Tuesday, 11 October 2011
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I'm Not Into One-Sided Love
We've all been there: The instant connection, the infatuation, the over-the-top feeling so close to love that you think it just may be that. And then time goes by and date after date you begin to realize that it's true. You have, indeed, fallen in love with this person – the one who you were never supposed to meet, or were always supposed to meet. You're not sure.
You're only sure that it's been so long since you felt this way about someone that you started to think that maybe you would never get a chance to feel it again. And who doesn't love that feeling? It's a toss up, really, which one is better – loving someone or being loved by that someone. And when it happens simultaneously? Oh my God. I swear it's like hitting the lottery.
It's the reason people speed date and join dating websites and get set up by friends. It's the reason they agree to blind dates and bar hookups and social mixers. Because, yes, they want a companion, but even more so – they want that feeling. And if you have ever been lucky enough to have had it – then you know what I've been rambling on and on about.
If you've ever lost either of those feelings – or had them ripped away from you – then you'll also understand what I'm about to ramble on about...
Short of someone dying, I don't think there's anything worse than someone allowing you to feel that way and then changing their actions or mind or both. It's equivalent to giving a kid free reign in a candy store, watching her skip through the aisles, gleefully filling bag after bag with delicious sweets, only to deny her at the check-out counter. Pure devastation.
To go from secretly planning your wedding and naming your future children to finding out it was all just false hope? It can very nearly break a person. It has very nearly broken me.
At this stage in my life, though, I'm tired. I'm tired of the constant disappointment brought to me by guy after guy. The backflipping-butterflies-feeling-turned-tearful-acceptance when I realize that the fairytale was nothing but a story. Something sweet told to me and by me to fulfill some life-long dream that we all have. The dream that one day we will be rescued by our prince or we will find our princess.
Sometimes I think I want it so bad that I'm willing to overlook crucial elements of the situation I find myself in. Like, Does he even love me back? Yes, he loves that I'm so pretty and, yes, he loves my intelligence or body or my humor or my aspirations.
But does he love that I sometimes snort when I laugh? I don't know. Does he love me more than his friends and his video games and his weed? No, I don't think so. Because, if he did, he would be with me right now and not treating me like a stranger. Like someone he barely likes, let alone loves.
And so, as painful as it is to let go of a love that I thought was the one I had been searching for, I'll do it. Because it's not fun pouring all your love into someone or something that won't or can't reciprocate. It's saddening and it's hurtful and it's painful. And those three words don't belong anywhere near the word "love."
So I'll keep looking...because I'm not into a one-sided love.
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About the Author
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- From: Jenn
- About Me: I have been on more bad dates than I have fingers and toes to count on -- and I'm only in my early twenties! I laugh when I watch 'Sex & the City,' because I've had so many dysfunctional relationships that they might as well as made me their 5th friend. Even so, I used to love going on dates with different guys (now I only let one guy take me out on dates), eating great food, and talking on the phone until 3AM. I never did get over the idea that a guy should treat a girl like a princess -- even if I've encountered one too many frogs.
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Comments (44)
Yes I understand what you are talking about and as you say I was not into "one-sided love" either and walked. Now I have my mate and partner. It happens. It really does. For a long time I thought it wasn't real, but it is and I have never been happier. the difference is, he is my partner and my best friend... someone I respect and cherish and he gives me that back. It is not "one-sided" anymore. I hope you find yours one day also.
Good luck. We all need it.
This was actually heartfelt. I'm impressed Jenn.
Keep writing like this and more people might actually relate to your articles and enjoy them more! I didn't even think it was you who wrote it and was shocked that it was!
and since its not pissy she will get less comments, trolls bring in the views.
I'm not into relationships so its all alright on my end
@splinter1591@xanga - So I guess you're calling yourself a troll, you're a viewer? lol. I've noticed the people who call the hate comments trolls are generally people who claim to not be a relationship person and claim to be "alright" with that. Interesting.
@Anonymous - i am a troll, but I wasn't in that instance
@splinter1591@xanga - I find it funny that people will complain about the hate comments being so rude and then when she doesn't get any hate comments people say there will be less comments as though they wanted the hate comments back. Honestly, make up your damn minds.
I feel like I am in a situation of infatuation... it just consumes me..
You finally wrote something I agree with.
I think very few people know what love is, and I can honestly say I'm one of those people.
I feel your pain. Sorry for your heartbreak, but I think there's better things (and people) planned for you ahead.
i definitely don't like one sided love too..it's all or nothing for me.
I've come to find in relationships that if it seems like a storybook romance or fairytale, run away...because it is too good to be true, and something will always happen that leads to heartbreak.
Maybe your ex just came to that realization before you did.
This was beautifully written.
You didn't love them if you expected to be treated like a princess.
And I don't blame them for not loving you back considering how that is the case.
But go ahead and keep making yourself believe you've done no wrong, and that it's always been THEIR fault for not living up to your ridiculous and unrealistic expectations of the male sex.
I'm sure that attitude won't haunt you forever.
When your looks fade and you'll no longer be pedestalized by naive dudes, you may come to realize just how good you had it, and yet you squandered it by being a controlling, entitled, stuck-up psycho to all the men in your life.
Good job with this one (I'm ignoring the I'msopretty comment).
@AmorVomnia7@xanga - You bring up a good point, if I hadn't read all her previous entries about her previous relationships I would have felt more sympathy, but she kinda deserves these treatment from guys not having a good guy when she ranks them constantly and judges them profusely.
It's also pretty funny how some guys are incredibly obsessed with Jen, especially Chump Chibi even more so than the people they bash, but according to her expectations she wouldn't give them the time of day yet they're still acting like they actually have a chance with her, lol.
She sounds like an honest person, or she wouldnt have opened up to her feelings.
@jaydonna - If you had read her previous blogs, being "honest" is no excuse to be rude to people and judge them. And people are just being honest back as to what they think about her blogs. Her previous blogs were narcissist and condescending and hardly anyone could relate to them. She isn't the only honest person around here. She fails to see that she's mostly the problems in the relationships which is why guys end up treating her badly. She has extremely high almost unreachable expectations of guys and she wonders why her relationships fail? Honesty is a two way street and I wish the guys she talks shit about would comment on datingish just so people could see their point of views of her. This is a one-sided story. There's two sides to every story, just remember that.
No, this one hurt SO much because if anything, this is the one post EVERYONE can relate to.
Including myself. My heart's hurting after reading this.
You're a good writer Jen, I just wish you could try harder being a better and more understanding person.
This one is very true to relate to everyone. I think it can be a reason that people are afraid off being in love because they have to have that person love them back and even though they can say those three little letters does it really mean them.
If you are in love you normally want to always be with that person or have some kind of contact with that person and if they are avoiding you and never around how can you perceive that they love you back?
We need our distance every once in awhile but not that much distance.
Just wanted to leave props for writing something that can be related too and stirred emotions beyond anger. Nicely done.
@StatelessPilot@revelife - I dont really think its fair for you to generalize that 'God' or 'Love' doesnt exist. Just because it hasnt come into your life just yet doesnt mean its not real. One day, you too might find yourself knocked completed on your butt by an emotion and an utter happiness that can only be chalked up to "love".