Sunday, 11 September 2011
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Facebook and Relationships
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now and he's at college and I'm still in high school. We're still together and everything is going great. We talked about, before he left, that if anything were to happen or if he were to find another girl for him to just be honest and tell me. He agreed to that and I did as well. And I trust him completely that he would be straight up with me.He came home last weekend and it was amazing. And now that he's gone again, I miss him sooo much. I tell him pretty much every day and he does too and I can truly tell he means it.
So I get onto Facebook today and I went to my profile just clicking around and whatnot and I noticed at the top where it says my school and where I work and stuff and my relationship status that his tagged name was gone. it just said in a relationship, instead of his in a relationship with so and so.
Very confused, I went to his page and his relationship status was gone. He didn't go to single or anything, it's just like he took it off. This kind of upset me.. why would he do that?
Now a few questions for you.
Am I overreacting? Do I say something to him? How do you feel about Facebook interfering with relationships and the whole relationship status thing?
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- From: LeahMaryxO
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Comments (68)
Perhaps, not to scare you, but it might mean he doesn't want other people (and girls) to see that he is in a relationship. It is college, after all, where you get a once-in-lifetime chance to hook up randomly with no attachments. I never did that because I don't believe in random hookups, but I do know a lot of guys and girls who do. But the best way to find your answer is to talk to him and find out why.
overreacting. maybe he wants to protect his privacy. i know i took that off for a long time just for that reason alone.
Not to scare you, but I know someone who did that and it was his way of ending the relationship. You need to talk to him about it.
@xvietcharmsx@xanga - I don't think she's overreacting. He shouldn't have put it on there in the first place if he wanted privacy. Plenty of people (guys and girls alike), have removed their relationship status on Facebook as a way of ending the relationship without telling the other person.
I would think something is up. That is a drastic change and you are not overreacting especially since you had it on there publicly for a long time from before. A perfect example of why I want to deactivate facebook because of things like this happening.
@xvietcharmsx@xanga - She's not overreacting. If he wants to protect his privacy, perhaps he should private everything or deactivate his FB account. If that's the only thing he removed, well, ain't that something!
Anyways, I agree with @laytexduckie@xanga that the best way to know is to ask him and see what's up. I can understand if BOTH of you just had "in a relationship" before he went to college, but him removing his tagged name and not displaying his martial status is kind of.. weird.
I have to say it seems like a bad sign. A guy I knew did that because he was cheating on his girlfriend and by having his relationship status hidden the other girls didn't know he was in a relationship. But then again my best friends boyfriend had to take his off because of his family. So just ask him straight up. His response will tell you better than anything. When asking try and ask casually, not accusely, just outa curiosity kinda thing. If his reasoning sounds shaddy its cause he probably is being shaddy.
I would be worried too if my bf did that.... So don't freak out on him or anything, just straight up ask him calmly and ask for an honest answer. If his answer sounds sketchy, then you can really worry and keep an eye/ear out on what he's doing...
You deserve better, you are young right now and don't see that. He is in college and guys are too young at that stage in their life to be serious with anyone. Punch him in the face and go get some icecream.
A bad sign. You need to get a legit answer for why he did it or make him change it back. Or dipset on him.
It's a little weird, just ask him why. When my boyfriend and I broke up and then got back together we both left our facebook statuses alone (they don't say anything about relationships now)... we kind of keep our business private. My guess would be that he didn't want to limit the possibilities of new people talking to him just because he had a girlfriend. It's likely that he's realizing there are some new experiences to be had in college. My two cents.
@missbarbie08@xanga - wow, really? Punch him and end the relationship for that? Wow...
My boyfriend did that. . . after he broke up with me. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't want people to know about our "issues" until we finished working everything out. And we're continuing to do so. I completely understand where he's coming from. . . But if you DON'T have his facebook password, you should probably get that. There shouldn't be anything to hide. . .right?
Facebook has new privacy functions where you can hide your relationship status (no pun intended). It would delete it from their page, but it would still show on yours.
This is definitely a red flag, definitely see what is going on. Besides, if he does want to end it do you really want to be with a immature kid who isn't enough of a man to do it in person?
I think not.
I would feel the same, but I'd try to take a few deep breaths and look at things from his perspective before saying anything.
id freak out too. not a good sign to me.
@written_conversations@xanga - I don't know if she's quoting this or not but, "If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't think of it when it's relevent. Seriously, just punch them in the face and go get some ice cream."
When someone does break your heart, it does sound like a nice idea.
@meaganbme93@xanga - why would you want to get his facebook password? Even if he has nothing to hide, it doesn't give a right to check his privacy....
I think he took it seriously when you guys said that IF you guys meet new people...I mean by removing it, he is opening new doors and not being known as the douche who has a girlfriend back home and still flirt with other girls.
@prettykay04@xanga - Every guy I've ever seriously dated gave me their passwords. I didn't have to ask for them. Guess different relationships work in different ways?
@meaganbme93@xanga - no of course, if you trust them, you can trust them with your password, my SO have my password & I have his. but I wouldn't go check his facebook. I mean that's his privacy and I wouldn't want to violate that. I think asking him straight up is more honest than snooping around.
I had a really bad experience with snooping around, so I don't want that ever happening ever again.
but i guess you are right, every relationship do work differently :)
Whoa. I think it's insane to EXPECT a SO to give you their password and you certainly shouldn't demand it. Either you trust someone (without having to have access to everything) or you don't and if you don't, you shouldn't be with them.
In response to the original poster, I don't think it's a big deal to not have a relationship status posted. A relationship is for the two of you, not to advertise to the world. As I said above, if you don't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them. That being said, you also shouldn't be with someone if you can't have an open, honest conversation about this with him. Simply ask. Tell him you thought it was strange and just want to make sure that there's no further meaning behind it.
@missbarbie08 "punch him in the face and go get some ice cream" bahahaha love this!!
i don't think you're overreacting but i've realized that if you want to know something, you need to ask. but does facebook's relationship status justify your relationship with your bf?
ask him
@design3rskyline@xanga - ooh, I'd never heard that before, haha, thanks :)