It sounds like he has bad moods. Don't we all? Yeah, it's frustrating that he doesn't apologise. But is that one little word really significant, especially if he isn't saying it genuinely? I hate to say this, but maybe you are being too sensitive. Do you ever have bad days where you aren't as sweet to him as you'd like to be? If you love him, you have to love all of him. It sounds like most of the time he is perfect, and you have to realize no one is TRUELY perfect. His outbursts are a flaw you have to live with if you want to marry him. You can't change him, but you can change how you react to him. You know he doesn't really mean some hurtful things he says, so let it in one ear and out the other.

I thought the same thing too when I was in my last relationship. But, to break it to you plain and simple, he doesn't truly love you if he does those things to you. Nobody who claims they love you would do things to hurt you; especially if he doesn't apologize. There are times when things are said in the heat of the moment, but people then apologize later. Your best bet is to leave now. You may love him, but you have to love yourself too. And loving yourself means not letting yourself be abused by anyone. 

I was in a situation like this too. I eventually stopped caring about the hurtful things he would say and just began to laugh at him when he would say them. Then a few times, I would treat him the way he treated me. He got really hurt by it, and then I would apologize and sit him down and make him understand that its not a fun position to be in. I want to say that it helped and that we got better from it, but that's not true. It didn't help. He kept doing the same things, and I kept getting numb to it, and then one day when he was "breaking up with me" (which he later said he only told me it was over so I would 'learn to act right') - anyway, the last time he pretended to break up with me or whatever, I left. I mean hey, every day that I don't come back to him, he's learning that you can't say things that you dont mean just because you are angry. 

Perhaps he's not the only one who has more than one side of their character.  We all get emotional sometimes when we communicate, in fact emotionality is central and inseparable to real communication.  First, I'd recommend taking taking a step back and breathing.  Really think about if your emotions are clouding your perceptions of the circumstances or if they're merely heightening them.  Perhaps he has some real criticism and has difficulty properly expressing them, especially if you're in the type of relationship where you feel the need to wear an emotional-straight-jacket.  So first things first, take a step back and look in the mirror.  Try to look at what he's communicating, how you're reacting to it, and as much else you can from a place of calm; use your observer's mind, the way you think about things when you can observe in such a way that it transcends what is only going through your thoughts and emotional state.  Don't shut out or try to deny, suppress, or disregard either of your emotions, simply observe them, even your own as you go through them.

Then come back to it and talk to him about it.  Try to understand why he needed to communicate to you that way and also why it felt hurtful at the time.  Ask him to do the same and try to see it from a point of view that acknowledges but transcends pure emotion or reason regarding the subject.  If you both come to a conclusion that both of your sentiments were not just communicative of reckless, selfish people; then you can truly understand what the other said to you and more importantly what they may have been TRYING to say to you on a non-verbal level.  

Emotional communication is just as important as verbal communication, and it can be especially difficult if those involved don't understand how to express themselves to one another in the right manner.  If you are both able to look at it from outside yourself for even just a little while, you can try to look at it from the point of view of the other, or even better the all-important sense of "WE" that comes from a relationship of true understanding and connection (rather than either of your thoughts that are only "I, me, mine").

So much of what you're describing seems to depend almost entirely on the tone and context of what you are trying to communicate to one another.  Maybe words carelessly come out that were near meaningless, or perhaps mere slights of his subconscious.  Tell him he needs to communicate with you in a way that is more constructive if he has any actual criticism for you, which would be the best for both of you seeing as how it would let you know if it's not just blown off steam or something projected on you... and as for him, if he has any real criticism of you, then you could constructively try to change.

And don't forget to reconsider once again the idea that you actually may have been in a vulnerable place and had been too reactionary in your sensitivity.  Use your sensitivity to see the situations from all angles, and if you still think he is just completely in the wrong, then talk to him about it and ask him to explain himself clearly after taking a step back himself.

There are dynamic parts of our minds and bodies that we call “hormones”.  They drastically effect every action we make, every word we say, and every thought we have and there it is very difficult to detach yourself from this (which is understandable, since they are one of the most powerful guiding forces in our lives, ESPECIALLY in our relationships and *ESPECIALLY*  in our relationships with significant others or lovers.  I’d say give yourself time and approach the topic again in a week or so perhaps.  If the way he’s communicating continues to bother  you, just ignore it until you can see above what is happening between you two.  Once you are able to do that, and only once you are able to do that will you be able to communicate with him properly regarding the disturbance which you seem to have allowed to add new paint to your mental picture of him.  See the paint, see beyond it to the old paint, and then try to see beyond all of it to where he’s truly coming from, then once again use your observer’s mind, the mind that actually observes the situation detached from time, self, and those nasty although sometimes necessary thoughts that cause you to view and treat him as an “other”.  Love is about transcending yourself to truly connect with someone.  I’d say first take the initiative to do it yourself, and the result will most likely be that your lover will be not only pleased, but dramatically more receptive to how you’ve reacted, how  you feel, what you have to say, and above all YOU, with a hopeful end result of him, too now perceiving the situation from the perspective of "US" and “WE".

While I've tailored my advice to your particular situation, these ideas apply to a huge number of relationships, and I should know since I'm a licensed relationship counselor and got my PhD in psychology about sixth months ago.  I guarantee this will result in the best outcome, whatever that may be.  Don’t be -too- attached to the outcome, as always you need to remain open, but in a relationship based on love, you should be able to view things from outside of what is just yourself.  If anything, that is what love is, the ability to connect with someone so well that you both begin to actually act entirely on one another’s self-interest, disregarding both selfishness AND selflessness.  For this situation, and many others, it is simply about getting back to that love that transcends.

