I don't know how many of you
read the following link, but I was wondering if you thought this was an actual serious post?
Like, no disrespect, I have to give the author props for holding her ground to a guy, but comparing smoking to cheating?
Well, I can see why a pothead would choose weed over the author (not a personal attack, the following sentence explains why I feel this way), but I don't think every pothead will choose weed over every girl. Again, I'm not trying to disrespect the author, but she outright gave him an ultimatum, and people don't like ultimatums. But I mean, if you tell a grown man that he can't do something, he's not going to want to listen. If a guy told me I had to choose him or spending ridiculous amounts of money on my favorite music artist, I'd say "See ya," and head out the door.
And the worst part about this whole article, is that the guy did it and came clean. Now, lets say that the cheating comparison is accurate, if a guy cheats and then tells you, he's either scared he'll get caught, or he's genuinely sorry.
And it's pointless to debate about whether smoking weed is right or wrong, because the majority of people who have formed an opinion have formed an extremist one.
But, I do want to throw out there, smoking weed can become physically addicting for religious smokers, and this guy went over a year without it? Marijuana isn't like alcohol or tobacco, your tolerance goes down after a week without smoking, and I mean waayy down, so clearly this guy loved the girl.
Would you give somebody an ultimatum in the relationship? Would you leave somebody who gave you an ultimatum?
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Comments (59)
to me an ultimatum means they were never in it to begin with
or already made up their mind.
I don't do ultimatums not as a giver or a reciever. If you love someone then love them and if you don't love them walk away clean instead of making them feel bad about who they are. I don't want him to make sacrifices for me.
Well said, people make such a huge deal out of pot. Really, it's better than smoking cigarettes. No I don't make ultimatums, I compromise.
From my experience pot always won in my relationships which meant I shouldn't be in those relationships! If my partner does something that I profoundly disagree with and he profoundly disagrees with me then the relationship most likely wont work.
My current partner of 3 years smokes pot every day, the same way people smoke ciggs, and we fought about it in the beginning. What right did I have to come in and try and change part of his life? I told him that he could do w.e. as long as he didn't get in trouble with the law or go into debt. He agreed that if it ever got that far he would stop smoking pot.
It's important to have similar values as your partner and if you need to say drugs or me then maybe you should go.
in her blog, she said he told her he was done with it. So i see how it was a betrayl, the comparisson. Since she was so adamant about the no pot thing. Is it the same as cheating? Just depends on the persons view I guess. I know when my ex started doing heroin ("ex" addict at the time) again, relationship was over. lol. only so much i could deal with. =) so no ultimatums. either someone is going to keep to their word or not.
Replace pot with any other mildly addicting substance: video games, other drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. and you have the same equation. If it takes precedence over your relationship, then you have a problem.
I've been in the same position. I was not only engaged to him, but I was also carrying his child (I had a miscarriage). He promised he wouldn't smoke pot, so when he did, I felt like I was being cheated on. It honestly did hurt. I, also, gave him and ultimatum. He could either have me and his child or he could have his pot. He walked out and I ended it. Over the next few weeks, we went through the whole arguing stage and then one day it hit me. . . Was I the reason for him smoking pot? Sadly, I was. I had definitely changed. The pregnancy hormones plus stress from work turned me into a person that lead her boyfriend to smoke pot. Since then, we've had our ups and downs and pot has reared it's head, not only in his life but mine as well. But we're stronger than ever. Recently, he decided to quit, without telling me. He claims he doesn't need it anymore. Overall, you have to understand why someone reacts the way they do. Not everyone can handle stress and you should never have an ultimatum in a relationship. Pot, like every other developed habit, takes trial and error to quit.
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga - Agreed, an addiction is an addiction doesn't matter if it's to pot or something legal such as shopping. Any addiction is bad. If potheads know how to handle their finances and not get in trouble with the law then I have no problem with what they do.
She considers it cheating because he told her that putting the blunt to his lips would mean the same as another women's lips touching his. Eh, I don't know, everyone has their own opinion with this. I, honestly, am against it and it is an ongoing problem with my fiance,. But if it came down to it he would pick me and I know that. Right now we are just trying to compromise.
no, I'll just date someone, who doesn't do things that I'm highly against, so no ultimatums are needed in the first place. my preference are clean cut guys and that's that. they can do what they want, whether it be weed, alcohol, pills, cigs, inhaling helium,etc, but I want nothing to do with it, which works because I'm not dating them and vice versa
I've found a guy similar to my preferences and values, so it works.
in the example of a cheaters-just because he admits to it doesn't mean that I'll forgive him. the pot itself isn't cheating, but the action of him promising not to but doing it anyway, is why she compared it to cheating.
