Wednesday, 12 October 2011
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Lesbi-honest, Shall We?
On a recent episode of Jersey Shore (I know, I know…shame on me), one of the characters, Nicole or as she is most commonly known, “Snooki,” is seen making out with and fondling a fellow roommate—another female roommate to be exact. Now if this was not dramatic enough, at the time of this incident, Snooki also happens to be in a serious relationship with a rather conservative and image conscious man.
He always worries about how Nicole carries herself and wants her to act more like a lady so as not to embarrass him or herself, but we all see how that went! Later on, out of a sense of guilt, she decides to call him and tell him about her little escapade. I’m sure if she had told him she had messed around with another guy, her boyfriend, Jionni, would’ve blown a gasket but to everyone’s surprise, he takes it in stride!
He simply asks if she was sure that kissing was all that occurred and if those actions had only transpired with Deena (the roommate) and Deena alone. When snooki said yes to both those questions, Jionni simply said all right and dropped the issue. It was unclear if Jionni had been okay with this faux pas because it took place with someone who was a friend or because it was someone who happened to be female or maybe it could’ve been a combination of both?
What is clear, however, is that Jionni being able to quickly overlook this debacle highlights society’s general stance on females engaging in same sex activities. Girl on girl action is seen as light hearted and uncontroversial. Women who consider themselves straight who take part in these acts are viewed as just having fun or being a “bit wild” at most. It may even be a turn-on.
However when it comes to guys classified as straight behaving in a similar fashion, I don’t know if society has such an easy going view. In fact, I believe, in these cases, people are quick to question the guys’ sexuality and not be as forgiving.
If you are a female and you found out your boyfriend had made out with another guy, how would you react? As compared to if he had made out with another girl, would you be more willing to overlook it and write it off as “guys just having fun”? Would you find it sexy? Or would you be worried that there are more serious underlying issues?
If you’re male, how would you react if you found out that during the course of your relationship, your girlfriend had kissed another girl? Would you be as upset as if you had learned she made out with another guy?
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Comments (38)
I wouldn't be happy if she was kissing another girl...
I think if I were in a relationship, I would be upset if my SO made out with anyone other than me, regardless of whether the person was male or female.
lebihonest! haha gotta love paulie.
but yeah, if i had a boyf that was entirely okay or even encouraging of me getting more than a peck from my gf, I'd be a little hurtRegardless of gender I would freak out.
My SO and I had a conversation about this... it is not okay if you are in a relationship no matter the sex, at least IMO. Even though whats his name let it go rather easily it is still kissing someone other than your SO and that should be frowned upon and dealt with, not swept under the rug. I applaud that she was honest with him though. that just doesn't happen enough in most relationships in this type of situation.
haha I like the title.
I wouldn't like it no matter who the other person is. It is all cheating to me. I can't believe Jionni didn't dump her on that alone. However, they get to decide what they handle.
On one hand, Jionni must accept Snooki for who she is. On the other hand, Snooki must decide what type of behavior she wants to take part in if she is a taken women. I can't understand how she slept with Vinnie so easily right after "breaking up" with Jionni. In the AH show, it sounded like Snooki said her and Jionni are still together. If she's smart, she won't get that drunk anymore IMO.
i think cheating is totally terrible no matter what, but... for some reason i think cheating with the same sex is NOT as bad as with the opposite sex, if you're already in a straight relationship. so if you're with a guy & you cheat with a girl, it's not as bad because it means you're learning/ you learned something about yourself that you didn't know before, & maybe you're really gay or bi.
that's different from a girl having a bf and finding some other guy hot and cheating with him. it's like what was wrong with your bf in the first place? you need TWO guys now? it's annoying & cheap & stupid. well enough said. great post :>
Cheer and then ask to join it!
But I'm in an open relationship. Don't ask me about infidelity, I won't be helpful at all. XD
ugh i hate this topic. the last 3 sentences, 4th paragraph made me CRINGE
i really do not like the girls who just do that shit for "attention" to "impress guys" because they think its "cool" and just wanna be "wild" .... fuck you, they're another human being!!! they're not you're fucking party toy for insecure you!!!!!!
and i totally feel for guys on this issue- there seems to be VERY straight guys, and straight up gay guys. the bi thing is difficult because in my experience they've just been closeted totally gay people. but i think its natural to appreciate female beauty, yet if you would only have SEX with a guy- you're gay.
but i agree with the other posters- if you did not talk anything out, they just did it, regardless of the gender, you hearing about something AFTER is definately not okay. but considering that most girls just do the girl on girl thing for attention, thats why most people dont take it seriously because its not REAL.
clever title. i don't like how society encourages artificial female bisexuality (because i don't think real bisexuals would do it for attention) and shuns it in men.
