Sunday, 09 October 2011
For the past few months my boyfriend and I have had increasing problems in our relationship. Some of it is from stress of finding work, some from me because school is getting harder and requires more of my attention. Those are the least of my worries it seems. The biggest problem that I seem to be having is trying to deal with his bipolar disorder.
Let me back track a little bit for a second though. Growing up, he was always put down by his family. They called him every name you can really think of. His parents are crap and he doesn't live with them anymore (he lives with other family members who also constantly put him down). He was forced into this shell of seclusion and was never used to talking to anybody.
When we met and decided to be together, I found out that I was his first relationship. At first I thought it was cute, being somebody's first everything. Now I'm just not so sure anymore.
We've been together for quite a while (more than 6 months) and are definitely smitten with each other but like I've already said, dealing with his disorder is becoming increasingly hard to do (he's also not taking any medication for it). As normal couples should, we do argue...about petty stuff and about some serious issues that we need to work through.
Some of the things he does is starting to become more apparent to me. Like when we do argue, he always puts himself down to an extreme point where it becomes hard to talk to him. He shuts down when I need him the most. Now, I'm not emotionally dependent at all but when you're upset you do need your partner to hold you and tell you we're going to get through it.
If I'm upset he gets more distant, calls himself a piece of shit and I'm the one who has to comfort him, when I'm the one who really needs the comforting. Any negative confrontation makes him go distant.
He also has a huge problem communicating things to me. Like when he found a job and didn't tell me until I had to play 20 questions (which has happened before, this isn't the first time). We talk about it....he says he's sorry and guess what happens? He shuts down again. This doesn't help the trust issues I have from past relationships either.
I do understand that he has problems emotionally and I'm trying to do the best I can to not get mad sometimes but it's so hard to keep a level head at times.
I don't know if I should give up trying or what. I put everything I have into us, trying to make us work because I really do love him to death.What should I do?