Remember not to just totally write off what he’s communicating, although it may seem careless.  He is actually expressing something and you have to be receptive to that as you take the step back I advise you to take.

you can do better.

If you are questioning it, you are probably doubting your relationship and not certain you want to stay.  My husband and I have our bad days, too, but he doesn't call me names, makes me feel worthless, destroy my self-esteem, or threaten to leave me.  He didn't even do that when we were dating.  If he is wrong and he knows it, he should acknowledge it and apologize to you.  If he never does, how is he going to better himself for him and your relationship?  If he always thinks he's right, he's not willing to communicate with you and fix these issues at hand.  It will just escalate as the years go by and probably get worst down the line.  If he truly loves you, he would not treat you this way.  There are better and healthier ways to deal with relationship issues no matter what they are.. IMO, I would try to talk to him again about it and see if he's willing to talk about it and improve himself for the sake of the relationship.  If not, it's best if you leave and save yourself from more heartaches in the future.  Also, keep in mind that your own brother and friends also question why you are with him.  They have a reason why they don't want you to be with him, but sometimes, being in a relationship, we're too blind to see what others see.

@Lalaleah_Love@xanga - This is an outstanding comment and incredible advice.  Like... woah.  Everyone read this because there's I think there's something valuable for just about everyone in there.  I applaud your effort, since even the best Datingish advice and comments come from a standpoint of doing only what they think is the best for whoever is asking a question, but that's exactly what is most important in a relationship, the ability to see things from the transcendental stance of love.  Even if it seems to us that he seems like some petty childish loser, but he very possibly has a reason to be saying these things... Awww did his off handed little snarky comments bother you?  Yes, it does sound like he wants to leave you!  If you can't view things as a true team then fuck it, what's the point.  When you're in a relationship, you're IN IT TOGETHER.

Leave. As soon as possible.

I say it that blatantly because I have been where you are. My first boyfriend was emotionally abusive. He ruined by self confidence, and years later I still struggle to rebuild it.I thought because he loved me (and was a year older) that he knew better than I did. When he made me question my faith and taunted me for believing in God, I let it get to me rather than stand my ground (he's an atheist and I was Catholic at the time). When he made fun of my political views I didnt blink an eye (he's a Communist, Im a liberal). When he told me that he wanted to marry me one day, I was naturally excited. Until he told me he wanted us to live together while we were in college (something I wasnt sure I wanted) and he wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I have always had big dreams of a career, but I let stuff like that slide, thinking we would deal with that when the time came. Then he started getting jealous and controlling.

I had a lot of friends, while he had one or two (not including the ones I introduced him to). Ive always had a lot of guy friends, but he didnt like that. He would tell me that they were all in love with me and trying to steal me away from him (he had no self confidence), and refused to listen to me when I told him he was wrong. He even thought my guy friends with girlfriends were after me! Because he had worn down my self confidence I started listening to him, ditching my friends to be with him. I was slowly giving away parts of myself for this jerk.

One day my closest guy friend said something to me I will never forget: "he wants you to change all these things about yourself: your career, your religious and political views, who you hang out with. Sounds to me like he doesnt love you at all. If he did he would know that all of those things are part of what makes you so amazing. He would love you for you. If you dont stop this now he wont stop. I dont want to be visiting you in a hospital after he beats you up, because then Im gonna end up in jail for murdering his ass."

To make a long story short, I dumped his ass a few weeks later, and a few weeks after that I ended up with that close guy friend, who really loved me because of all those things that loser wanted to change. If your boyfriend loved you he would never want to upset you, and even if he thought it was over something stupid he would want to try and fix it. Everyone can be overly sensitive sometimes, but if he bugs you about the same thing over and over he should stop pushing that button! Trust me, NO GUY IS WORTH YOUR SELF ESTEEM. Hang in there <3

I was once in one of those relationships, it was so hard to leave him, but I finally stopped talking to him

Listen to your instincts. <3

you deserve better

I was in a relationship with a man who was also a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde combo. When he was good, he really was good. Tender kisses, proclamations of love, and tons upon tons of affection. However, when he lost his temper, it was a complete transformation. He had no qualms about yelling insults and other degrading names at me. It was like anything goes, just because he was angry. When I brought up my concerns, he also called me "sensitive" and minimized my complaints. I ended up leaving him after 11 months, because I finally realized that if your man truly loves you, he would try to change (or at least limit) his angry behavior. If your boyfriend refuses to acknowledge that what he is doing is really hurting you, then it's a red flag.

Take it from someone who's currently going through the same thing: LEAVE.

Leave now, he's not gonna change. If anything, it'll get worse. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about this same issue, and, like you said, he thinks he's not doing anything wrong. He's sat there, and watched me ball hysterically, and Still didn't give a shit enough to change his ways, or admit he was doing something wrong. So, for your own sake (mental/emotional sanity that is, save yourself some depression too), you need to just leave him. I understand you may love him, but trust me, you'll feel SO much better once you do. You deserve WAY better than that. No one that "loves" someone, should ever stoop to the degrading someone level. As much as they may think it's not wrong, it definitely is. In fact, some say that emotional/mental/verbal abuse is the worst. I personally believe that one, just read my entries on how terrible my bf has made me feel. You don't want all that nonsense..... or, to have your situation become more complicated like mine, and have a child involved.

I hope you make the right decision, and I wish you luck! If you want anymore help or advice from me, feel free to message me anytime. I know I don't know you, but I'm always here to help. <3