Wednesday, 12 October 2011
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I Can't Stand a Man That Cries
"Aw. I love it when a man cries. It is so cute. It proves that he's sensitive and in touch with his emotional side!" Really? You think a sniveling, snot-faced grown man is cute?! Come on, ladies. I bet you heard that line from Cosmopolitan magazine along with their oh-so-classic sex advice of "shove your finger in his ass and if he likes it, keep doing it."
But really, I cannot stand the sight of a man crying. His face gets all red and puffy, his eyes scrunch up, snot drips from his nose as he sniffles, then eventually he chokes on his own mucus from sobbing out his brains. Not one of those things mentioned is attractive to me. And I know what you're thinking, everyone cries! Yes, I know, but for some reason I like to think of men as men, not a teary-eyed teenage girl watching a sappy romantic comedy.
Let me tell you a quick story to justify my reasoning. An ex-boyfriend of mine used to cry. All. The. Damn. Time. He couldn't take a joke and would rather insinuate that it was a hateful jab at his self-esteem, then begin to tear up.
The first time this happened I felt terrible. I mean, I had made my 21-year-old boyfriend cry without even purposely trying! It all started on a Skype conversation. We were just chit-chatting and everything was going well until I made a minor joke about his receding hairline. I honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal until he hid his face behind a pillow and after a couple silent, awkward minutes he pulled the pillow away to reveal that he was, in fact, crying!
I was in shock and immediately began apologizing. Nobody ever wants to make another person upset, so I did what any normal girl in my position would do. But in reality, I believed he was overreacting.
Another incident was when we were about to break-up for the... fifth time. He sobbed, begged, and cried his eyes out so I wouldn't leave him. This was the first time where I felt the disgust at the sight of seeing another human being (more importantly, a man) cry. It was strange. Normally, the roles would be reversed where I, the female, would be sobbing my eyes out to try and make the relationship work. However, in this situation, it wasn't so.
Fortunately for me, I am no longer with him, but even so to this day, I can't stomach the image of a grown man looking all teary-eyed. I mean, I feel bad for another person when they're sad, yet it does make me feel uncomfortable, too.
So, ladies (and those lovely gentlemen out there), what is something that makes you feel uncomfortable that the opposite sex does?
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- From: heybrighteyes@xanga
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Comments (152)
Jay-Z cries, just not in public. And you sound like a mega-bitch juuuust sayin
This makes me sad. I think any kind of person crying is sad, but not one more than the other. I read the book "I don't want to talk about it" about male depression. Men aren't allowed, socially, to show their emotions. Saying men look cute or hideous when they cry (I think) sends the same message. That somehow men crying is a spectacle.
haha a man that sounds like he is gay! lol oh wow i know that sounds horrible, but pretending like they are gay is something that i hate.. also, when a man is super late on a date
Are you sure it's the crying and not the fact that he overreacted so much that disgusted you?
It's good that you're honest about it. Most girls say they want a crybaby man. Not because they actually DO want someone who's sensitive like that, but because saying something like that makes them look good.
And yeah, crying doesn't look attractive at all, regardless of gender.
have you ever cried, and has anyone thought you overreacted? if yes, then STFU.
My husband cried when he watched our son being born...does that make him "a sniveling, snot-faced grown man"?
My girlfriend wishes I would cry more often. I know it sounds cliche, but I've grown so used to holding back tears in past relationships, that I just don't know how to cry any more.
That's okay. We can't stand you either.
@makou3347@xanga - Don't give in. Most of the time, they don't mean it when they say they want to see you cry.
guys have been taught from an early age not to express emotion
its something i think they need to work past and realize emotion is okay, crying is okay, and society is wrong.
i'm going to be the first one here to semi-support this post. i think she didn't express herself clearly. i understood this as hating excessive crying. i wouldn't stay with a girl who cried too much. it's too high maintenance. nor would i stay with a girl who couldn't take a harmless joke.
i wouldn't be caught dead crying in front of a girl, particularly one i was dating. i don't think i'd ever be able to look her in the eye again. but then again, the last time i cried was when i saw my grandfather die in the hospital. i was 17. soooo don't see myself crying again anytime soon.
i can understand this... my ex used to cry and whine a lot too which made me very angry because he did it sooooooo often (crying is fine and all but not everytime there's an arguement). but i think that is a general annoying thing. i doubt most guy would love his girl to be crying all the time and whining. =/ just like i dont want a guy whining and crying all the time. which is my one majoy turn off. if a guy is more sensitive than me... if I feel like the "man" in a relationship, i start to lose interest. =/
If he doesn't let you see or hear him cry, he isn't a man.
