In movies, it is often the case that people randomly spot someone cute, ask them out, and viola! They're dating and they barely know each other. Almost no one I know has had this happen. Like me, most people I know met someone, became friends, and after their friendship blossomed, realized that this was someone they had feelings for and wanted to date.
I've had three boyfriends, and was friends with all of them before we started dating, and it was immediately an exclusive relationship each time. I have no real life experience of casual, pre-exclusive dating. Is this unusual or this this normal?
Have most of your relationships blossomed from existing friendships or have they been the result of casual dating?
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Comments (37)
My relationships that lasted a while were ones where we met about a week or two before (they lasted from 11 months to over 3 years). The relationships that spawned from friendships only lasted 2 months at most.
Two after we were freinds and the last one was out of nowhere, I was in a pub with a couple of friends and a cute guy aproaches and asked me for my number and I gave it to him, yeah I know, slut, and after that we were together for 2 years or so.
well my relationship where i only knew the guy for a month and we started dating only lasted around 3 months. my boyfriend now i have known for 9 years, we were best friends for 5-6ish of them, and now we've been dating almost 3 and a half years. my roommate's first relationship she had just met the guy, they started dating and it lasted a year and a half (but it was terrible, even to watch), now she's married to a guy she was friends with at least a year beforehand. he's cool beans. i'm pro-friendship.
It rarely ever happens, as guys who become "friends" often become nothing more than doormats. In most cases, if she's not interested in a relationship, I'd say nice knowing you and move on.
I've noticed that most of my relationships started after only knowing the guy about a month or less. There were two that were friends beforehand but they didn't work out either. All of my previous relationships never made it past four months. My current boyfriend, I knew for about two weeks prior to dating, are at almost a year and a half now and still going strong.
So in my experiene time-length really doesn't matter. There's no way of knowing if a relationship will work unitl you actually get in it. I would think you could even have a close friend for years that you suddenly fall for, but the relationship might not work because you both have different needs that you couldn't possibly have known about until you got into a relationship with that person.
I've always just gone with the flow with dating, and although a bit bumpy, I'm glad on how it's played itself out.
I've never seen people become friends before dating...to me that's just a waste of time because both people know why they are becoming friends lol. So all they are doing is waiting for the real relationship to start. If you like someone, just go and date the person.
My first four relationships were with people I'd been friends with for quite a while, and I always assumed that was by far the best way to go about getting into a relationship. My boyfriend now was someone I met through a dating site though, and while we didn't make it "official" for about a month after we first started talking, it was always implied that we were hoping to be more than friends. It was definitely a new feeling to meet someone with the intention of dating, rather than starting with friendship and seeing where it goes, but I couldn't be happier! I really don't think there's a right or wrong way to start a relationship, just do whatever seems right to you.
I guess I have never really thought about this. Interesting question... No I have never dated a friend. I have never had a romantic inkling towards any of my friends or anyone I started a friendship with. the person I am with now I met at work, an old job, and I just knew he was someoneI could just love. We tried to be friends, but knew we wanted more so we just kind of started dating an dfrom there it was an exclusive relationship. I think we went out twice before we decided it was what we wanted.
Both my exes and I didn't have much of a friendship before. First ex took 2 weeks to date, recent ex took about 1.5 months. I don't know if I can consider that a friendship 'cause that's too short and we liked each other all through it. I do want to be friends with my future bf before dating him 'cause I feel like if you never have a friendship with them, there are sides to them you'll never see 'til the end.
@LoveeLikeASunset@xanga - Well I think it's a little bit more complicated than that. My first ex, we started dating as soon as he found out I liked him. I had feelings for a VERY long time (2 years) for my 2nd ex before he finally came around and decided he had feelings for me too. And the reason I didn't start dating my current bf right away when we met was because I met him and his roommate at the same time...and I developed feelings for his roommate first. So it's not like I could have really leaped up on any of these guys and just started dating before we became friends.
my hubby and I met on a Wednesday in the middle of May, started dating the following weekend, the following November we got engaged, and the August after we got married. We dated really long distance (Calgary Canada to Florida) pretty much the whole time. It worked for us, we just celebrated our 7 year anniversary!
my fiance and i met through a mutual friend who gathered many of his friends at a wine bar. he was notorious for not hanging out with the mutual friend and I almost didn't go that night. I saw him and I just... anyway, we went out; i asked him out on our first two dates (i never do that but i didn't want to wait) and went exclusive pretty much after a month or so of dating.
I don't believe in being friends with my potential relationships before I date them seriously. I can only see my friends as friends. I don't seem to feel beyond platonic feelings for my friends; even if they develop some for me, it's unfortunate but I'd rather keep my friends than try to see if it'll get anywhere.
I tried dating this guy once, he dated a friend of mine briefly and we were somewhat of a couple of "close acquaintances" that could have been friends if we didn't go out. it lasted total of 5 weeks. it's one of those shorter relationships in my mid 20s relationships. O_o if the system ain't broke, don't fix it.
