's boring. I want to be invited to the party. I'm sick of the illogical agreements of my epic worthlessness.
Greed, jealousy, lust, anger those are all survival instincts that we quell for a pseudo-peace. Is it worth it? this compromise? They want Hell to their desperation, but it isn't Hell if you're used to it.
It isn't good and it isn't bad. It's opposing force.
I do it too. It's unhealthy. We'll look at normal human men, and they would be never be "perfect" because there is only perfect in our heads.
But then again... it's called having standards right? That way we know what we want...& know when something it's right in a real-world relationship..?
Honestly, I think things like the GI bill destroy us because of course you can't let us all have it. You'd never be able to afford that or anything else in utopia, and the only reason I'm going for it is because I've been psychopathically driven towards one end instead of someone with a brain helping me avoid all these situations I've been in. And usually I'm fairly accepting, but I went off my rocker. Yeah, I did think he was talking to dinosaurs but I've learned my awareness has real world meaning.
@xaannnniieex@xanga - I've thought it's destructive to my environment because I can never have what I want which frustrates me. Then I get demoralized or delusional, whichever one comes first really. I should have been excited while I was when I got promoted, but I was too busy making up for the school-thing. I started to do well in school too while I was out on my own and in the army and that became my focus. And rightly so considering that I was a target as usual. CID followed me around on Bliss and said things off my blog to me. I thought that's all they could do. I was wrong. They've tortured me. I really just want invalids out. Everyone seems to be delusional about their futures and know that mine is going to be bad. I had a small one that I nurtured, and when they took that away from me, I freaked. All I wanted to do was go to a community college and then write for myself. I personified P because they always accuse me of that, and then it happened for real like bad. If they send animal signals out, I'm going to pick up on them because I'm melted. yes, God. All retards are. It's a trick they use. I want to stay single, and I've never been hurt so bad as asshole.
I get paid less than everyone. Nobody wants to hire me because i don't deserve. In order for me to survive, someone has to take control of my entire life and plot it, which is why I like P. I get what you do.
Dreams are destructive is going to be a blog post, and i"m going with sluggishly progressive schizophrenia as being legit. You're torturing me with this possibility here. Most of the reason why I'm so focused on nonsense is because one, I can't have anything in the world and two, it's never enough.
I would be efficient in my enviornment if I ever had a chance and not destroyed. I usually do as well as everyone.
Because you will be trashed out when you try to compete.
Because I'm labeled as disabled, they target me because they @ me. I see you too. Good, now we know that we aren't blind.
Now I want them to open labor camps and get all the spoiled asses in there. I'll go too, but hey, they're there. They have no fear. I think it's rude.
If it truly makes you happy and you feel like you can spend the rest of your life in la-la land with your head in the clouds then... BY ALL MEANS, keep on keepin' on!
I don't think that's necessarily healthy, though, for someone who wants an honest relationship with another human being. For now, if you're satisfied, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. However, I do think some day sooner or later you will end up needing connection on a romantic level with someone other than the men you develop in your head (or who an author develops in a book). In my personal opinion, NOTHING beats the feeling of loving someone, TRULY loving someone, and having that person love you in return.
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - Children aren't worth it? Okay, whatever. You're awfully touchy about this to be posting about it on datingish. But whatever, really. Have fun "hunting."
@FallenReign@xanga - it's called adaptive preference. I can't have what I want, so I accept what i'm given. Since what I'm given is deviance, I am tortured. You value children, which means that I have to for your value to have worth. This gets really complicated. I'm awfully enraged about confusion.
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - Well, I mean I'm not a doctor but I think you sound fine to me.
Woah. You're some kind of awesome, actually. You should pursue your writing and explore this idea in it. This is the kind of madness that has the potential to make for great novels.
Nike Dunk SB Shoes
Nike air Jordan shoes
nike air max shoes
Nike Air Shox shoes
Nike basketball shoes
Nike air Yeezy shoes
Nike Ken Griffey JR Shoes
Nike soccer shoes
RADII Footwear
Gucci sneakers
Supra shoes
nike air force one shoes
Adidas Shoes
Cole haan Fashion
Prada shoes
MBT shoes
Louis Vuitton shoes
Tods shoes
High heel shoes
Karen Millen
Timberland boots
CL Men Shoes
Shmack Shoes
Puma Shoes
Vlado Shoes
ATO Matsumoto shoes
Vibram FiveFingers
Men jeans clothing
Women jeans clothing
Ed Hardy Hoodies
Men T-shirt Clothing
Women T-shirt Clothing
Men long sleeve t-shirt
Women long sleeve t-shirt
AAA Brand Handbags
bags & handbags & luggage
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - I agree with this entirely. You are so well-spoken.
@SamsamSoeey - Agreed!! She's so brilliant, I have always thought this too.
@FallenReign@xanga - She was saying that there is no intrinsic value in reproducing, and it can limit you. She can hunt because she can resort to primitive ways if society is going to destroy her ability to progress. Look, I understand if you can't read through her metaphors; they are extremely advanced and take a lot of brain power to get, but please don't put down what you can't understand.
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - "Is what I'm doing normal? Am I normal? Is it healthy? Will I
eventually find myself hurt or in the arms of some vile fate? Anyone
else like this?"
1. Your normal doesn't have to conform to society's definition of the word.
2. As long as you don't completely lose touch with reality, I don't think you'll have issues, especially since you seem to be highly self aware and introspective.
3. I believe that fate plays an important role when it comes to the people you meet: family, friends, and soul mates but that doesn't mean you're necessarily destined to be with any of these people forever because of the decisions you make after you've met them. These individuals may be good or bad or somewhere in the middle but it's up to you to decide how you'll direct your life and your relationships, not fate so if you find yourself hurting, know that you have the power to change that state of mind.
4. You're not alone in this because I'm somewhat like you. I've been daydreaming for over a decade now about this and that and though I'm only 21, I realized from brief, failed, romantic relationships, which I ended myself because they didn't feel right, that I don't ever want to settle for second best. If that means, I'll probably end up alone, that's
perfectly fine with me. I'd actually be relieved by such a situation because the I find the business of SOs time- and energy-consuming. Perhaps I'll change my mind in a few years but I don't think so because I like being accountable only to myself. If that sounds selfish to someone else, that's their problem. I also find human interaction mentally and emotionally exhausting so I revel in my solitude, which explains my attitude towards romantic entanglements in particular and people in general. It's not that I don't love my family and the few close friends I have; it's just sometimes (OK, a lot of times) I prefer my own company. I enjoy being left to my own thoughts and devices when alone. As a lonely child, books were my best friends because they let my imagination wander freely and dream endlessly. Despite my frequent flights of fancy, I'm still grounded in reality because I understand the likelihood of realizing my dreams is low but at the same time, I know there's potential to make whatever I want happen even if I have to change things up a little. So, basically, what I'm saying is don't worry yourself because others might find you strange. I think of them as the abnormal ones, boring people who won't allow their extraordinarily powerful minds to imagine things beyond the ordinary. Just believe in yourself.