What you describe was not a man crying. He was a boy who overreacted, super sensitive, low self esteem, and uses his tears as a manipulating weapon to get what he wants or for you to feel sorry for him. It's normal for a man to cry. It's normal for a man to look all snobby, red in the face, and boogers all over his face. We (or most of us) women do it all the time. Why should we be excuse and not men? I think this has to be one of those double standards and stereotyping crap. I like men who cries because they're normal and it shows me that they can put their pride down from time to time and release their sadness in forms of tears. Doesn't it feel good to just let it out sometimes? I know it sure does!
Everyone has things that bother them and most of the time you can't really help what triggers your ick factor. I don't like it when anyone cries "all the time" and "over every little thing" but crying at times when it's expected doesn't bother me. I can't stand whining or baby talk.
I like it when a dude cries...it really does show he's human. I hate it when GUYS or GIRLS spit. Spitting is such a gross thing to do. To each his/her own, I guess.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I have to agree she didn't properly convey what she meant.
The male gender is generally raised with the phrase, "Stop that! Boys don't cry!" or "Man up!" so on some level it actually is a bit of a spectacle to see a man cry.
Personally, I have to side with you on this. I have run across a few "men" who cry whenever anything bad happens to them and it's both a pathetic and annoying sight to behold, at least in my eyes. It just means your an insecure, to put it bluntly, whiny bitch. It also tends to be someone who has nothing really terribly wrong in their life and my observations of these "men" over the years has lead me to suspect that this excessive crying is a result of being a "Mama's Boy", a.k.a. their mother coddled and spoiled them far too much.
Am I saying men aren't allowed to cry? No, not at all. But in this case of your ex, I'd give him a tall glass of "Man the f*ck up!". Seriously, he cried over a joke? That should've been a massive red flag to drop his ass, way too insecure.
In short, men are perfectly and completely allowed to cry. But guys...have a little dignity and self respect when you do so.
@Guteman91 - O wise one, would you please illuminate us as to "Man the f*ck up!" actually even means beyond pure gender assertion? Women like it when men can be emotionally open. We run to those who fill us with emotion... And by the way you seem like a tool-bag.
Wow... yeah... hmmm... mmm...
Ummm, you DO understand that crying is just crying right?
I would understand if someone was being overly dramatic.
But people have EMOTIONS... and guess what sweetheart, you don't get to deny them their emotions.
How would you feel if something was important/hurtful/a big deal to you and everoyne told you, "WOMAN UP! It's not such a big deal!" ... ?
I learned long ago that you never be/do something to someone that you wouldn't want done to yourself. This is where COMPASSION comes in.
Even if you think it's "stupid..." it's still THEIR emotions, and they have a RIGHT to them man, woman, whatever.
So, if the sight of a man crying bothers you so much, maybe you should stop looking. Because I'm sorry but there are such things as emotions in the human race and everyone is hurt, saddened, angered, devastated, etc by something "different" ...
In the end? You wouldn't want someone to tell you that you look all "ugly, puffy eyed and red" when it was the world to you now would you? ;)
Honestly, I don't mind my bf crying because it shows me what a wonderful sensitive person he is, and because of that we can connect on a very deep level. You have your preferences but please don't put down all guys that cry. They are human after all and they will cry. They will overreact, I'm sure you've done the same too. They are not emotionless robots.
Though I think it was merely the overreactions you didn't like and it wasn't the crying per say. There's a big difference. Though I'm not sure what the problem and stigma of guys crying comes from. It's ridiculous in my honest opinion.
@Guteman91 - Ouch. That's pretty harsh, don't you think? Crying doesn't necessarily have to mean those things, some people are just emotional by nature. Doesn't matter what gender. It's sad that you have that view and mentality on this. I prefer my bf to cry rather just be a stone cold macho man. I can't connect with anyone like that. I can't connect with anyone that isn't remotely human because our emotions make us human.. But wow, just wow. That's just harsh all around. I guess guys can't be humans at all? If so, what are they? Same goes to you too @TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Though I don't understand how crying a lot means high maintenance, please explain that logic to me?
@QuantumStorm@xanga - It isn't in all intents and purposes but it's part of us. This I do know.
I cry. My boyfriend cries. Sometimes shit happens. It's all good.
What you mind is emotional abuse, which is what happened to you, but you incorrectly blamed the sight of a man expressing his emotions, which is not wrong. Break the classical conditioning and you'll become a better person.
—Yao Wentiao
:\ Cold hearted much? Guys ARE allowed to have emotions, in case you didn't know....From day one they're told to "man up" and to "stop being a bitch" which is totally wrong. My boyfriend cries in front of me when hes stressed out and guess what? I COMFORT him, I don't tell him hes being a baby. What a horrid thing to think...
It's people like you that make me lose faith in humanity today. I can't believe you really think that a guy shouldn't be able to break down and cry.
My boyfriend cries, but only recently. I never saw him cry until he cheated on me, now he cries all the time, it makes me cry. I don't like seeing anybody cry, because one thing I ABSOLUTELY HATE is seeing other people in pain. I want to take the pain away, but most of the time I don't know what to do. :/