I wouldn't give someone an ultimatum and I wouldn't want someone else giving me an ultimatum. If he does, sorry, dude, I'm out. There's such thing as 'compromising' and I really think we should put that into practice. Mostly people give out ultimatum bc they think said person will choose them instead of whatever their other option is - but whoever is getting out the ultimatum, make sure you are prepare to lose the person, too. I heard too many stories where the guy/girl ends up getting back with them after their s/o choose the other object instead of them. Oh, my.
You're trying to rationalize the behavior of a woman. I think in Jenn's case, the pot was irrelevant and she was upset because she trusted him and the guy shattered that trust. It's similar to how a woman becomes very upset when she tells her mate to go clean the garage, he said he'll clean it at a certain time, but ends up not doing so.
I find Jenn's posts so funny that I can't take any of them seriously nor do I understand how anyone can take them seriously. You noted some of the inconsistencies in her post; I can't help but feel her stories are all made-up.
Before I say anything else, I will say that she overreacted to the situation. However, she also said she was 16, and at that age, almost anything in a relationship can be overly dramatic. It also sounded like it was a mix between him smoking pot, and her not agreeing with that, as well as him lying to her. He shouldn't have gone with linking smoking pot to cheating though, it contributed to making that situation a bigger deal than it should have been. Although again, he was 16 or around that age.
Ultimatums should never be given though. You have to give and take. Compromise is very important in a relationship. If there can't be compromises than there shouldn't be a relationship.
Personally, I never smoked weed nor do I plan on ever trying it. I don't hold it against people who do smoke it or have tried it. It's just not something I see myself participating in. However, I don't think I would dump a guy over it unless it became a constant thing or it started to affect their behavior (losing their job because of it, being destructive, etc.). And I've come to find out over the past few years that more people do it than people actually think. So I think an ultimatum is ridiculous unless it becomes a serious issue.
I just don't bother to read Jenn's posts anymore. She doesn't deserve any attention. But, if a guy chose weed over her, they dodged a major bullet and made a better choice.
I have given ultimatums. I know a lot of people don't like them but I think they are perfectly fine (of course I do, I give them lol). For me, basically I'm saying this is not something I can deal with anymore and if you continue to do it then I will leave. I think it's absurd to just up and leave without giving the person a chance to decide. But nobody should put up with something that bothers them so much (such as cheating, pot smoking, etc.).
If I didn't like something that someone was doing, I wouldn't be dating them in the first place. I don't date to change people, and I don't approve of people who will only stop (or start) doing something for MY sake. It has so much more meaning if they stop (or start) doing something for their own good, and not because someone else told them not to do it.
I wouldn't normally give ultimatums, maybe in certain situations. My ex certainly gave me one, he said I had to become Christian immediately (he sprung this on me out of nowhere-.-) or he'd leave me. Obviously you can't convert your religion overnight especially if you barely know anything about it so I couldn't do it. I did try to learn about it. Since I wasn't able to, he dumped me. Nice ultimatum, eh?
She KNEW coming into a relationship, that the guy smoked pot. THAT WAS HER FIRST MISTAKE.
you dont agree with something someone does, then you never should of started something with them in the first place.
@andylee@xanga - you actually get run down and often incredibly tired, which is a physical symptom. a lot of the symptoms are similar to that of a minor cigarette withdrawal. because your anxiety level (which is psychological) is increased, you often develop twitches and shaking (which are physiological) while you go through withdrawals. Yes, the withdrawal symptoms start as mental, but they often lead to that. of course, i'm talking about people who smoke weed multiple times a day, maybe daily, for an extended amount of time.
we just watched this extensively researched debate in one of my classes... so yeah... i mean, unless the people were just incredible extremists, which actually is a possibility, but, i'm pretty sure it was accurate since it came from more than one source which was based off of surveys and actual like, experiments.. :3
@tomuch2askfor@xanga - Exactly. I would never date a guy who I knew did something I was so opposed to.
Regardless of authorship, I understand why the author gave him an ultimatum. If you're not ok with someone doing drugs (and I'm not---if you are then that is a different story) and they've promised you they wouldn't, I would be pretty dang upset too if they went and did it anyway.
You're right, marijuana is not like alcohol or tobacco, which comparatively have a much shorter half life. This is the opposite of what you said.