Monday, 26 September 2011
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My First Heartbreak
I just started my freshman year of college, and so far I hate it. I miss my family and friends. I can't seem to find a group of friends who really accept me, or whose conversation I can appreciate. I just feel very alone, so that's why I couldn't wait to visit my boyfriend and go home this past weekend. I thought I would feel so much better seeing familiar faces. Except yesterday my boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me when I went to visit him at college.
He was my first everything. He showed me what true love was, what sex was, what real happiness was, and what it felt like to be wanted even at your worse.
He broke my heart, and I've only just begun to realize how hard it is to move on from your first, huge heartbreak. Not even a whole day later, I broke down today and called him begging for him to take me back. I said I would do anything; I would change anything just so he could be with me. But the biggest slap in the face was still being rejected after pouring my heart out to him. Usually if one of us was upset about something, we'd fix it. We'd work it out. Not this time. I think this might be the biggest wake up call I've gotten in a long time. It opened my eyes to the fact that nothing was changing no matter what I said or did.
And at the same time I realized, why would I fight for someone who wasn't gonna fight for me? I need love in my life, not rejection. But besides the heartbreak, I feel empowered. Maybe this is my life turning around, maybe I'm finally gonna find my place at college. Maybe this breakup is what I need to find happiness at college. I know I'm still going to be a mess over the break-up, but I'm also trying to see this as the change I need to be happy in my new life.
So I ask, any advice for someone going through their first real break-up? What was your first real break-up like? How did you adjust to college? Am I right to think that maybe this is the change I need in my life?
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- From: nikkie_jay@xanga
- About Me: "sometimes people write what they can't find words to say"
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Comments (38)
Your situation reminds me of this quote "time heals all wounds." My g/f of 3 years broke up with me shortly after I woke up from a coma...
My first break up was in college and it was awful. You will probably never forget the first time someone breaks your heart. However, I do think that cutting those close ties you kept with the past will help you to open up to a better experience in college. College can be a lot of fun, and the friends you will make now will probably stay with you too. So, my advice: let go of that boy who isn't right for you anymore, concentrate on doing the thing you are in college to do (study hard and learn), and be open to making new friends.
"Some of the best things in life come in the worst possible ways."
My first girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks before she started college. What made that break up worse (besides being my first serious relationship) was that she was planning on to staying together and we spent so much time together during that summer.
It's difficult but not impossible. You just need to focus on yourself and what you need to do: schoolwork, clubs, meet new people, just going out to distract yourself.
May I make the suggestion of not being the cliche and sleeping around after this break up? I'm not saying your going to, just a friendly suggestion.
Anyways if you really are looking to make a significant and positive change in your life I would recommend reading "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale (recommended by my ethics professor, was a little too religious for my taste but it got results), "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers, and finally "Change Your Life with NLP" by Lindsey Agness (currently reading this one and it's extremely useful/helpful).
If you take any of this advice, Watch this please! -
http://www.ted.com/talks/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html
Okay now to actually answer the questions...
1. During my first breakup I was actually happy. I was 14 and the level of drama and immaturity that had built up to that point was ridiculous and I was so relieved for it to be over.
2. As for adjusting to college, it's a process. My best advice would be to put yourself out there, join every club that interests you! Go to social events! Get to know people! College is one of the few times in your life where you get to hit the "reset" button and become whoever you like. Most importantly I would suggest being single for the next four to six months. Why? So you can learn to be independent and happy on your own, because no person or thing can give you happiness.
3. College is a time for significant change for most people. Just physically speaking the body goes through it's last significant changes for adulthood and the brain reaches full maturity at around 21. Other than that people are trying to figure out what the hell to do with their lives and who they want to be now and in the future.
If you want specific advice for your college go talk to your professors, your RA's/RD's, the orientation leaders, the school therapist/counselor? (recommended), anyone who will have some insight.
Hope this helps!
Nothing hurts more than your first heartbreak..
quod me nutruit, me destruit :(I wish you all the best, darlingNever give up on love. That said, live your life to the fullest.
Let's say... you're going to have more time to yourself and concentration to focus on your college life. I know it is going to be hard to get over this break-up but you seem to be a strong person. Stay stronger and I'm sure you'll find a better guy in the future.
