Thursday, 15 September 2011
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Another Girl's Obsession with My Boyfriend
My boyfriend's best friend is in love with him.
She's admitted this both to him and to others, but claims that she is content just being his friend. He is in no way interested in her (hence why he's dating me) and has made that quite clear to her. I'm adult enough to ignore her childish obsession, or rather, I was until I saw the gift she gave him for his birthday.
I went with him when he stopped by her dorm to pick up the present, and his best friend's roommate looked him up and down and said "you're just as cute in person as you are on Facebook." I have no problem with other women appreciating my boyfriend's looks (i do it myself all the time!) but I didn't appreciate his best friend's comment right after of "I show your pictures to all my friends so they know how lucky I am to have you."
He immediately replied with "You don't have me," and put his arm around my waist. She assured him she was just joking, but he was clearly uncomfortable and we left right away. He unwrapped his present, looked at it and shook his head before handing it to me.
It was one of those neat little electronic key chains that hold pictures, and it contained over 30 pictures. Some were of her and him together, but it was mostly pictures of her. Not provocative pictures or anything sexual, just her on any regular day.
He's gone home now (he graduated last year, I'm continuing grad school) but I occasionally see this girl on campus.
Should I say something to her about her present, or should I just keep it to myself and ignore her? I just feel like that's an inappropriate present, and I'm more than a little tired of her obession with him.
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About the Author
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- From: dynamicstars@xanga
- Name: dynamicstars
- About Me: i'm a 22 year old graduate student at a small college in the midwest. i usually manage to hide my inner child behind a remarkbly adult-looking facade, but at times it slips out and dances wildly on tabletops.
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Comments (77)
What makes you think she's going to take you seriously if you say anything? Your boyfriend loves you, you love him, and both of you are secure in the knowledge that this girl won't be able to change that. Just ignore her.
He should delete the pics and put pics of you two! That way when she asks about it, it'll send the message home. lol!
I say ignore it. It doesn't sound like she's gone too far yet.well it seems like your BF knows his lines. but his friend doesn’t. I don’t think that present is quite appropriate. Although not provocative, but still, no one would give a gift like that to a “friend”, esp if he’s dating someone else. Since she’s his “ best friend”, they must still KIT a lot, so I would say you have to speak up. either to your BF or to the friend. Or perhaps talk to ur BF first before you talk to the friend, so your BF will know what’s going on and not get into any misunderstandings.
xoxo HitomiNeko xoxo
I'm not really sure about the course of action, since it really isn't that bad of a thing but I can see why it would sting, but there is one thing I want to say:
I cringe a little at you calling her love an 'obsession'. I've noticed we, as an age group slash society, have started to deem one-way love as merely obsession. As if only mutual feelings are allowed the title of 'love'. However, it is possible that she is legitimately in love with your boyfriend.
If I were you, I'd say... act as if you do believe she's in love with him. Come at her with empathy and tact, whatever you do, and know that there's a broken heart under all that bravado and open pursuing.
@MangoWOW@xanga - bahahah AGREED! that would be hilarious!
I think that this is a situation for your boyfriend to deal with and to make clear to her.
Because I truthfully don't think that anything you say is going to get through to her, and you're just going to get more upset and throttled by everything.
Just keep being the mature one in this situation.
I wouldn't even say anything to her. If she talks to you, try to be polite. You don't want to ruin your own reputation just because some other girl is going nuts over your bf.
She might be doing this with the hope that it will stir up problems between you and your boyfriend and eventually ruin your relationship. I'd say ignore it and don't pester your boyfriend about it, because she might want you guys to fight over her. Your boyfriend sounds very loyal. :) But if you believe that he is somehow encouraging or accepting her behavior, then you may want to have a talk with him about it.
She's in a lot of pain right now. He chose you, not her, just remember that. In fact, her behavior, according to you, is making him uncomfortable, so she's driving him away herself. Remind your boyfriend that you trust him and then let him deal with it.
i think it's disrespectful of both of them.
