Thursday, 15 September 2011
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Three Strikes: You're Out?
This post was submitted anonymously.When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I found out that he had another girl over at 2 in the morning; his best friend told me and my heart was broken. I confronted him and he said she just needed to talk, that's all they did and he rubbed her back. Then I asked him if he even still wanted to be together and we ended up staying together. Well, about a year later one of my friends told me that her sister and my boyfriend were texting and he was telling her that he wanted to make out with her.
So I confronted him again and he admitted it again and I told him I had to think about us and I ended up staying with him. Then after some family problems with both my mom and dad and step mom, I ended up living with him in his dad's house, but I haven't fully trusted him again. I started getting a feeling that he was talking to other girls again and one day I saw his phone light up and it was from a girl, so I asked him about it and he said he was just talking to her about high school so I didn't want to say anything.
Well recently, he left his Facebook open and I know I shouldn't have, but I looked through his messages and I saw that he was talking to that girl, so I looked and he was saying how he has always thought she was cute and still thinks she is, so I confronted him and I said I didn't deserve this and he admitted it and said that's all he said.
I'm skeptical about staying with him. It's the third time this has happened and he said he doesn't know why he does it and he is sorry and a bunch of other stuff. But, I do love him and if I do leave I don't really have anywhere to go. I can't stay with my mom because my sister is and my step mom doesn't like me. My dad chose her side and kinda told me to leave.
Do you think I should give it another try or just say no and try and find somewhere to go?
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Comments (13)
Should have learned after the second time. You'll just need to leave because the more you keep going back, the more he'll think he can get away with it; basically, you're giving him the ability to do this if you keep going back to him. Pack up, leave and find someone else.
@laytexduckie@xanga - exactly...
Please listen to me on this one when I say he's not going to stop, and eventually he is going to physically cheat on you. Do you have any friends you could stay with? I'm going to tell you what I did (maybe I shouldn't because you really should leave). I did the same shit back to him...gave him a taste of his own medicine, and once he saw I didn't need him he quit doing it...for a little while. The point is that now he can't have any friends that are chicks, and if he even tells a female "hi" I have a meltdown on freak out mode. There are a lot more complications now in my relationship so I'm in it trying to make it work...and right now it is. But that is today, who knows about tomorrow. I wish someone would have told me or made me leave a long time ago...but I stuck around. And now I couldn't tell you why except that I thought I was "in love." And maybe I was, but a hard lesson learned is no matter how much you love him, it has no bearing on how much he is going to love you in return. Being single is much better than dealing with bullshit.
oh and my guy's reason for talking to chicks....he was bored. nice, huh? and I said well then why not talk to me? he never had a good answer for that one. RUN!
i THINK every time you "confront" him, he calls your bluff because of your economical and personal situation so he KNOWS it doesn't matter. Once he behaves a bit better in front of you, try to keep the texting on the down low, he doesn't have to really apologize because it all comes to him admitting that he was doing it...and it was just "talk."
From what I'm reading, it sounds like you're going back for second helping in being emotionally mistreated and taken advantage of. Yes, no one held a gun to your head, but you have no other place to live, what else can you do, right? NO. Find some friends who can bunk with you, seek your parents and family and figure this shit out. Don't say, "let's see if you'd like it if I did it to you" because you're letting in a third party who is at NO FAULT in this f*cked up situation that HE created, and you're letting it run wild by not doing anything about it. Confrontations can only do so much when you don't RESOLVE the issue; either break up with him and find somewhere else to live, or get down to the bottom of the problem. If he's bored, he can talk to you. If he wants to flirt, he can do it with you. And if he doesn't want YOU to do these things with, then WHY THE HECK IS HE WITH YOU?
No. Take the situation into your own hands somehow, and get out of there. You do not deserve to be in a relationship with someone who does not deserve your trust. He has done it twice before, and he's going to keep doing it because he thinks he can. He needs to grow up and decide what he wants in his life.
Do not stick around for another conversation of hearing him out, or trying to figure out why he does the things he does... just get out of there. Tell him that right now you don't want to hear anything that he has to say. Tell him that you're thankful for him taking you in but you're not dealing with someone who doesn't respect you anymore, and you're moving on with your life.
Stand up for yourself because you're just going to get more and more hurt if you don't.
Sounds like my ex.. He never stopped either.. You should get out while you can..
Leave him and rid yourself of this painful situation as soon as possible. Break ups are never fun, but you need to break it off with him for yourself. He has broken your trust 3 times even though you've been clear and concise with how you feel about his actions. He doesn't respect you and he's made this apparent by doing the same things over and over. Leave him. He needs time to mature and this could be a great learning experience for him. Be strong and respect yourself.
Sounded shady from the start.
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UH, NO. Leave his sorry ass. You had a right to look through his Facebook after the other things he has done. He's not worth it. What an asshole...
shady. leave.
Stupid question. forgiving him so many times just proves that you yourself, do not consider yourself worthy of a good relationship.