Wednesday, 07 September 2011
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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.I've been dating my boyfriend for about two years now. We have been inseparable since the moment we met and moved in shortly after. Everything was great the first year but the second, problems started to surface. He still talked to his exes and girls on Facebook, gchat etc. This made me so upset but didn't have the nerve to tell him that I knew about this. Many of our arguments were due to this, although he had no idea how I knew.
Slowly but surely i started to lose a lot of my confidence in myself as well as our relationship. Whenever I ask about work he gives me short answers. Whenever he mentions a girl at work he freaks out when I ask more questions. The other day he blew up saying that he is worried about my health as well as how protective I am over him. He asked me what I would do if we were to break up.
He asked if he should be scared if that was ever to happen. I'm so confused over why he would even bring this up in a hypothetical way... and expect me to not react.
I'm not sure what the heck is going on here and it would be helpful to have some advice.
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Comments (20)
I used to say that to my ex.. "what would you do if we broke up?" because I wanted to break up, but thought he would hurt himself.
As for talking to his exes on Facebook, was he clear that he was still friends with his exes when the relationship started? And as for the other girls, are they just friends? How much of the conversations do you monitor and what kind of things are they talking about?
What it sounds like is that you two will need to sit down and talk about where your relationship is going. Tell each other what is going on and be honest with each other. Is there something missing that used to bring you two together earlier in the relationship? Has he been going under a lot of stress recently, maybe at school or at work? How do you feel about the relationship and where it might head if it continues along this path?
The point is to open up the communication between you two and figure out what is causing you two to fight. And after knowing what it might be, decide mutually if a break would be healthy for the relationship.
he is scared that if he breaks up with you that you'll flip out and bust the windows out his car like that one song
although I understand why you'd be angry-I'd be angry, too, if he was intentionally flirting with other women behind my back and then get angry at me
it seems like you like him more than he likes you. maybe he wants to breakup but is a wuss or he is greedy and still wants you because he enjoys knowing that you're jealous and he also likes the attention from the other girls. he seems inconsiderate and disrespectful.
that's a sign to walk away from the relationship. do it now before you get in too deep. if a person loves you, he'd never ask you that ever.
i think u guys should break up.
It sounds like he wants to find a reason to let you go and isn't sure how to do so
If you don't trust him, why are you with him? He prob feels you don't trust him, so maybe he's gonna break up sooner or later...i mean what's the point of you two together if you are constantly worried...If you want to continue you need to talk to him, heart to heart and try to figure out a solution. If not, i would advise to end it.
hang on. all he did was "talk" to other women and you're flipping out?
unless he was flirting with them, you're the one in the wrong here by spying and snooping in places that you do NOT belong.
you probably should break up, at least until you learn how to be more trusting.
Well, clearly you have trust issues and he senses that as well. Have you discussed with him how you feel about him chatting with these other girls? For all you know, it's just decent conversation, in which you have no business snooping around like that. Undeserved mistrust and insecure behavior gets old really fast. It's suffocating, actually, to be constantly under the microscope and have a magnifying glass rammed down one's throat every time they so much as lift a finger.
Maybe you do have good reason to be mistrustful. I don't really know the full story there. But either way if you can't trust him, there's no sense in continuing a relationship with each other. It just gets uglier until one of you does call it quits.
I was in a relationship VERY similar to this one. Personally, I did some more dirty digging, and found more red flags than had originally waved themselves in plain view.. but I had the problem too that it still was not "concrete" and it could easily be turned on myself being "too territorial" or something -
All in all, we ended up breaking up later and I found out that all of my previous suspicions were true. I think if you have things coming up like this, and if he is submitting that kind of hypothetical questioning - there are probably some deeper things going on and you shouldn't be wasting your time with it. Remember that you have suspicion and insecurities with reason, so if he is asking you "why are you being this way" - it is due to cause and effect.
Chalk it up to hey, we had a good run, and now I'm done. That's my advice. Otherwise the situation will continue to torture yourself and him. If later on he decides you are worth proving his faithfulness to you without a doubt, then it will work out. But you do need to let him know that you need security in a dedicated relationship, and if that's not there after two years, you can look elsewhere. Good luck :]
Here's your first mistake in this relationship, you got into a relationship and moved in with him without getting to really know each other and establish that foundation of friendship and trust. Secondly, you were not honest with him about what was bothering you and making you upset.
Am I the only one that feels just a little bad for this woman's boyfriend?
Your boyfriend is talking to other women and a few ex's, wow, shocking. As long as they're just friendly chats, it's fine. If they're not, you left out a key detail and we can't really give you proper advice can we? So for right now I'm going to assume that they're just friendly chats and your being incredibly insecure and jealous.
So here's my advice, GET OVER YOURSELF! Go see a therapist, do some self help work, and be honest with your boyfriend about what's upsetting you and then start making up for your crappy behavior.
Right now he probably wants to break up with you, he just doesn't know how and is justifiably afraid of what your reaction will be due to your nutty and jealous behavior. My guess is those conversations with his ex's and other women were originally and completely harmless. But now that you've acted this way he's probably starting to think of going to or back to one of those women. As for the short answers about work or his day, what would you do if he was on your case 24/7? You'd keep it short, simple, and avoid anything that might cause another fight.
In short, stop acting so crazy and get a grip, sit down and talk with your boyfriend, have an honest, direct, and CALM conversation with him about how you both feel, and figure it out from there.
Its over. The honeymoon period was all that sustained you guys, and now you can see how incompatible you are. Break it off.
Its not over. Try and remember what attracted you to him in the first place. Do something different. Break the routine. Remember he hasn't done anything bad. If you calm down, distance yourself a little, and do some fun stuff (and have some fun sex) then things will improve.
The above two statements are both true. Now it all comes down to how YOU feel, whether YOU feel you can return to happiness with him, and whether HE wants to follow you. Take a fews days a lone to try and work out your feelings, then talk about it :)
The only other thing I can offer is this. Turn it up really loud and just go crazy. Listen to the first lyric it is relevant too :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbsdwP3I7_o
Sounds like you are so over-clingy and dependent that he thinks you will hurt yourself or him if he breaks up with you. Which, obviously, is what he wants to do. Dump him and move on, and refrain from doing anything crazy.
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You guys either need to seriously communicate or you need to break up. You both can't be in the relationship as it stands now. If you guys want to fix it, you can. It will take a lot of work. If one of you does not want to put that amount of work in, then it is just best to break up.
I would have said something to him. For you all to be dating two years, there should be more trust in this relationship. I have trust issues, and so many insecurities. My boyfriend realizes this about me, and he copes with it, and knows not to talk to girls any more than I would want him to. I think your boyfriend needs to cope with you as well, if he really loved you he would understand. And I use to ask my ex's what would they do if we ever broke up too, and that was because I actually WANTED to break up. Maybe you should just sit down and talk about this to him. Tell him that you see that he has been talking to girls via internet and you don't really like that. I would definitely find out what he is saying to these girls though. (If you haven't already.) He could be just friends with them. Or, he could be flirting, and starting to like a girl over the internet. And that might explain why he has been cold to you. I think you just need to talk to him about it. If he doesn't like it, you deserve better, and a more understanding guy. Good luck!
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i really think you guys should break up...obviously if he's acting this way especially when you ask questions he just doesnt trust you or thinks the other way. also if he seems to act this way then he most likely has something to hide
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