She should not do things like this in front of you, and he should be much clearer to her.
but as for bringing things up with her, I'd just leave it alone and give her a small smile whenever you walk by. Dont let her phase you
As much as it hurts, I think this is something your boyfriend needs to talk to her about. Right now she is definitely tip-toeing the line between BFFs and inappropriate stuff. If it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable he needs to say something. I think if she does something COMPLETELY out of line and creepy and borderline-psycho then yeah, definitely say something!! But for now the only one who can make her realize what she is doing wrong is your boyfriend. She may brush off anything you say as you just being jealous (which might encourage her to push that button with your boyfriend, hoping to break you up, etc...)
Anyway, as most people have said here, you are one very lucky lady to have such a loyal, wonderful, boyfriend. If you do end up talking to her about it, I suggest taking the already-recommended strategy of approaching with empathy and understanding. Keep in mind, if she IS trying to break you up, she may change her ways if she is won over by your awesome understanding-ness and such!
Good luck!!
I don't understand why your bf would be best friends with someone who makes him feel uncomfortable. He needs to approach this issue himself.
That seems a bit annoying. I've been in a similar situation, but thankfully,
Background Story:it was his ex gf and not his best friend---
His little "first" gf back in hs --- was super obsessed/in love with him.
I was a little annoyed, but didn't let it get to me.
Until I found out she was going to the same college as us.
I just didn't feel comfortable with him being friends with her, or just being close.
So I expressed that feeling, especially more so when I knew she still had feelings, or interest.
He of course, in turn got angry with me.
We argued a bit (he was upset I was "telling" him who to be friends with)
But eventually he calmed down and understood from my point of view.
That is until I got more annoyed than usual since she joined our club.
I mean, it's fine that she joined and wants to get involved, but
It wasn't okay for her to tell all her little new friends that, she used to date my boyfriend.
And it happened right in front of me.
Unfortunately our 2 year relationship didn't last (because of other reasons),
But I was always insecure with the "ex" gf--- and when I moved back home,
Guess what? My ex got back together with his ex gf---4 months after I left. Wow.
It's okay though, they only lasted for like 4-5 months. (I knew it wouldn't last)
Anyway!
It seems to me that your boyfriend doesn't hold any interest in his best friend.
But that is SUPER awkward for the best friend to act that way.
I'm also assuming that since she is that way, you two aren't close.
That sucks, since I'd want my boyfriend to get a long with my best friend and vice versa.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd confront the boyfriend first.
It seems that you already have, since you know he doesn't feel that way toward her,
I would say something along the lines of..
Me: "Baby... can I just be real with you for a second? Don't get mad. I'm just expressing my feelings/thoughts. There's something that's been annoying me lately....."
And BAAM! You lay it straight to him your thoughts and feelings about the girl.
Well jokingly I'd say, "So... why are you two best friends?"
If anything, if it really comes to a point where you can't take the annoyance,
You should tell him, "It's all talk and no harm done, but it's really annoying. Can you please tell her to stop since it makes us both uncomfortable?"
However, if you really want to approach her yourself, you should tell him that you are going to.
If you do it, and not tell him about it, he might get angry.
Or even yet, the best friend will most likely tell him and might even twist shit around.
Be careful!
Jealousy's a bitch. You've already won, let it go. lol. It's a lot easier to see the big picture from afar, but I'd say let it go....or kill her and make it look like an accident and never tell a soul what you've done. Anything other than that and you are going to come off as a crazy bitch. lmao
@reminisce - I see where you are coming from, but it's a bad idea. You make some one choose in a situation like this and bad things will happen. For example what if you'd let the subject between you and your ex go? Is it not possible that he read into your concern the wrong way and felt constricted, eventually leading to the end?**
**Or maybe he was a complete doucher. Who am I to say.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - He was a total douche for a lot of reasons. And now I just think of him as a slut--- or maybe I'm just irreplaceable? lol. He's already dating someone new. Well, none of it's any of my concern. =P
But your comment for the blog made me LOL. Something I'd say to a friend.
