Tuesday, 04 October 2011
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Dealing With Death
A few years ago, I lost a friend in a horrific car accident. All people involved in the accident were pronounced dead on the spot. I remember getting the call that night, not understanding what the words, "She's dead," really meant yet.
I was friends with her boyfriend. He was out of the country when it happened.
No one had any information to contact him, so all we could do was send him an email, which he wasn't able to check until after her wake, funeral, and burial had already taken place. He took the news badly and wanted to be with her family, but ultimately stayed with his own family out of the country.Each year on her birthday, we held a memorial service in her name. He could never sit with anyone during the service--he needed to be "alone with her" in a way we wouldn't be able to understand.
I saw this guy the other day. Even though it has been years since she passed away, he's still terrified of losing someone he loves in such a tragic way. He thinks a part of him will always be scarred by what happened to his first love.
A year after her death, I had a club adviser who was about to lose her husband to cancer. He had been diagnosed over a decade ago, and his fight was a very slow downhill battle. They were an elderly couple and we had met him a few times before he passed away. In the beginning of that school year, she told us that if she ever randomly cancelled a club meeting, it meant that her husband was about to pass away and that she wanted to be with him for his last hours.
As she suspected, his death came quickly, and though it was expected she was still broken. When she came back to school, she told us about what it was like to be right by her husband's side as he opened and closed his eyes for the last time. She said that as she was holding his hand and felt him passing squeezes to her, she also felt his soul leave his body with each breath. She said it was both beautiful and tragic to be a link away from death, and that it was a blessing to be the last person he talked to before he died.
For anyone who has lost a significant other to death--my heart goes out to you.
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (7)
I cannot imagine the pain that one goes through when losing a significant other, because it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about losing my husband. I don't even want to imagine losing him. I do know how it feels to lose a family member, and that was very difficult, and I have lost two beloved pets as well.
I fear the day that I will lose more and more family members because I do not want to go through that pain any more. I understand how adverse people get when it comes to getting close to another person because they do not want to go through that pain again, but it makes us realize that every second counts, every smile, every kiss, every touch, every scraped knee and broken bone - it all counts, and I think that is what makes life beautiful.
My heart goes out to those who have lost someone close to them, even an animal, because it is a very hard thing to go through.
its been such a rough last three weeks in my life that reading this really made me think, as well as cry my eyes out. it really made me want to hug everyone that i love and start to care more about them in my life and let more of the little things go. thanks for posting this.
here's my story about losing a loved one..
the only person that i've known to pass in my life, family wise, has been my great grandfather. he was 79 and had stomach cancer. it was in 2000 and will be 12 years in april. i was 12 years old and was the only one old enough out of my siblings to go visit him in the hospital. i prepared myself the best i could. my mom forewarned me that i probably shouldn't come because he wasn't the same grandpa i knew. as soon as i walked into his cold and dreary hospital room, i started to cry. he didn't look anything like my grandfather. he looked thin and sunken. he couldn't talk. he could barely open his eyes. when i was able to compose myself, i came back in the room with flowers and a card from the store downstairs. i gave them to my grandpa and put them on the table. i sat on his bed with him for only a few short minutes. it definitely wasn't long enough. i kissed him and hugged him goodbye and that was the last time i saw him. when we got home i went straight in my room, laid on my bed and cried my eyes out. that night i sat at our dining room table and did a puzzle. my mom got a phone call and i stopped right away. i knew what it was. i immediately started to cry and my mom told me my great grandpa passed away. the funeral was the hardest three days of my life so far. i never will forget him. i will never forget the wonderful times we had together while he was alive. i only wish that any of your loved ones do not suffer in their last hours. it gives you a peace and helps you survive in the hard time you are dealing with.
Just the thought of losing someone you love is painful already. Call me childish but I really don't want to go through that in my life ever.
@missynicole2010@xanga - i lost my grandpa this June to stomach cancer as well. it was so hard for me... it was the first time i lost someone so close to me. his picture is still in my room... i missed him dearly.. and would dream of him from time to time. in my dreams he is smiling and recovering from his sickness, and then i would wake up crying because i know i will never see him again.
Lost my daddy 2 years ago this past May...I'm definitely not the same person...
I was with my first love roger for 5 years .. we had alot of ups and downs and I finally ended it this time last year because he wasnt treating me how i deserved. It was a horrible break up he was devasted and even though it hurt me to see him so upset i didnt think he could change so I wasnt willing to give him another chance, I was trying to be strong. We talked from time to time most convos never ended well an when he found out I was talking to someone new was extremely mad and we had a huge fight and didnt talk for about 2 months. Then on June 3rd I got a call from his cousin who I was still really good friends with, roger had died in a car accident. It was devasting our last convo was an argument it was the worst day of my life so far. I cant call him and jus ask how he is or reminsce on an old memory it kills me. its been about four months and I just feel numb to all emotion. He did have a daughter who I spend alot of time with but thats also so hard since she looks just like him. I miss him more and more each day. Im jus so thankful for all the pics I have of him and the memories.
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