Friday, 23 September 2011
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The Ultimate Act of Trust: A Foursome?
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2 years, and since the beginning, we've been having sex. In a few months of dating, he got me to explore and try new things, and I liked them! The last few months we've learned that we both love and get off to S&M. So we're both very kinky, sexually open people.
About two months ago, a really good guy friend of ours (let's name him Seth!) and his girlfriend (let's name her Chrissy!) suggested we all have sex together with us two girls fooling around. I'm a little bicurious (she's legit bi, they've had threesomes and she's had girlfriends) so I was completely down! We even set up rules and boundaries to make it comfortable. Chrissy lives far and only comes down for a weekend here and there. We kept running into roadblocks, like mother nature, or other plans that weekend.
Chrissy and I still have not done it- even though I'm like a dog sitting, drooling for a bone my owner is dangling in front of me.
The other day, my boyfriend and I were talking about porn and how guys like it on there, but you don't like it if it's with girlfriends. He then started smiling and I asked him what he was thinking about. His response? I can't say it on here, but it involved him, Seth, and myself. I was in shock, and I had to leave the house to do something. We were sexting about it, and when I gave it some thought, it would be hot if we incorporated this other couple.
We talked about it some and we discussed what we were comfortable with. I'd personally rather have oral with them than penetration, but he'd rather have penetration because the mouth is too personal. But we did fully decide that all has to be equal, and no matter what he or I do, we're also involved with each other.
After two days of flirting, fantasizing, and sexting, we talked about it on a serious level. We both agree that it was the ultimate act of trust. I honestly don't feel threatened in anyway by Seth's girlfriend, and he doesn't feel threatened by Seth. I went on to ask the two of them, and we all agreed that we'll see how the sex goes (just basically doing it next to each other and us chicks fooling around). Then maybe, if we all feel comfortable, we'd have a foursome.
Would you guys think of a foursome as the ultimate act of trust? Do you think you could see you and your man having a foursome with a couple you trusted? Let me hear your thoughts, because this is new for me!
Any tips? Suggestions?
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- From: maryjanewaswronglyaccused@xanga
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Comments (76)
Uhhh.... No... Thats kinda gross imo..
Congratulations! I'm really happy for you guys. =) A lot of couples have trouble doing what you're going to do, and I'm glad it worked out. I've yet to find a group to do that with, so I'm in the dark in that respect... But I've had friends that have gone through it and told me about it, and I've been in enough threesomes to get the general idea.
I'm not sure if I'd call it the ultimate act of trust. I'm not sure what I'd call the ultimate act of trust, actually... Reflexively, I'd say marriage. If I married my guy, it'd show I trusted him wholly.
Oh wait, tips! Don't double-dip with condoms! If the guys are switching between you and her multiple times, make them get a new condom every time. That will stop the spread of cervical cancer. Also, since you're into S&M, make sure you share your safeword with the other two partners so they know what to do, too!
No. I thought and talked about having a threesome when I was with my first girlfriend. However, after much consideration, I don't think I can ever go through with one. I'm more about having my girlfriend as mine and mine only. It isn't really an issue of trust, but more so I just want her for myself as if she would want me only for herself.
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with this. It's great though that you two are so open, honest, and comfortable with one another about your sexual preferences.
But as always, I'll play the voice of caution. As human beings we are inherently sexually possessive. To explain, there are people who truly believe that they will be comfortable with their SO having another partner and even watching them their SO with that person; that is of course right up until the actual event occurs. To most men, sharing their SO with a woman isn't a big deal, it's even downright sexy. However, when another male is involved that's when you cross into the territory of one's primal and unconscious nature. This is obviously where things tend to go awry.
How do I know this? Well I have some kinky friends and I'm also an avid fan of Dan Savage's column. Actually using an example from Savage he had a woman write to him where she wanted to know as to why her husband suddenly became extremely depressed and moody after she began to have sex with a new lover for the first time. In this situation, this emotional change for the husband was immediate and drastic, literally up until the moment of penetration he was all for it and then that switch flipped within seconds of his wife being penetrated. Of course being the loving wife that she is she immediately stopped the other man and tended to her husband.
In summary, my advice is to be very careful and be aware of this. While we do live in an age of growing sexual freedom and exploration, human nature trumps everything. We are built to be possessive of our partners.
I find it really intriguing that other people are into this, and good for you for being so open. Personally though, I can't do it. I am so deeply attached to my boyfriend that seeing him with anyone else would really make me feel uncomfortable, and honestly, I have no desire to be naked with anyone else.
I think "trust" is the wrong word here though, because trust implies that you fear something happening that your SO would not let happen and therefore cares about your interests. I guess you could say you trust him not to be more interested in the other girl than you, but other than that, I don't think that word applies here. I think the word you're looking for is "open to experience." Going through with a foursome or threesome or whatever it is is gutsy. I guess it involves a certain level of fear to overcome, but still, it's more about the act of overcoming your discomfort and trying something totally new.
