Friday, 16 September 2011
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From BFFs and Lovers to Acquaintances
I used to hang out with one of my friends, let's call her Jenny, on a weekly basis. We would go bowling every Wednesday for the 99 cent games; we'd go to bars and hang out on the weekends and just do whatever.Then all of a sudden, she just up and ignores my calls or doesn't ask me to hang out anymore. She used to invite me to her house parties whenever she had them. Lately, I knew she has thrown at least two, but didn't send me a personal invite nor talk to me at all about them. I thought I was closer friends with her than another mutual friend who I thought she didn't even like, but she invited her and didn't invite me. What pisses me off is that she can like one of my facebook statuses after not having talked to me for the longest time, but not answer my calls or ask me to hang out anymore. I'm beginning to want to delete her.
I thought at first it was because my parents are overbearing. They sometimes call my friends' phones a thousand times to see where I'm at, even though I'm 25 which is ridiculous. But she was ignoring me even before that, and she knows my parents don't bug me as much over the weekends if I'm out with friends.
This isn't the first time she's randomly ignored me either. The first time she did this, I ignored it. I still hung out with her whenever she asked afterwards.
Part of me wants to bring this up to mutual friends who have been major d-bags to me for no reason at all, but another part of me just says this is so childish and to screw it.
Would you say something in my situation, or not even bring it up? Has this happened to you?
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Comments (13)
There's not really a right-or-wrong-one-size-fits-all thing to be done here...
Look, if you miss her, call her. Keep trying. Put effort forth and work into it, if you want her to stay in your life.
If you don't really care, or it won't affect you, drop it. She (as far as her relationship with you goes) no longer matters.
Do whatever you wouldn't regret doing. (<--Simple concept that no one gets)
Send her a message asking what's up for the final time. Give her a week or so to get back to you, and if she doesn't bother, delete her and just assume she's moved on. By calling her and messaging her constantly, you're probably coming across as being quite clingy which can be really off-putting. If she doesn't get back to you, then she's obviously not interested in being your friend anymore.
You need to talk to her personally to ask what is going on. You can sit here and wonder about it forever and never really know what is going on in her mind. The best advice I could give you is to go talk to her. Good luck.
It's obviously buggin' you, so go head and find out why. be straight up. but otherwise, remember all relationships are two way streets. If she's not willing to respond, don't waste your time on her. You got your own life to live, no point in wasting time with people who don't care.
I'd confront her if she meant something a lot to me. I've been in this, most of those friendships fell apart, a few patched itself though.
Girls are weird. It probably isn't really even anything. You should talk to her...or delete her!
Yes it happened to me - and I was that bitch to my friend (sigh)
Now I sort of have another angle to see this. The other person is left in confusion and frustration and perhaps, misery. But in my case, the troublemaker has some personal crises too, and she fears to tell you.
I'm actually the other person at the moment. I feel guilty. q _ q
But the thing is I'm upset but not sure how to word it cause all we do is end up fighting again.I'm guessing she has personal issues that she wants to express but not sure how to.
I kind of know how you feel. I had a best friend for 8 years, since freshman year in high school. Even when we went our separate ways for college, we still were always there for each other, though we had our own lives and didn't talk as much as we used to. After I graduated, I relocated to a different state with my now ex boyfriend, she also moved to the same place. She had broken things off with her fiance, took a break from college, and started hooking up with a good friend of mine. He's been pretty much in love with her since the day he met her. I thought I did them both a great thing by bringing them together, turns out I was wrong.
A couple months after we moved, my good friend/her new boyfriend at the time also moved here. Everything was going fine until I had gotten a job at the same store she transferred to for the move. Getting a job right after college is hard, so I had to take the retail position, she actually had to vouch for me because they didn't like that I had a college degree. The whole thing was basically that after a couple months of us working together, there was a new guy who transferred to the store. She mentioned he was cute, but there was never any kind of sign for things to come. My ex and I never got along after we moved in together. Before that time, we had our differences, but I guess we didn't see each other enough for it to be such an issue. We fought on a nearly constant basis and just didn't have a healthy relationship. We ended up breaking up, especially since I was kind of crushing on the new guy at work and I knew that was terrible.After we broke up, I started hanging out with that guy from work a lot. My best friend started expressing some serious jealousy, which I never understood because she had a boyfriend that she always said she loved so much. I knew it was bad that I was crushing on someone at the end of my relationship, but my relationship wasn't working at all and I never cheated or even came close to it. She, on the other hand, always said that her relationship was great. Because she was dating a good friend of mine, I started getting really pissed over her attitude, but just never said anything about it. The guy from work also said some pretty messed up things that she told him but not me, like that she asked him why he liked me and not her. Now for where things started to get screwed up.
