Sunday, 02 October 2011
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Sharing a Bed With an Ex
Two of my closest friends at school live in the apartment across the hall from mine. Two of their roommates, Kelly and Sam, have one of the weirdest relationships I've seen up close yet. I don't know them well so the majority of this post is simply based on a third-person view as well as comments made by Kelly and Sam's roommates. Before I knew K and S, they dated each other for some undisclosed amount of time-- K was far more in love with S than S was with K. So, they eventually broke it off.As this year began, K was living in one of the bedrooms alone. A couple of weeks into the semester, S moved into K's room without consulting with the other roommates. Personally, I see many things wrong with this:
1. K and S are still not dating. They are also not just friends. K still has feelings for S, but it seems to us that S couldn't care less. S is a cool person, but is definitely exploiting K for all she's got.
2. They are not only sharing a room, but they are sharing a bed. How many of you share a bed with your ex?
3. K hasn't hooked up with anyone so far as we know this semester and is definitely not hooking up with S. Meanwhile, while K was out a couple of days ago, S brought someone home to their room. Oh wait, excuse me: their bed. Now let me ask the question again: how many of you share a bed with your ex and hook up with other people in it?
Personally, I find this entire situation to be extremely toxic. K and S are exes and, while that sometimes works, it doesn't seem plausible to me that they truly believe they're just friends. It is obvious to everyone that K still wants S and that S has moved on. This is a recipe for destruction, but the only one who can't see it is the one who needs to see it the most.
Have you ever been in a situation like theirs? Would you ever move in with an ex who still had feelings for you? Would you ever move in with an ex for whom you still had feelings?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (29)
Exes make the best bootycalls.
Oh, K, you should know better.
Someone needs to clue K in, asap, and those two not-lovebirds need to have a little chat. If they've decided they're using each other for body warmth, bless them both. But I have the feeling K has more in mind.While I was a young divorcee with little children, I once dated a divorced guy I met in PWPs whose children were the same age as mine. Our kids were best friends. All went well until I found out he was still living with his ex and sharing the same bed for "The kid's sake" and also because they couldn't afford separate places. He'd made several attempts to move in with me but I was leery, he was pushy on the domestic front, and I wouldn't allow it. When I freaked about his still living with his ex, he invited me to meet her and she assurerd me they were divorced and both dating again. I'd have been okay with their having an open marriage too. I didn't feel it was my buisiness to judge them. But seeing them together, they were clearly a couple whether they admitted it or not. Either way, I didn't want to keep him in the long run. I didn't want another domineering male in my life. Been there, done that. His ex and I made friends and I found I liked her better of the two of them, so I broke up with him. I hope they finally admitted to each other that their marriage wasn't really over. I lost touch though so I don't know. The thing is, you're an outsider to the relationship between K and S and in no position to judge it's nature or morality. That's between them to work out. Maybe they still have unfinished business even it not in the normal couple way.
sounds like they still have something... - i would label it a "rocky situation"
i think the girl will eventually wise up and kick him out. i hope.
Sounds like someone is getting taken advantage of. Then again, the one being used sounds very naive. You live and you learn. K will learn.
never been in a situation like this and i definitely wouldnt move in with someone i loveed that didnt love me back! =/ i been in the situation where im messing with the ex and he didnt feel emotions for me and that is heartbreaking enough. all i wonder is why s moved into her room when he has his own.... like wtf is the purpose? @_@ i can understand why she would let him but why he? curious thing indeed.
obviously they're more than just exes if they're still sharing a bed. that's sad that one would let the other person do that to hurt them even more.
can you..not afford a mattress?
@Anonymous - Agreed. This is the primary reason why you should never burn bridges with an ex who's good in bed.
What a weird situation to be in.. no, I wouldn't move in with an ex who I have little or no feelings for and/or vice versa. I think that's just a recipe for disaster. I really think this "living situation" is f up especially S bringing another woman in their "bed." Gross!
I still live with my ex. We broke up a year ago. I don't have enough money to rent out a place of my own. He still loves me and doesn't want me to leave, and I find it difficult to. We grew up together for 3 years. So it's hard...
This is weird. Really, really weird.
Until you said S was hooking up with others in the same bed, I didn't find anything in your post THAT crazy. I'm assuming, however, we're talking about mature adults... but I doubt that is the case. K needs to back her bags and get the heck away from S asap before this gets any messier.
First off this situation sound just downright gross. You are sharing a bed with your ex who is having sex with other people in said bed. I don't care how often you clean the sheets, that shit is just wrong. Secondly, I'm going to need K to get some self-esteem and kick S the hell out. I don't know what kind of roomates K has but I would've said some shit by now. It wouldn't even be about the whole sharing a bed situation. You just don't let someone move in without consulting the rest of us. We live here too. If shit hits the fan between you two, guess who can get caught up in the cross fire.
hmmm, my bro-in-law broke up with his gf while overseas cos she cheated, then when he came back he had no place to live, so they continued living together and being a 'couple' til he started a relationship with someone else. From my perspective the latter part of their relationship was a sham and seemed to work only so he had a place to live. But maybe they were in love, who knows.... :P
I'm kind of in this situation now. My ex and I aren't sharing a bed, or even a room, but we're still living in the same house. I still have feelings for him, but he's moved on. We're trying to be friends, but I feel like he only is a "friend" when he needs something from me, like a ride somewhere or help with a project. Little things like that. As much as I care about him, even if it is just friends, I'm getting sick of how things have been going. I don't know what to do and I'm sure K is just as confused as I am.
i lived with my ex for two years. i finally left because too much stress was coming on to me that i couldn't handle it anymore. it was painful, but it had to be done
This entire situation is just... NOT smart. How does either of them, particularly Kelly, expect to get closure if Sam is CONSTANTLY still around? And although you say Sam is a cool guy, he sure is acting like a douche for taking advantage of Kelly. Cool guys don't exploit vulnerable girls, regardless of how much fun they may be outside of their doucheness. Doucheness overrules coolness. Just sayin'.
Nevertheless, it is their decision to do what they want. I wouldn't put up with it though.
I have lived with exes, but they no longer had feelings for me and I no longer had feelings for them. I believe I lived with 3 exes in total. I had sexual relations with some of their friends, no one cared. They had the same thing with some of my friends. No biggie. It was all chill because we were all adults and had no hard feelings about anything.
However, in your case, one still has feelings for that other. That's going to be a disaster. Does K know that S is bringing home other people? This will end bad, I suspect.
i've never been in this type of situation & i never will be! S is completely taking advantage of K like you said, & is clearly not mature enough at all to say "we're ex's & our living situation isn't right." S is a sick individual for also bringing back someone else to the apartment, i mean yes, it is his place, but your sharing a bed with your ex, wtf? lol hope everything works out.
That's certainly bizarre. I don't really know what to make of it. I would never get myself into that situation.
MYOB..best to mind your own business. You are like the little old lady in the neighborhood watching everyone to see what they are doing. Get a life...plz. :)
Christy
Why is it any of your business? If they're happy with it, then that's all that matters.
I'm thinking K should move on and kick S the fuck out.
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