Monday, 03 October 2011
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Am I an Old Maid?
I look young, I feel young and I AM young. I am 22 years old and I am constantly bombarded with questions of when I am getting married and do I have a boyfriend.
I don't want to get married until I am AT LEAST 27, but I wouldn't mind waiting longer than that. Marriage is something that I most definitely want right now, but I don't think I am ready for marriage yet and most likely, the guys in my age range probably aren't ready for marriage either. I am fortunate enough to have parents that are still married and that is something I want so badly for my future children. I want my children to be a product of love and I want to set a good example for them.
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rates in America, the divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%; the divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%; the divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%.
From what I hear, divorce has pros and cons and I am pretty sure the bad things outweigh the good things. Why would I want to jump in to something that could possibly produce a divorce? I am not anti-divorce or anti-marriage, I am really just not a big fan of precocious marriage.With divorce rate being so high, why are people shoving the idea of marriage and boyfriends down my throat?
I also look back to old journal entries from just a few years ago and I almost don't even recognize myself. I mature so much each year and obviously I will mature more every year but I am still developing in to the woman I want to be.
I think adults should be congratulating me for working, going to school, and keeping my focus on bettering myself. My future husband is hopefully doing the same thing, and hopefully our paths will cross at the right time. I think this topic is a little bit gender biased because I never hear men getting questioned about marriage until they are in their late thirties.
Any of you girls have people unnecessarily enthralled in your love life and waiting for marriage invitations? At what age does a woman become an old maid?
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- From: kALIAS1334@xanga
- Name: kALIAS1334
- Location: Dallas, Texas, United States
- About Me: Student and a waitress. Putting my thoughts out there in the online world, mostly as a stress reliever, but comments and opinions are always appreciated. :)
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Comments (39)
i understand. i've been to more weddings than i can count in the last two years, and i just think it's ridiculous. a number of them are good matches, but i can also tell that some of the marriages happened for two reasons:
1) they're virgins who just couldn't wait any longer2) they have nothing better to do because of the economy. if you can't feel special because of an awesome job, why not get married instead?
all in all, i'm pretty indifferent to marriage. i'd only do it for the necessary legal recognition, and an excuse to get wasted in Las Vegas with all my friends at my dad's expense.
I'm 24 and my parents families are always asking why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not being "courted" by someone. They're somewhat old fashioned and feel like if I'm not married or engaged by 25, it's too late for me and my eggs are going to shrivel up and I'll never be able to have kids. -_-'
I'm happy that I'm about to finish school, I'm not in debt, I have a job I love, and own my car. I'm sure my relatives will be thrilled when I tell them I don't want to get married or have children. I might live with my future SO, but I really don't want to get married or have children.
My parents have just pinned all their hopes for grandchildren on my brother
.
I USED to be the girl that was practically dying to be engaged, married, and the works until I realized the guy I was trying to somewhat force to propose was oh so wrong for me in every way. Back then, I thought getting engaged was just something to do only because everyone around me was getting engaged and having children.
As of now, I'm glad I left that whole phase behind me simply because if I want to get married I want it to be with someone I know will be good for me and whatever possible future children I have. Marriage is a huge step for any relationship. You work up to marriage by building blocks of trust and stability. You don't just fall into it because you think it is cool and something to do.
My parents are the opposite. They keep telling me to break up with my boyfriend and play the field, as they put it. They always offer me incentives to break up with him like money, paying for half of a new car, etc. It's kind of amusing. People in my family get married older it seems like so that's probably why I don't feel rushed. I would say that an "old maid" would be in the forties, but even then some forty year olds have kids and are really awesome at it. I just wouldn't personally want kids when I'm 40 and be like 60 when they're 20.
Hey, you're a modern woman. You do what you want when you feel ready, and everyone else can just suck a lemon in their precocious marriages. Better to be an old maid than a bitter divorcee, if you ask me.
Guess I'm the only girl who still dreams of getting married and starting a family.
There's so much pressure on girls to get married, but I don't really see half as much pressure being put on guys. (Any guy that would like to contradict me, feel free -- I just see a lot more discussion/advertising/media messages in general shoving women toward marriage.)
Get married when you're ready. One of the worst reasons for getting married is because you think other people want you to, and that couldn't lead to a successful marriage. And it sounds like the only reason you think something might be wrong is because of what other people say about it.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it happens, great! If not, there's nothing wrong with being single :)
I definitely want to get married and have children, but not for quite some time. It's the modern world and you don't have to be married by 25 anymore. You don't have to get married at all, if you don't want.
It's strange, but I have had the complete opposite experience. I'm also 22, and I have been with my boyfriend for four years but we don't have any plans to get married at the moment. Unlike you, I usually have people tell me that I'm really smart for waiting to make engagement/marriage plans since I am still so young and I often get the "enjoy your life while you're young" lecture from older people in my life.
I just find it odd, because I hear a lot of girls my age complain about feeling tons of pressure to get married, while I almost never encounter that. I actually feel pressure to NOT get married at this point in my life, which is a-okay with me.
The "Old Maid" concept no longer exists. It's 2011, women can do whatever the hell they want to now. Good luck!
my sister thinks i should have kids and a husband already and i am 25. she thinks because i dont now, i never will... which is insulting. i tell her that not everyone starts procreating at 16 like some people (which i am referring to her and my bro for being teen parents unexpectantly). my mom wonders why i dont have a boyfriend right now in which i repply that i dont want one because i am stressed enough! lol. we all have our own personal timeline and nothing anyone says will make me rush into anything i am not ready for. as you have already done which is great. =) i like that you have considered this all and are working towards the timeline you have set for yourself. =) as for the old maid age... ehhh it changes with cultures. ours nowadays is different. people are waiting longer for kids and marriage then we used to. if you asked me if you and i were old maids at our age over 150 years ago, i would say hell yes. lol. but culture has changed. =D
lol, you're 22 years old and asking if you're an old maid? i'm 27 years old and i have never thought of myself as an old maid. 30 is the new 20...right now all i'm thinking about is my career and how it's going to be like for the next 10 years or so. it's not like i dont think about marriage, i do but i don't want to be always behind someone's shadow all the time.
