Thursday, 06 October 2011
-
Cheating is Okay as Long as You're Drunk, Right?
Around this time last year I was in a long distance relationship with a man in the Navy. I'm not going to say it was a terrible relationship, but let's just say the bad didn't outweigh the good in this matter. We dated for about 7 months or so and we had our ups and downs just like any normal couple. We did all the usual things to stay in touch like texting, phone calls, letters, Skyping, etc. However, we obviously weren't able to be physically around each other due to the great distance between us, which meant we were free to go about our everyday lives and do the things we wanted/needed to do during the day.
One of his favorite pastimes that bothered me the most was his excessive drinking. Him and his Navy buddies liked to party, go see the sites, bar hop on their free time, and whatever. At first, I didn't care that he was going out to clubs and drinking, because (as a silly female that I am) I trusted him. There isn't much else you can do in a LDR since you have to trust your partner or else the relationship will crumble from jealousy and paranoia. So, as the good girlfriend I was, I put my trust in him and hoped for the best.
About 4 months into the relationship, he called me like he normally would and told me all about his night. This time he told me how he went out with his buddies and he got drunk and danced with a few of the club dancers/strippers/whatever they were. I didn't want to come off as a paranoid girlfriend, but at the same time I didn't want to let it slip by without letting him know that it made me uncomfortable. So, I mentioned to him that I didn't appreciate him dancing with other women.
The conversation started out calmly, then progressively got worse, and ended with him saying quite sternly, "Don't ruin this for me. For once, I feel confident in myself, because other women find me attractive." At the moment, I felt guilty. I honestly thought I was taking something away from him, so I apologized to him and everything went back to normal.
There were a few other times in our relationship where he would make plans for a Skype date or to call me, but he wouldn't and in the morning I'd wake up to a text explaining that he blacked out from too much to drink. Once again, I brushed it off as nothing.
The final straw was when he had finally admitted to cheating on me in a Facebook message that he had gotten drunk and made out with another woman. In all honesty, I believe there was more to it, but I'd rather not know nor do I care. Eventually, he called me, because he thought I deserved "closure."
It was the most frustrating conversation that I have ever had to go through. At every chance he got he tried to turn it around to appear as if it were my fault or make it seem not as bad as it looked because he only had a small make-out session. And as he said, "I was drunk, so it wasn't like I was in the right state of mind."
To me, cheating is cheating. Drunk, buzzed, trashed, or sober cheating; it is all the same. Everyone knows their body and if they physically cannot control themselves while under the influence, then they should not put themselves in that situation where it is easy to cheat.
Has anyone else ever been in that situation? Maybe you've been the drunk one? Thoughts?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: heybrighteyes@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 5 Views: 0 22265 Comments: 0 303 View all posts by heybrighteyes@xanga
Comments (41)
Yeah, cheating's cheating.
Some people might be more or less likely to cheat while drunk, which isn't the problem. The problem is those people putting themselves in that situation.
Well one shouldn't be drinking to that point... For me no matter how intoxicated I was, I've never lost my mind...Now since I stopped drinking I never have this problem at all.
It's unfortunate but it has happened to me. But yeah, Cheating is never okay when you choose to do it to begin with.
Sure enough, alcohol lower your inhibition, but it don't make you cheat. He cheated because he wanted to; not only that, he put himself in the position to cheat on you. If you know your limits on alcohol, stop. If you want to go all out, you will have to pay for the consequences of your actions afterward. Using alcohol as an excuse to cheat is the oldest trick in history. I don't believe it and I will never. I have a low (and I mean, very low) tolerance of alcohol, and I almost always stick to my limit except on a few occasions, but they have never caused me to cheat and I was still very well aware of what I was doing (except, I couldn't walk straight). Lol.
But it seems like he's an manipulating asshole, anyways.
No, I have not been in that situation. Being drunk does not make cheating acceptable. If whatever action is acceptable, it is not cheating. I recommend monitoring your alcohol intake and prepare ahead of time by eating and staying well hydrated, so this never becomes an issue.
It sounds as if he was insecure with himself about you and your relationship, coupled with an insecurity about his manship. If you are sure of yourself, then dedicating yourself to someone isn't that hard, provided the other is sure of you-alls relationship. The fact that he was in the service doesn't excuse it nor does being drunk. While we do stupid things when inebriated, seeking to justify cheating because of drunkeness doesn't cut it. Good luck on future endeavors in the area of romance. Peace
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Cheating is a choice- not an "accident". I agree- drunk or sober- there is no excuse. Karma will get him. I hope you find someone who respects you.
cheating is a no no as long as anything. drunk or sober.
How dumb do people have to be to use that excuse? Cheating is cheating. Good riddance to him.
he's an immature savage, not a man. he belongs in the dumpster.
If someone gives me the "i was drunk" excuse... I'd call BS on them.
Been in this situation, and being drunk doesn't change a fucking thing.
