Thursday, 06 October 2011
Around this time last year I was in a long distance relationship with a man in the Navy. I'm not going to say it was a terrible relationship, but let's just say the bad didn't outweigh the good in this matter. We dated for about 7 months or so and we had our ups and downs just like any normal couple. We did all the usual things to stay in touch like texting, phone calls, letters, Skyping, etc. However, we obviously weren't able to be physically around each other due to the great distance between us, which meant we were free to go about our everyday lives and do the things we wanted/needed to do during the day.
One of his favorite pastimes that bothered me the most was his excessive drinking. Him and his Navy buddies liked to party, go see the sites, bar hop on their free time, and whatever. At first, I didn't care that he was going out to clubs and drinking, because (as a silly female that I am) I trusted him. There isn't much else you can do in a LDR since you have to trust your partner or else the relationship will crumble from jealousy and paranoia. So, as the good girlfriend I was, I put my trust in him and hoped for the best.
About 4 months into the relationship, he called me like he normally would and told me all about his night. This time he told me how he went out with his buddies and he got drunk and danced with a few of the club dancers/strippers/whatever they were. I didn't want to come off as a paranoid girlfriend, but at the same time I didn't want to let it slip by without letting him know that it made me uncomfortable. So, I mentioned to him that I didn't appreciate him dancing with other women.
The conversation started out calmly, then progressively got worse, and ended with him saying quite sternly, "Don't ruin this for me. For once, I feel confident in myself, because other women find me attractive." At the moment, I felt guilty. I honestly thought I was taking something away from him, so I apologized to him and everything went back to normal.
There were a few other times in our relationship where he would make plans for a Skype date or to call me, but he wouldn't and in the morning I'd wake up to a text explaining that he blacked out from too much to drink. Once again, I brushed it off as nothing.
The final straw was when he had finally admitted to cheating on me in a Facebook message that he had gotten drunk and made out with another woman. In all honesty, I believe there was more to it, but I'd rather not know nor do I care. Eventually, he called me, because he thought I deserved "closure."
It was the most frustrating conversation that I have ever had to go through. At every chance he got he tried to turn it around to appear as if it were my fault or make it seem not as bad as it looked because he only had a small make-out session. And as he said, "I was drunk, so it wasn't like I was in the right state of mind."
To me, cheating is cheating. Drunk, buzzed, trashed, or sober cheating; it is all the same. Everyone knows their body and if they physically cannot control themselves while under the influence, then they should not put themselves in that situation where it is easy to cheat.
Has anyone else ever been in that situation? Maybe you've been the drunk one? Thoughts?