My boyfriend practically begs me to cheat on him with a girl.
...but only if I let him watch. haha.
but if I even get close to dancing with another guy at a bar, he considers that cheating and says he would dump me.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - haha I know right. Eff this monogamy none sense.
My husband and I had that conversation, I was bisexual as in do it with another woman behind closed doors and away from all men. I believed in I guess bisexual polygamy, a girl having both a bf and a gf or a man having both a gf and a bf. He told me if I ever met a woman I was interested in, she better be good enough for me to lose him so I gave that up quickly. He's enough for me anyways. Because of that, I'd be upset if he made out with another man, because I'm not allowed he's not either.
I dated a guy who made out with his best friend - another guy. He called it "bi-curious", I called it cheating.
I think if you'd be upset with one gender, you should be upset with both. Even though I don't go around kissing everyone I find attractive, I honestly don't think I'd be mad if my SO kissed someone else. Guy or girl. Then again, I am open to polyamory (even though we're committed at the moment) and not everyone else is. I think it all depends on what you and your SO discuss for boundaries in your relationship.
My relationship with my boyfriend allows for same gender interaction with others, but not with opposite gender interaction (ie, I can do things with girls and he can with guys) - with permission. Why? Not because my attraction toward girls is less important than my attraction toward guys, but because they're different. The way I fall in love with the genders is distinct, and therefore, in my case, me doing things with other guys IS more of a threat to our stability than me doing things with other girls. And visa versa, more or less, though the nuances are different with him.
That said, without permission, it's all cheating. But I'd definitely be more angry about a girl than a guy... because girls are more of a legitimate threat to me than guys. And he'd almost definitely be more angry about me cheating on him with a guy than with a girl.
This isn't flawless, because there's definitely gender stereotypes involved... but it's not worth it to either of us to pretend we don't have the biases, because we do. And that's that.
Im engaged and bicurious and he doesnt mind if I do anything. It's just not that serious to us. And we're pretty much NOT concerned about society's views towards it- its OUR relationship.
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From the little I know of this ridiculous show, it is a mockery of society's degrading morality. I cant wait to see what kind of leather these bitches' will look like in just a few years. MUAHAHAHAA
My boyfriend knows I'm bi, he also knows I'd never cheat on him. I can assure you that if I was making out with a girl it wouldn't be any more "lighthearted fun" than it is for me to make out with a boy.
As a lesbian, I get insulted by how many straight women, in fully committed, straight relationships,start hitting on me once they know I'm lesbian. They don't want a relationship with me, they want to have experiences with me, so that later they can say "yeah, I've kissed a girl" or something similar. I have made mistakes in believing that these women were interested in me. And then came to find out they were dating a man, didn't believe this constituted cheating, and found no reason to tell the guy - or me.
It is frustrating, because you have to learn the hard way that many women are not interested in forming lesbian relationships (regardless of whether they are bisexual or actually gay, I'm talking about being monogamous) - they are only interested in a bit of sexual adventure.
I don't like that mindset. I certainly don't have that mindset. If I am in a committed relationship with another female, but decide I'm interested in a man, I would end my current relationship before persuing another. Regardless. I don't believe in fooling around. And I believe that those women are just Fooling Around, and, at least when they're doing it with lesbians or bisexuals actually interested in them - they're leading them on.
@myheartismadeofMETAL@xanga - Exactly. People always try to justify their wrong doings.
@slimexistence@xanga - That's fucking awful.
Society is afraid of gay males, and doesn't take seriously gay females.
Here for awhile I've wished I could be a lesbian, because I thought life would be easier. maybe i was wrong.
This sounds very heartbreaking. No better than the men who see women as toys, in a straight context.
I hate people.
@slimexistence@xanga - That's terrible. I won't lie and say that I haven't considered experimenting with other girls because for a little while I thought I might be attracted to girls (still could be, just not sure) but I am always very honest about my intentions.
It's one thing if both people understand the situation fully and are down for a little playtime, but it's wrong to go into something like that without even being upfront about it. It's downright bitchy. Sorry you have to deal with that.
@slimexistence@xanga - Yeah, honesty really matters.