@LoveeLikeASunset@xanga - well to be fair we were both just kind of shy and geeky and either didn't realize we liked each other or were too scared for it and lied to ourselves for a while. i mean we met when i was 16, so i don't even think it would have worked if we dated right away, i went to college in a different state and we started dating as soon as i graduated, after spending most of the whole time chatting online every night.
My boyfriend and I were acquaintances for a while before we really started to get to know each other. And we really only talked for a couple months before we started going out. But this was like in depth talking for hours staying up until 4 in the morning talking to each other. And with every conversation I just knew we were going to be together someday. cheesy but true.
I've had two serious relationships with guys I considered close friends end disastrously. I also tried dating one of my close friends before that but it fell apart because we realized it would be really strange to transition from just buddies to a couple. So being friends before a relationship has never seemed to work in my favor. But now I've found the love of my life, and we started out as strangers with a mutual friend!
I guess it's just about whatever works for you. To me, it just seems more fun to get to know someone new, someone who doesn't already know about your life and who you are.
I have experience with both sides of that spectrum, and it ultimately winds up being what makes you comfortable. For instance, all of my serious relationships have been good buddies of mine with whom I developed a mutual attraction, but I have also dated guys I barely knew in order to get to know them better.
My experience has been that most guys that I have met are only interested in dating/pursuing a relationship with me simply based on lust; therefore, I keep a certain distance with the guys I date until I feel that it has somewhat of a future. I'm not talking marriage, but I just don't date guys who don't have potential for a serious relationship--none of that friendswithbenefits type of thing for me.
But like I said, there's really no right or wrong necessarily when it comes to dating--it's all about what you're comfortable with and what you're seeking specifically.
first bf: we were friends and developed feelings and lasted for over 3 years. 2nd bf we knew each other for a few weeks before jumping into the relationship.
enver really thought of this question: my best friend is pro-friendship but ever since the break up i thought the norm was date around until you get serious. but maybe that's just mass media?
Hm I think it's normal to date friends when you're in school.
It's easier to meet people.
However when you're out of school, it's harder to meet decent people,
Other than the clubs or bars.
I ran into an old acquaintance, we had band together, he was a year older than me.
I always thought he was one of the hottest guys in band.
Well, he asked me out and we hung out.
Hung out another day, and started officially dating.
It only lasted about 5 months, so I don't really count that relationship...
(That situation isn't really what you were asking for, since we already knew of each other)
Here's another scenario of mine.
My older sister had a friend that I remember being really attractive when she was in high school.
All I knew was his name, and face.
I always told her to hook me up with him because I thought he was hot.
She'd obviously refused because he's older than me, and she thought it was gross.
Well, I would be half joking, but half serious.
Then one day I find out that my best friend is rooming with his younger brother.
And then later on, I end up running into the guy, out of no where.
(Of course there's some other things in between)
Well, we hit it off the moment we met.
It was truly a scene from a movie. Love at first sight.
I was head over heels the night we met.
It was insane because though we hardly knew anything about each other,
We wanted to see each other right away when we left.
And when we did, we had a freakin' amazing time.
And had an amazing first kiss.
Well after that, went on a first date.
And it was great. Really amazing.
We officially started dating after that.
We talked for hours upon hours and everything and anything,
And literally it felt like we knew each other for years.
Honestly, I don't like dating within friends.
I have a lot of guy friends, and it's disheartening when I find out they have feelings for me,
(Back then I had a lot of admirers)
Because it just felt like they only wanted to get with me and not want my friendship.
Other than that, I did date a friend, and that ruined the friendship, and now we're not friends.
SO I stay away from, "dating my friend" scene.
However, I do think it'd be lovely/romantic in the future to marry my best friend.
That's a different story though. d=
My last real relationship lasted for 2 years. We met 1st year of college, lived across each other on off campus housing, actually had a random ass class together... we were friends first for the entire year, hung out, studied, partied.a.lot., and he fell for me before i did. He was my best friend, and I loved him deeply-- and now, well it didn't work out and ended very badly. I miss him being in my life as a friend. So again... staying away from dating friends.
For me, i don't see how people can stay friends after dating each other...
So weird.
I've been on both sides of this. I met an ex and we became exclusive within weeks, the relationship lasted just over 3 years. I've dated friends and all except for my current lasted less than 3 months or so. My current, we were friends for about 3 years before dating. We've been together for about six months so far. :D Going strong! I think it can work either way.
It is RARE for me to see a relationship happen after a guy and girl are friends for a long time. Usually the guy gets put in the friend-zone and can't really do anything about it until the girl sees him beyond that level. Personally this has never happened to me-and I have tried going from friends to bf/gf once a long time ago.
IME, none, absolutely NONE of the women that I know have ever done the "friends become lovers" thing with me. I think that's the stuff of movies and novels.
my first and only relationship, we were friends first. then it turned into something more. and we're glad! i always said i wanted to marry my best friend, and now i am going to :)
Never had a relationship spawn from a friendship. I usually get set up or I use online dating. so yeah.