Have fun, I'm glad you and your boyfriend could find something exciting to do that you're both comfortable with!
okay... just so we're clear... having a foursome is NOT the "Ultimate act of trust" that is one of the dumbest "thoughts" i have ever heard.
no. just... no.
i am all for people being sexually open and exploring. but i want you to take that phrase and THROW IT AWAY! a lot could happen with other people incorporated. and i want you to be aware something could happen that could make you lose those friends for good. so honestly- i dont think having sex with friends is ever a good idea. if you did want to do a foursome i would suggest going with a couple you get acquainted with, than never have to see again. it can get messy pretty quick. and by the way you're saying things im not sure you'll be able to handle it, and i can see it going really badly. but something to consider and think on.
also i should say ive had experience with more alt things. and i think people need to be very self aware, both want it for themselves (and it seems like you're just doing it for him/because of his idea= never a good thing).. -
it could go well but im warning you make sure its something you really want. from my experience i think you should think it out more. it sounds like he planted the idea, and you're just going with it and are into it now. but make sure its what you really want. and be prepared to lose those friends. because that could happen after. sex changes things. also look into the intentions and open ness of that couple and make sure they're emotionally stable. takes 4 healthy willing, like minded people to make something work.
Disgusting.
i think it is cool that you guys can do this. i dont think i could simply because i dont think it's in me(i have no interest to). but for those who can, are willing to do it, and enjoy it, kudos.
This is awesome!!! I think the "ultimate act of trust" is probably different for everyone. I hope you guys gave a blast!
I don't think I can ever have a foursome or even a threesome. I just like it to be my husband and me in the room. I think it's more intimate that way, anyways. And no, I don't think having a foursome is the ultimate act of trust.. perhaps marriage, maybe, but not a foursome.
Ugh.
I had a threesome fantasy with twin men. this got me fantasizing about a foursome with triplet men
I wouldn't do the foursome with my own bf and another female because I'm not bisexual...probably if he has a twin or is part of a triplet
thinking of them getting jealous because I can't really tell them apart and scream the wrong name amuses me
fuck yeah, foursome with triplets
Maybe it seems cool in theory but may be a problem once it actually takes place. Then again there are swingers in the world...
It's not an act of trust. It's an act of sexual desire. Not that that's wrong at all (if you're both happy with it, go for it), but to say it's an act of trust is a big push. And, remember, humans are sexual beings - this could go badly wrong!
I would never do it. I'd want my gf to be mine and mine only.
I agree with a lot of the other users here... I don't think it's the "ultimate act of trust"; that would be marrying your bf.
Personally, I think bringing other people into the bedroom is a terrible idea when you are in a relationship. I think threesomes, foursomes, etc. should be done while single, to avoid the inevitable jealousy. I would never engage in anything like this myself, single or taken, because it's against my morals. However, I have done some fantasizing. I suppose it could be fun for you, but I think the reality isn't going to be anywhere close to your expectations.
For me, the ultimate act of trust will be the trust that a guy will place in me when he marries me-that I'm enough for him.
I'd just make sure you both really went over every particular, every possibility before jumping in. I think you both seem comfortable with the idea, and I think by testing the waters (first seeing how it goes with girl on girl and whatnot) is also a good idea. I would just suggest treading very slowly because in the moment a person's emotions may change. Just be careful, and make sure you know 100% that your partner isn't having any doubts.
Although not the ultimate act of trust, I can see why it takes a lot of trusting. Too heavy for me to dip into, but good luck to you.<li class="category-top">Fashion Accessories
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Uhh you're weird, that's for sure. I'd never ever ever wanna have a threesome, let alone a foursome. I just want my man all to myself; I don't care if the other person(s) involved are "harmless". He's mine, and mine alone.
Definitely not for me. I want my love all to myself. I honestly cannot see how trust can come out of that... it seems like pure poison to me. I also urge you all to get tested to make sure you don't all end up with and STD. Just a thought. Even oral can transmit ickies.
My former wife and I did a swap, as neither she nor the other were bi, in any way, but the parameters were next to each the other, with the swapped partner.... Let's just say that we all do our duties differently, and I preferred to talk, after, to get to know the other woman better, all the way around. My former wasn't a talker in bed about anything, it was do the deed, finish the details and move along. The others were also so inclined, both of them. He as a business and get, she wanted to talk. My former and the other him were basicly wam, bam thanks and off we go, whereas, the other woman an I spent much more time and a few more go arounds before emerging from the bedroom. The outcome of this for me and mine was a long hearfelt talk about what we want, much to my ultimate disappointment and hers and lets just say I changed the others point of view about how things could be done. My point is make absolutely sure you are really secure with doing this, because not everyone will be settled after its over, and it DOES work out to a hormone-fest, and attraction/distraction does happen, not always for the best.... Peace
I couldn't deal with sharing a lover.
I also couldn't deal with a lover that was okay with sharing me.
How is this the ultimate act of trust? It sounds like the complete opposite of an act of trust. Trust would be proving that you're truly committed to your significant other, and only your significant other. This is just lust/selfishness.
@lewk@xanga - agreed