I don't think any unmarried woman should ever be considered an old maid. Women have different priorities nowadays, it's not important for every woman to be married and be a mother. (And they shouldn't have to if they do not want to.) I think people pressure young women because they are nosy and want an excuse to celebrate (future weddings and babies and such). It never ends. Before I was with someone people asked if I had a boyfriend, when I got one, they asked when I was getting married. As soon as we got engaged people started asking when we're going to have babies. We don't have any yet but my friends with children, people are always asking them when they're going to have more. People need to get their noses out of other people's business and focus on their own relationships and life.
I'm 24 and I get this shit all the time! Just 'cuz I'm a woman in the South doesn't mean I want to be married with three kids by the time I'm 20; some people have other goals.
@Asinine_Dreams@xanga - LOL, I hope that wasn't in response to the actual post.
I have a friend who has the same problem...I always feel really bad because I know it must suck to have people simplify you down to a baby factory when you're at a top university in the US, have awesome friends, and basically have other concerns at the moment that are focused around getting to know and bettering yourself. I visited relatives in my home country this summer (people I haven't seen in 10 years :/) and I definitely got asked the 'do you have a boyfriend? are you getting married?' questions a lot. But I must note that when I said 'no, and I think that'll work itself out in time,' I mostly got 'yes, you're right, you're a smart girl, just keep studying.' (I just started year 2 of grad school, and I'm also 22). So...is there any way you can redirect the conversation to your accomplishments or dreams without rejecting the idea of marriage/family, but while also showing you aren't concerned about it at the moment?
The one thing I disagree with is that you seem to be setting an age not just for getting married, but for falling in love (for life). I see love as one of those things that just happens; I don't think you can predict when it will. Keep your eyes open, and perhaps the right person will come along sooner than you expect. Why make that a problem when it doesn't have to be?
God, do I feel you on this. I'm a teacher and literally heard "not even engaged?" when another teacher found out I was 22. After that, the guy who said it introduced me to his 24 year-old student teacher. It was awkward to say the least.
I'm so glad I don't have family or friends like this. My mom occasionally asks if I've met anyone, but she's not rushing me or anything--it's probably just because I live on the other side of the world from her and/or she just wants to hear anything juicy that might be going on, lol. Also, my brother is now married, so if my parents want grandchildren they'll be getting them from him and his wife :)
I'm 22, and from time to time I do feel a bit lonely, as I've never had a long-term boyfriend (my longest "relationship" was 2 months back in high school). But it's my older friends in their mid and late 20s that are telling me that I have plenty of time. I know that much; I'm in NO hurry to get married and I don't even really want kids; I'd just like to have a companion that I can talk to and hang out with. But then I start playing video games or go shopping and I'm reminded that I should enjoy single life for as long as I can.
@hoodsy@xanga - It was a subtle joke in response to all the comments in the post seeing as how a lot of them seemed to have some vendetta against marriage.
You are only 22, you are not even close to being an old maid. Not that I think any woman is an old maid if she isn't married. A woman should feel free to go to school, work, do whatever they like without the pressure of getting married or having children. Personally I was married a month before my 22nd Birthday. However my husband I met our freshman year of college, at the age of 18. For us we knew we wanted to get married young. Yes we did chose to wait for marriage to have sex, but I don't think that was a factor as to when we got married. It was the right time for us, but it most certainly is not the right time for everyone. In our 3 years of marriage we have been through many highs and lows. I say enjoy being young and single, get married in the future if you want to, but in the meanwhile focus on yourself.
At 22 you are not an old maid unless it is 1914.
"Old maid" is an outdated concept.
good for you for waiting :) marriage isnt something that you should enter into without being 100% positive of who you are, where you stand, who your SO is and where they stand. if more people thought like you in the world there would be so much less heartache when things didn't work out. love is not enough to keep a marriage together, it takes a lot of inner strength and trust in your partner and unless you're totally secure in yourself, you'll never be totally secure with someone else.
I feel like thinking about marriage and children is pointless until you found the guy. Things like that can't be planned on your own. You meet someone, you fall in love, you build a dream together.
i'm 20 right now, and I think I'd like to be married in 2 years, 2 years at the most (although i havent started the search yet so we'll see about that). I feel like that's a decent age to get married and enjoy the marriage before having kids. I don't want to have kids too late to avoid pregnancy issues with older age. and besides that, i'd like to run around with my kids while i can xD
but i think everyone meets their SO at different times in their life and we all get mentally mature for marriage at different ages as well, so one case shouldnt be compared to another 100% on equal terms. For instance, i knew i was mature enough to handle a marriage and in-laws when i was 16. but i have a cousin who isn't ready maturity wise and otherwise for a marriage at 24. it's not negative or positive, we all just get to the same point at different times (for the most part).
Looking at it from that perspective, it's hard to say who I would consider an 'old maid'.
you're fine. I think if you're 30 and unmarried and not dating that's kind of pushing it, because sometimes it takes time to have a kid and once a woman reaches 35 years of age all sorts of complications with pregnancy have a higher risk of occuring!