The guy from work never really had a real relationship before and was really pressuring me into a relationship no matter how many times I told him I just was not ready for one. I had JUST gotten out of one, I didn't want to jump into another relationship so fast. I told him up front that I wanted to see other people, as in, I didn't want to be his girlfriend and I had every right to be single and go on dates. He got really upset at me for that, but he agreed to being just friends. So we were in an agreement that he and I were not dating, that we could see other people, if we found someone we wanted to be with to just let the other one know, and that we'd be friends even if we didn't want a relationship.. We still hung out, but just as friends, which I made very clear when he randomly kissed me one night. Here's the part that started the whole ordeal.
My ex's semi friend(they were more like acquaintances than friends) and I started hanging out a lot. It was pretty surprising how immediately we clicked considering we had really never had a conversation before my ex and I split. We just got along so well, had so much in common, made each other laugh, just everything was almost too good to be true. My ex accused me of a lot of things, like sleeping with his semi friend, breaking up with him for his semi friend, just a lot of shit that wasn't true at all. A couple months later, my ex's semi friend kissed me. I told my best friend and she said I had to tell the guy from work. I told her that he and I agreed on just friends, but since I really liked my ex's semi friend, I was of course going to tell the guy from work. I did, then he stopped talking to me. He said he didn't want to be my friend anymore, on top of some pretty harsh stuff. I never said anything in retort, just said I understood, took his harsh words, and let the friendship go. A couple days later, my best friend told me she wasn't moving in with me anymore, but guess who? The guy from work. Even though we had been planning it for months, my ex kicked me out, and the guy from work wasn't her boyfriend.
About two weeks later, my so-called best friend told me that I had to tell my ex I was seeing his semi friend or she would. I was pretty pissed considering: it was none of her fucking business, it was none of his fucking business, my ex was just that- an ex, his semi friend and him weren't even really good friends, and I planned on telling him just not immediately since we just barely started seeing each other. After telling my ex, more shit behind my back was spread. My so-called best friend alienated me from the only two groups of friends I had in the state. She spread shit about me at work and I'm grateful I had gotten a different job at that time. People stopped talking to me and my ex's semi friend. I would ask "friends" I had made at the store if they wanted to hang out and got excuses for not being able to. Then two days later they post pictures on Facebook of the night out they had, of course I wasn't invited. I still kept trying, despite the obvious signs that my so-called best friend had made sure everyone hated me. It wasn't until it was one of my "friends" from the store's birthday that I deleted any form of contact with them and basically told one of them to fuck off. They had some huge party because three of them had a birthday around the same time. I had actually asked if they were doing anything, in which they said no, then posted party pics the next day. We're still not friends and I'm actually happy about that.
It took about six months for people to wise up and realize that she's just a bitch. Someone actually accidentally told me she cheated on her boyfriend with guy from work about a month after he stopped talking to me. It wasn't a rumor considering, this person was her friend, was among the people who stopped talking to me, and flipped shit when she told me and didn't know I didn't know about it. My so-called best friend/bitch never admitted to it, never told her boyfriend, and actually broke up with him about a month ago. She also lied to me about it when I confronted her, then continued to bitch to people about me "accusing" her. Now isn't that some shit?
My advice is that you could make the effort to talk to her about it, only if you felt it was worth it. However, with my experience, I won't talk to my ex best friend about any of it because I don't believe a single word that comes out of her mouth anymore. She also does that weird Facebook bullshit with only interacting with me on Facebook. I never deleted her because I knew it would just bring more drama and I've definitely had more than my fill of that bullshit, from her especially. The nice thing is that everything worked out more to my favor, despite her efforts to isolate me and make me miserable. Even my ex thinks shes a bitch and is somewhat on good terms with me now. The weirdest thing is that she has some serious underlying jealousy of me and is like my fucking shadow. She won't talk to me or be a good friend, but she'll mold her personality and style to mine through what she sees on Facebook. It's actually kind of sad and a little bit creepy. I also know that this sounds terrible, but her failure to turn most of my friends against me brings a smile to my face. When I think about everything, I'm glad I "lost" the "friends" I did. Apparently they're still stuck in high school tendencies of picking sides, especially after only hearing one side of the story. Real friends don't pick sides, period. She's a fake and shitty person, I'm better off without people like that in my life.
Sorry that was a long ass story, but that drama went on for about 6-7 months.
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are you a guy? you sound needy....
@kayteeiiee@xanga - How am I being needy at all? No?
And no, I'm not a guy.
Just ticked off that people think they can like my stuff on facebook or comment on my facebook, but ignore my calls or don't make the effort to hang out yet they can talk to me online all the time. And no I don't call her every single day. I called her a few times and after that I didn't bother to talk to her anymore since she didn't answer my calls. WoW! That's totally "needy"
I'm sure u'd be "fine" with a friend just all of a sudden ignoring you out of thin air tho it was like BFFs before she did that. I'm sure you wouldn't call her a few times looking for an answer either before you stopped calling her.
there's gotta be a reason... talk to her and find out.
maybe the reason is she's just a terrible friend...