All the best.
sounds like you need a sorority.
@starrylovah - well said. i totally agree!
it's always hard to for a breakup, especially when it's your first. but one day you'll look back and realize that it wasn't so bad after all. love is something that hurts us but somehow even through all the pain, we find the courage to get back up after it knocks us down and keep moving forward. best of luck!
My approach is probably a little... weird. But. I'll share.
Let's say someone and I break up. Even if I'm sad, I fake perfectly okay. I don't even acknowledge my own sadness in my head, and opt to bend it into at least contentment. I keep this up for as long as it takes. Then, however long later it takes to actually feel okay, everything IS okay because I have no memories of taking my pain out on my former SO or any memories of venting or raging or sobbing over this man/woman.
Basically, I acknowledge that eventually I know for-sure that I'll be okay--so why I don't Be Okay right away, instead of waiting? Acting long enough makes it real.
I was turning 17. I never had any friends that were girls, very few anyways. I got my first gf on my 17th birthday party. I was ecstatic and thought I could never be more happier in my life. We dated for almost 4 years, a good happy 4 years. Then we broke up in February of this year (7 months ago). I felt so dead inside and my heart just shattered. I wanted her back and I would wait for her forever if I have to. I knew not to call her and act all desperate. I thought we could fix it together like we always do. But not this time. She changed and I could see it in her eyes. I made one last desperate attempt to get closure or to get her back and find a final answer. Obviously she didn't change. And then with that, I never looked back on my decision.
To heal: talk with friends. I went to God for help and joined different groups. I socialized a lot more. I focused more on myself. It really does take time to heal (about 2 months to start to feel like myself again) and you're never going to forget that person. But you can let go of those feelings and move on. Give it time though, you're going to hurt really badly. You're going to feel like you're getting off heroin or cocaine and having withdrawal symptoms. There are times when you're going to want them back so badly you'll do anything. But DON'T! Just let it be and move on. Everyone finds peace with themselves and their exes in some way or another. You just have to find it yourself and that is a journey you will make. It's going to hurt, but you'll mature, grow, and learn from it all and be a much better person on the other side :)
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - That's what I did too. "Fake it til you make it." I kept a smile on my face and just act as close as I could to feeling okay. At the end of the day, I kind of feel like shit. But hey, at least I feel like shit for a small part of my day instead of my entire day moping and feeling down. Feeling sorry for yourself and being sad just sucks. So put a smile on and find ways to make yourself happy. You deserve it! Have some "me" time because you're single now :)
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - Yeah! If you act like a dead cut-out paper doll all the time then eventually you'll be a real one!
@oki'mtrollingbutsrsly - I prefer Stanlee's way of putting it: "Fake it 'til you make it."
"Tonight, Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae, anyone?
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - sure when you're 17 years old and had an incredibly shallow, vapid relationship. then yes, that fo sho.
@Anonymous - So the value of a relationship is determined by how much pain you show when it ends?
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - Werd to that
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - But trying to act "more fine" than the other person is the worrrst
@Anonymous - Nah, the worst is the "who's the most miserable" contest. I hate watching that. XD I'd rather see everyone try to be okay than two people trying to misery-guilt one another.
From true love? My first break up was the summer of this year, before college started. It was bad enough being heartbroken, but finding out my ex left me for another girl made things so damn awkward for me. A heart break was still a heart break. I was her first for everything too, but apparently that's all behind her now. She wasn't my first, but the things we did (other than the sex) was all new to me. She opened my life to greater things and I wan tothank her for doing so. I did what I thought would bring her back in my arms, but nothing helped, so a month later I accepted the fact that not only she doesn't want to go back to loving me again, but she literally does not want to be my friend either. So the f*ck with it then.
I'm still willing to be there for her though, and even though I'm not her friend, she will always be mine.
Oh, and about college. Well it opens you up to what they say "fishes in the sea" and other than looking for a new relationship, you can focus more on school, you'll succeed without any regrets. People do get the tendency to make bad choices when in a relationship. You NEVER put your relationship before school. I made those mistakes in high school, and for that I missed out on a $2,000 scholarship that I could have gotten easily and straight A's. Biggest regret ever.
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