Like others said, this is an issue that he needs to address to her because he is at the other end of the situation. You just need to keep it to yourself and be polite if she talks to you like@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga said. You don't want to give anything incriminating for her to use against you.
Leave it alone. If anyone was to say something, it'll be your bf bc she is your bf's best friend. Saying something to her will just show her that you're insecure and jealous of her and that's exactly what she wants. Even though it's annoying, your bf obviously knows how to handle it.
Since he's not at school anymore I would just drop it. If later on she comes back in the picture then use your judgement on the situation. Sometimes guys don't say anything because they don't think it's necessary...and maybe it's not. But if it gets to the point where she makes you very uncomfortable and he doesn't understand then just be honest with her about how you feel...not rude, just honest.
But if she ever is a bitch to you behind his back or makes it clear she is going to go after him then I say gloves off. Some chicks need to be put in their place or they'll just think they can walk all over you. But that is a last case scenario. If it gets that bad your boyfriend should just stop hanging with her so you don't have to be put in that situation where you need to say something.
okipoki....well, ummm i can say that i have had issues like this before. It is so annoying and usually will not be resolved with you saying anything. Your boyfriend needs to figure out something. I know this is messed up, she seems not to understand he will not be hers, and well she may also be trying to get you guys to break up. I hope something will be done if things like this continue, but like I said, nothing you do will resolve it because you will never get through to her, these people are hard headed, i know. been there, but since your boyfriend guarantees he has no feelings for her, and he is yours, try not to think about it too much. have the comfort of knowing he won't leave you for her. It's easy to say, i know, and ever so hard to do. Best wishes.
It sounds like you've maintained a mature, level-head about this situation so far. I think mentioning the inappropriate gift to her would be unnecessary and a step in the wrong direction. I do agree that this girl seems incredibly annoying. I don't know how your boyfriend maintains any type of friendship with her.
Continue to ignore her. You've got him --she doesn't. Her gifts and comments are her acting out. Don't fuel the flame by making any comments to her. I'm sure she'd run right off to your boyfriend telling him how horrible you are.
seems like his best friend does these things to try to get a rise out of you. I'd ignore her existence
if she crosses the line by sitting on his lap or any other seriously inappropriate gestures, then I'd bitchslap that ho
til then...don't let her know you're bothered
I know this isn't what you're asking, but from a different perspective on the situation... I think your bf is wrong to keep being friends with her. Obviously she's allowing herself hope because he isn't turning a cold shoulder, and while he's not leading her on per say, it still seems like it would be more kind to her if he just told her he didn't even want to be friends. She needs to get over him and move on.
You need to see this from her viewpoint. She loves him, and he picked you and basically shoved her into the friendzone, probably not understanding how much she cares for him. I'm not saying that makes her behaviour appropriate, but try and see it from her view too. She's hurting and it seems, just wants attention. That being said, there's nothing you can do - if you're boyfriend is no longer at school, just ignore her :)
I think if you haven't said anything about it now, it's kind of pointless. If you did want to say something, you should have said it as soon as you saw the gift. I mean, she wants him. Plain and simple. It's obvious, and she has no shame in being so open about it. She is trying to get under your skin and possibly even break up your relationship. Your boyfriend is with you, though, so don't stress. If it bothers you so much, bring it up to HIM! In my opinion it's HIS responsibility to put this girl (and her inappropriate behaviors) in check. Tell him, "I'm not meaning to get in the way of your friendship, or tell you who to be friends with, but this girl's feelings for you makes me uncomfortable, especially considering the gift she gave you." If he gets defensive about it, ask him how he would feel if one of your guy friends did the same thing. In all honesty, I think it's wrong for him to even stay friends with her in two ways: 1 - it's getting in the way of his current relationship with you, and causing you to be uncomfortable. 2 - he is, in a sense, leading her on by NOT cutting her off. She will keep thinking it's okay until then. Just my two cents.