Saturday, 10 September 2011
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What if You Just Aren't Attracted to Him?
It's the first week of school and I arrived to my Biology Lab class late, rushing in due to my lack of understanding of the confusing campus layout. As I grab the first seat available at the table near the door, I couldn't help but notice the guy who is sitting across from me who keeps staring at me. I waited until he looked away from me to catch a glimpse, and saw that his appearance was nothing out of the ordinary. He looked like a kind of nerdy guy with a average haircut, glasses, cargo shorts and a polo. I just shrugged it off until he began to introduce himself, "Hi I'm T. What's your name?"
This is where it all began. Ever since this class when we met, I can kind of tell he has a crush on me by the way he stares at me, and the way he gives me compliments. Whenever he sees me his face instantly lights up, something that I've never seen a guy do before! Last class he stated that he liked my "blue" (and then pointed to my eyes, meaning eyeliner, since guys aren't really familiar with the technical term) :P He will also go out of his way to touch my arm while he speaking to me. He will walk me out of the class and hold doors open for me. Long story short, he is very attentive to my actions and says nice things to me.
While I love all the extra attention, there's a problem. I just don't think I'm attracted to him at all. Perhaps if I get to know him better I might begin to feel some attraction, but usually if I see a guy and I think he's amazing, I know I'm attracted to him in that instant I meet him or hang out with him. This guy totally digs things I have no care about, like anime and video games. I don't want to hurt his feelings by leading him on but I don't know what to say if he asks me out (I feel like this moment will approach sometime in the near future). I could always say I'm taken but I hate lying to people and I really don't want to just blow him off or be rude.
What do you do if you just aren't attracted to them? How do you politely tell someone that you just aren't the right one for them? Has this ever happened to you?
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- From: sleeping_on_the_edgeoftheworld@xanga
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Comments (17)
Dumping or being dumped is terrible but you just have to tell it like it is.
If he asks you out, politely decline. He sounds like a nice guy, so maybe you could try the friend route? Maybe make it clear that's all you want?
Honesty is best in these situations. It's much better to let him down gently than to lie or lead him on.
Just be honest. Turn him down gently, continue to be nice. You never know, you may grow attracted to him. But I wouldn't date him until or if that happens. Good luck.
if a guy that I barely know was going out of his way to touch my arm while talking to me, then that would be invading my personal space. if you don't gradually flinch away or make another body language gesture to let him know that you're not comfortable, then he'll think that you're being receptive to his flirtations or leading him on, and continue his behavior that is more than being on a platonic friend level. if I'm not interested in a guy in that way, I won't let him get touchy with me. something similar happened to me, where this geek, who sat next to me in class, had a crush on me, except he wasn't touchy, but he held doors open for me, said hi to me every time that he'd see me at the hallways, insisted on letting me cut in front of him in line-he'd see me and reserved a space for me, so why not
, then when he stood behind me, he acted very nervous and I could tell that he liked me. this led to him waiting outside the gates for me after school, offering to give me a ride home, and I'd accept a few times when the weather was too severe for me to walk in the lightning thunderstorms. so he knew where I lived, which I thought nothing of since he seemed harmless, which he was, but who knows, some other guys might be creepy and react differently when rejected. I didn't know how to tell him either because I was younger, naive and enjoyed the attention, too. he also gave me these quirky gifts and flowers-I accepted all of it, why not
he didn't get the chance to ask me out though but I think he wanted to. I moved later and never saw him again. if he asks you out, just say that you're not interested.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - Probably would have helped to read the article :)
Stuff like this happens all the time, I wouldn't sweat it! Make sure you show your flattered by him asking which ensures the experience is positive while the answer is negative. Don't mention you find him unattractive or that he is physically unattractive etc. You don't have to give him an overlong explanation. Just a "oh that is very flattering but I don't feel that way about you" will suffice, then get out of there to allow him to keep his dignity. He will react neutral to badly to the rejection, but it should be a pretty harmless event, and the positive experience (asking a girl is a hurdle all guys need to take) will allow him to repeat it in the future with a girl who does like him. Your very considerate for wanting to minimize the damage :) You are a good person.
@Footballblogs@xanga - I did read the article. So your condescending arrogance is uncalled for. You are obviously completely inexperienced in the ways of love.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace@xanga - Ahhh right so by dumping you mean being rejected? Could have just said so without trying to put me down! I have only ever heard dumping being used to describe splitting up from a relationship, so your comment confused me. Having read it back with this amendment, I say fair play, except you can tell it like it is in a positive way! Also just as a thing I use smiley faces to advertise positive/unoffensive sentences. I don't use them cynically, or at least I try not too. Looks like our wires got crossed, and I am sorry for that :)
Just politely decline. It stinks, but life will continue.
And yes, I have had this happened before. I just said something along the lines of, "I'm really flattered you feel that way about me, but I just don't feel a connection with us. I think we're better off as friends, and I'm sure you'll find someone great for you!"
then it just won't work...
Well, I had a good friend of mine ask me out and although I wasn't attracted to him, I wanted to give him a chance and see if I could learn or grow to be attracted to him...well that epically failed, but luckily he saw it wasn't working as well and we had a mutual break up...but couple months later, he asks me out again (saying that he missed me and stuff). However, I politely declined telling him that I don't feel like it would work out between us since we're better off just being friends. He accepted that response (though he did ask me if I would at least go to prom with him which I did to make it less painful on him... ) We are still buddies, but not as close as we used to be
Just tell him you aren't interested. My friend has the same problem, where she'll have guy after guy be interested in her, but she isn't interested in them. And she can't work up the courage to tell them she isn't interested, but at the same time she keeps talking to them in her normal way (which may be misleading to some guys) and they mistake it as her being interested. I have heard and seen more than a few hearts get broken, and she always feels so bad for doing it. I think it's best to just go straight for it and tell him you're not interested. It'll keep things from being a lot more awkward in the future.
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Yeah, that sux. This is the kind of shit I usually have the honor to deal with in terms of guys. I'd either make something up like, "i just got out of a shitty relationship and am not looking to date for awhile," or be honest and say "I think I'd like us better as friends."
Trust me, there needs to be attraction for it to work.
just tell him you dont see him in that kind of way and youd rather be good friends instead
Give him a chance. May be it'll at least end as a nice friendship. But be gently honest. Tell him, you're not exactly attracted, you just want to give him a chance.