Monday, 26 September 2011
I was recently talking to one of my friends about her relationship. She has problems with one of her b/f's friends that is a girl. She was telling me how the girl jumps on him and wraps her legs around him, kisses him on the cheek, grabs on him, and makes bitchy comments to my friend when her b/f is not around. I asked her, "well have you told him all this?" She said she had but that he didn't see it. This girl also had a sexual history with her b/f.
I told her well you've got to make a choice... (a) You confront him again and tell him you're not comfortable with him hanging out with her and if he continues to do it then he might loose you. (b) Pull the girl aside privately and let her know you don't appreciate the way she acts and she needs to be more respectful of your relationship. (c) Just deal with it.
I also told her I would be happy to put the girl in place for her. But my friend is obsessed with getting married so I think for right now she's just going to see what happens.
Anyways that made me think of my relationship now marriage. My husband and I went through a particularly hard patch concerning his ex girlfriend "Debbie." My b/f's cousin had a thing for her and he began inviting her to hang with us. She acted like she was my friend, but I knew she had ulterior motives. She would outright flirt with my b/f right in front of me. Of course, he didn't see it like that. To him, she had "changed" from when they had dated. I call BULLSHIT!
What it boiled down to...she told one of our mutual friends she was hooking up with him in my car behind my back. Who she thought was her friend quickly came over to tell me what this girl had said. I, being 7 months preggo, completely lost it. I called my b/f and told him what I had heard. He not only denied it but then said, "Your friend is lying. Debbie would never make up a story like that." Debbie even called me to say it wasn't true and that our friend had gotten the story mixed up. It had nothing to do with me. But I had had enough. I took my engagement ring off and gave it back. I told him he couldn't have both of us, and if he couldn't make a choice, I would make it for him.
He didn't take me seriously. He thought I was just mad and would get over it until one of his best friends sat him down and said, "Look, man, she's not wearing her ring anymore. If you don't stop hanging out with Debbie you're going to lose her. Is that what you want?" He said nothing was going on with Debbie but that he didn't want to lose me. He ended up ditching being friends with his ex.
Years later she started messaging me saying that they had hooked up and he named our child a name they had picked out to remind him of what he wished he could have, etc. When I showed him this he was amazed. He really had thought she had changed...Now can we say idiot? (oh and I had named our son, not my b/f and when we first got together he had told me names him and his ex had picked out if they ever had kids and our son's name was not one of them.)
But because of this chic and the drama she caused I don't want my husband to have friends that are girls. And it wasn't just her. Every female friend I met of his seemed to be determined to get him to cheat on me or had a reason we shouldn't be together. Was I that awful of a g/f? He basically had to stop having friends that were girls. I never wanted to be the g/f that said who her husband could and couldn't be friends with, but I wasn't willing to deal with the drama. If he couldn't tell what girls were bad apples that he couldn't go trying to pick them.
And I know you might ask...how do you know Debbie was lying and your husband just isn't a douche? Let's just say Debbie is known for doing anything to try to keep a guy...when she found out we were dating, even though they had been broken up for a few months, she tried telling him she was pregnant with his kid. When he told her I was okay with it (which I knew she was lying and just trying to break us up)...she quickly said she had a miscarriage.
Then when her next relationship ended she made up another story that she was pregnant with that guy's kid when she wasn't. So she's known for pushing the truth to try to get her way...but what I want to ask her is, "If he doesn't love you enough to stay with you, why would you want to try to trap him? Having a baby won't make him love you...and really it probably won't make him stay either.
To the point...everything is fine now, but we had to go through hell first. I don't want that for my friend. I told her if she tries to ignore that this chick makes her upset the problem will only get worse. I know she wants to get married, but that doesn't mean you should do that with anyone who is willing. Oh well, we all have to learn from our mistakes, but it all makes me think.
Am I being too demanding by not wanting him to have chick friends? Where do you draw the line? Has something like this happened to you?