Thursday, 08 September 2011

• My Hopes are So High That Your Kiss Might Kill Me

  
  Anyone who's been out in the dating world for a significant period of time has had one of those dates, summed up by the Dashboard Confessional song "Hands Down." You just met someone, there's that spark between you (or at least you think so), and you're on that perfect date. It might be simple, like sitting in the guy's car talking and kissing, and it might even be raining, like the song goes. Hell, I've had that exact date. I'll call him CH (not his real initials).
  

  He was my first real date after my only serious relationship ended two months before. CH was quiet, which caused me to ramble a bit, having grown accustomed to my ex boyfriend's constant chatter. But he was also one of those guys who your mom would love because he seems so sweet, and he genuinely listened and added the occasional funny remark.

  I was still reeling from the breakup, having tried to get my ex back and failing miserably (more on that later). But the date with CH was so simple and nice, after a complicated long distance relationship that ended with many tears on my end, he was exactly what I needed. I won't lie, I started fantasizing that CH and I would get serious and maybe get married, but I'm just a hopeless romantic/kind of bat shit crazy.
  

  Even without thinking about that, sitting in his car by 'the magical forest,' (a glimpse of two trees through the concrete of the parking garage we were sitting in after getting chicken quesadillas and a beer at a pub) waiting for him to kiss me, was one of those perfect dating moments that make the confusion and heartache which inevitably go along with the process worthwhile. CH put on "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith and then asked to kiss me. I shrugged my shoulders, smiled and leaned toward him a bit. It was even raining, just like in the Dashboard song.

  Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember
  I'll always remember the sound of the stereo
  The dim of the soft lights
  The scent of your hair
  That you twirled in your fingers
  And the time on the clock
  
  When we realized it's so late
  And this walk that we shared together
  And the streets were wet
  And the gate was locked
  So I jumped it
  And I let you in
  
  And you stood at your door
  With your hands on my waist
  And you kissed me
  Like you meant it
  
  And I knew
  That you meant it

  He wasn't even a good kisser. I knew that, and the Aerosmith song was a pretty cheesy move, one he might have pulled on at least one prior girl. But after two months of being more heartbroken than I ever imagined I could be, and being proven wrong by the one guy I'd ever fully trusted not to hurt me, the gods of dating owed me. When you lose someone great, it can be hard to imagine liking someone else, kissing someone else, feeling that spark again. But just when you want to give up hope and buy a bunch of tiny dogs to fill the void, whatever good dating karma you may have thrown out there comes back to you. 

  As I'm sure you've already guessed, things didn't work out between CH and me. We went on another date, the next day actually, and I realized that there wasn't anything between us - nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and even that initial spark of chemistry seemed to have been false. We didn't talk again. We both knew. Even though I was a little sad, I was grateful for the experience.
  

  I'd had good first dates, ones much better than the one with CH, but then again, I had never abandoned my faith in love so fully before. So in my mind, that date, the one that so closely mirrored "Hands Down," that made me happy to be single and having these exciting moments of newness again, was perfect.

  Have you ever experienced similar moments?
  

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