Nike Dunk SB Shoes
Nike air Jordan shoes
nike air max shoes
Nike Air Shox shoes
Nike basketball shoes
Nike air Yeezy shoes
Nike Ken Griffey JR Shoes
Nike soccer shoes
RADII Footwear
Gucci sneakers
Supra shoes
nike air force one shoes
Cole haan Fashion
Prada shoes
MBT shoes
Louis Vuitton shoes
Tods shoes
High heel shoes
Karen Millen
Timberland boots
CL Men Shoes
Shmack Shoes
Puma Shoes
Vlado Shoes
ATO Matsumoto shoes
Vibram FiveFingers
Men jeans clothing
Women jeans clothing
Ed Hardy Hoodies
Men T-shirt Clothing
Women T-shirt Clothing
Men long sleeve t-shirt
Women long sleeve t-shirt
AAA Brand Handbags
bags & handbags & luggage
I've been in a similar situation and after I broke up with the woman I decided that I wouldn't get into a LDR so early on, by that I mean before I was with the person for about a year already and a foundation of trust and friendship had been properly formed.
With regards to being drunk, it's not an excuse. It's been scientifically proven that that little alarm in your head that screams "This is wrong, stop!" still goes off just the person's reaction to it changes. So he had no excuse and no one else does. As others have said, cheating is cheating, there's no getting around it or diminishing the subsequent blow to the other person.
Sleeping with someone else while in a relationship = WRONG. Absolutely no excuses. and what makes my stomach turns is he tried to blame you and make himself feel better. A cheat will always be a cheat!
Keep walking girl!! Don't let these kinda people bring you down! He does not deserve you at all.
Drunk or not, Cheating IS cheating, and Cheating is ALWAYS Wrong!
I maintain that drunk people do not volunteer to do things that their sober selves sincerely do not want to do. So, if somebody gets drunk and cheats, it's because they have the potential for and inclination toward that behavior.
Alcohol makes you less inhibited, it doesn't hijack your brain and force you to have sordid affairs.
I'm sorry you went through that.
Personally, I agree. There's no excuse.
I personally think the whole "drunk" excuse is total BS. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. And there have been several occasions where I go out with my girls, and we get drunk, and guys hit on me. I, however, am always fully aware of what i'm doing. Even when I get so drunk that I can barely walk, I always know. So, I think that's just a stupid excuse. Cheating is cheating. Period.
Of course drinking makes it a lot easier to cheat. That's actually true. Drinking doesn't make it okay to cheat though. There are plenty of people who understand their limits when it comes to drinking. Good luck! You're way better off without him.
You are entirely in control of your actions when you're drunk. All drinking does is lower your inhibitions so that if there's something you WANT to do but are too scared, you'll get the "courage" to do it. However, society created this ridiculous cop-out of "I was drunk" to excuse bad behavior even though everyone KNOWS it's a load of crap.
My girlfriends sister cheats on her fiance ALL the time and he's crazy enough to put up with it because "if she's drunk it doesn't count". I want to smack him upside the head.
Cheating is cheating. And I was the one in your shoes. It really sucks and hurts.
Drunk or sober it doesnt really matter he still made the decision to stick it to another chick. If he cant control himself he shouldnt have been drinking to begin with. Thats just the reasoning he uses to make himself sleep better at night when he knew he was a total prick. I hope it burns when he pees, cheating whores get what they deserve.
Oh and the whole i finally feel secure thing screw that! He shouldnt need to feel validated by other women when he is in a exclusive relationship, its really not your priority for him to feel comforable hitting on women. You have nothing to feel responsible for!!!
I want to share a story. I don't know if it is true or not, but here goes: There was a man who woke up one day with a horrible hangover. He looked over at his bedside table for the time, but also saw a note. When he read it, he saw that it was from his wife. It told him that aspirin was in the drawer of the bedside table, and a glass of water was sitting on the table for him. The note also told the man that breakfast would most likely be ready for him and that the wife would be out shopping for groceries and will be back later. The man, after taking the aspirin and water, went down the stairs to find his son sitting at the table eating breakfast. The man, a little confused with how peaceful his morning was going, decided to inquire his son. "Hey, didn't I come home completely drunk?" The son simply replied, "Yup." The man went on, "Then why is your mother being so nice?" The son shrugged. "Well, when you stumbled in, mom went and tried to pick you up and drag you to bed. But you then pushed her off and said, 'Hey lady, I'm married.'"
What I'm trying to say is that this is wrong. I feel like the original poster already knows this, but is having a hard time in realizing this dude isn't worth her time. I know it's mean of me to admit, but I really think if a guy is going to do what he wants, then let him do what he wants. Break up with him. I mean, he even admitted that he liked being with other women since they make him feel attractive. If he isn't willing to just stick with you, and you would like him to stick with you, you just aren't in the right position to be said to be in a relationship. It makes it worse that the couple just can't physically meet each other at least once for a while every few months. Being together physically also brings people together better emotionally. I really suggest a break-up, unless the couple are able to meet each other sometimes.