Ever drive yourself insane by over-thinking about what might happen if you make the wrong move? I tend to do so all the time, since I'm an over-analyzer. Here's my situation:
Just recently, I told someone that I liked them. She was someone whom I've known for a very long time (almost 11 years). I liked her when I first met her and I like her now. She's always been a sweet girl and whenever we have a conversation, I always enjoy it. She also knows my mom pretty well since she is one of her clients (my mom is a beautician). We haven't seen each other for about 8 years since she transferred to another high school and then eventually to a university about 6 hours away. However, we've kept in contact over Facebook.
The problem that I'm facing is that after I revealed how I felt about her, she simply stated that she wanted to be single for a bit (which was the reason why she broke up with her recent boyfriend). She did say that she was flattered, though. The tricky part is that she didn't rule out any possible connection in the future. And, I asked myself if I was willing to wait until she decides to break her hiatus or not. A part of me wants to wait since she's been someone that I've liked for a long time. A part of me says that I shouldn't because even if she does break out of her hiatus, she might get back together with her recent ex.
Then I started to think about what would result if I were to decide not to wait. If I were to move on and start dating someone else, how would she perceive it? If she did have an interest in dating me a little bit later, would this be something that can really pain her? Or would she understand that she missed her chance with me? Or would it show that I'm merely just going after someone for the sake of being with someone (which is not the case at all)?
Is there also something wrong about liking two or more people at once? While some people can't help their attractions, depending on who they go after first, it can put forth an image that the second person was merely a backup, regardless of how much that person liked them.
So, I ask you:
would it be stupid of me to wait for her to come around? If I choose to move on, how much time should be given before dating someone else?
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Comments (9)
I'm like you, I over-analyze way too much. I can tell you right now though, not a good idea to wait.
Go out start dating people and just see what's out there. The added experience is a plus and you won't have that sense of desperation that inevitably comes from waiting for just that one person (a.k.a lack of options).
You two were never dating and you don't even know how she feels, so what's the point in waiting around for something that might not even exist? In a sense your almost punishing yourself.
So it's not even "Move On", although I know what you mean as I have been in a similar situation before, just go out and enjoy yourself. Of course you can still talk to her, flirt, etc. but if your sitting around waiting for her you lose a lot of your interesting qualities that would probably attract her in the first place.
In short, I won't say that your stupid but perhaps a little naive. You've put way too much weight on the situation which, speaking from my own experience, will kill it before anything even begins.
Be around and emphasize that you care for her, but don't wait. Meet people. If you don't find anyone that you could see yourself feeling more attracted to than her, then don't date them.... but don't sit around saying " I will wayt 4 u 4ever" when in the end she may just not want to date you, resulting in years of wasted time and effort.
Start flirting with her friends and make sure she notices. Her reaction will tell you what you need to know.
You shouldn't have to put your life on hold for her and she shouldn't expect you to.
Move on. It's never worth it to wait. If it's meant to be it will happen.
from this, it sounds that you confessed to her at a time when she had just broken up with her boyfriend, so it might explain why she wants to be "single" for a bit. right now what she really needs would be a friend to help her through her "vulnerable" stage, so i think you should play that role now instead of thinking of starting a relationship with her. it's definitely not going to be pleasant for you if she ends up getting back with her ex, but you should be prepared for that :)
and i don't think it's silly to like more than one person at the same time - it's natural.
If I put myself in her shoes and told you, "I'm better off single for the moment" declining your offer to go steady, it means I'm probably not that into you. Doesn't mean I never will be, but you're not my first pick at the current moment.
I would not wait for her. However, maybe its good to wait a few months before publicly displaying a new love interest, so she doesn't assume you're just out there to date just anyone. Go on with your life, a single guy who sulks and waits all day for some girl, is not appealing to anyone.
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