Monday, 12 September 2011
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A Relationship Alter-Ego?
For the first time, this weekend L and I experienced something unlike any other. L came to the apartment and we spent the weekend with some of my friends (most of which L hadn't met beforehand). The people we were spending time with were, for the most part, all other couples. L and I don't have many couple friends. In fact, most of the time we spend with others we are spending with friends who are single/dating someone out of the group. Because of this, we discovered what seems to be our relationship alter-ego.With our single (and mutual) friends we tend to bicker. We avoid sitting close together and we never use pet names. However, when we are alone we're usually sitting in very close proximity. We bicker, but not nearly as often as we do in front of our mutual friends. We do use pet names, but it's never overdone.
Somehow, in front of my school friends here we're completely different than we are in front of our mutual friends. We don't bicker. As a group, we're all comfortable with our relationships and, while no one is terribly into massive amounts of PDA, being a couple is just easier.
This was the first time we've felt comfortable acting like ourselves as a couple around others. L asked me if I thought that, after having finally been able to be ourselves, we might now be able to act this way in front of our mutual friends. Perhaps we won't ever feel comfortable doing this around our mutual friends simply because we're the only couple in our group of friends. Perhaps it has everything to do with the fact that we don't want to make them feel uncomfortable/ we don't want to seem obnoxiously attached.
Have you and your SO ever felt this way around your friends? Do you think it correlates to people who are around you/ their relationship statuses?
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (14)
I never felt this way when I dated my exes, I'd never be ashamed of who I was dating otherwise I wouldn't date 'em. The only way I can see myself hiding a relationship status is from nosy family that I don't trust and perhaps a take-back if I ever took my ex back.
I'm less affectionate in groups when I'm with my boyfriend. Something I definitely need to work on since he is affectionate. We just need to meet in the middle somewhere haha. I think I act like that because it always made me feel so awkward when I hung out with other couples and they were all over each other and excluding me when I was with them. I know my boyfriend and I don't do that, but I always think back to it.
I think it depends on what group I'm around. Most of my friends, I'm comfortable with being affectionate and showing PDA. There are some, on the other hand, that I'm iffy about. Even my parents, I'm comfortable with some limited PDA. Hand holding, sitting close together, etc. I'm not about to make out with anyone in front of them though. If I'm with my martial artist friends/family, then I won't so much as touch my SO if I don't have to. In that sense, it's definitely a respect thing. It's almost a professional setting (though not exactly, it's really hard to explain) and just isn't the place for it. In the general public, I'm okay with hand holding, pecks on the cheek, or arms around shoulder/waist. Anything excessive is a no go for me though.
In my current relationship, this is tough. My boyfriend isn't big on PDA (and I have to admit, I am) and that's hard to get used to. Hopefully he'll come around, and like @sunflowersforlove@xanga - said, we can meet somewhere in the middle. :D haha.
Oh man I felt this way with my ex! It wasn't even him per say, it was me. I preferred just being at a distant and more like friends than a couple in front of our mutual friends. There was always this awkward tension, they were couples too but we just weren't as comfortable around them. It felt like we were under the spotlight. But I think in the end I think it all has to do with mentality.
My boyfriend and I tend to get on each others nerves a bit more when we are in groups, especially if they're mostly couples. We don't act unlike ourselves exactly it's just for some reason when we are alone together we are much more chilled out and can work things out more easily.
I am one of those people that don't like to flaunt my relationship. My boyfriend and I waited for a little while before we told anyone we were dating, because we are private people, and we wanted to see if we were sure this was what we wanted before we told everyone.
Now that everyone knows, we don't act much different. Above all, we are friends first, so its easy for us to just act that way. We will occasionally kiss or hold hands, but nothing ridiculous. We are pretty comfortable around my family - we allow ourselves a little more PDA there- cuddling on the couch, little more kissing, etc.
I think the only thing different when we are hanging out with single friends is that we, (or I, at least) tend to not be so "couple-y". I don't want one of my single friends to feel awkward or left out. We aren't super PDA to begin with, but we hold back a little more when not around other couples.
I havent seen none of his friends before, and he rarely sees mine either
My boyfriend and I aren't much of a couple infront of school friends or our mutual friends but we're comfortable in privacy.
With my school friends, C and I just basically talk like old friends. With our mutual friends we're somewhat more coupley in the sense that we're closer and tease each other since our mutual group of friends are taken. We date within our mutual friend group I guess? haha
maybe with your mutual friends, it's easier to be herself so she is going to act like herself, but when with other people she doesn't know as much she's going to be different. it could also be the other people influencing her behavior.
Ummmm...okipokes, I am always the same with my SO no matter where or with who i'm with....pet names and all. I don't embarrass him at all...Maybe you guys should try being how you are with each other all the time, with whoever and where ever...i'm just saying...i'm not sure if i am making sense or not but yeah, try to be the same in every situation...but that may be too much right now so you guys should take baby steps. what matters is that you guys are together.
it should always depend on the situation. you wouldnt want your friends to feel left out when youre together in a group. youalso dont want your friends to give you too much space tht youre always left alone two of you.
i actually kinda do feel that way in my group of friends. i try not to be so clingy or attached in front of our friends
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