Wednesday, 07 September 2011
There are certain times in life where we pine for the true love Disney princesses and romantic comedies promise. And then there are other times where we really could care less about dating and simply want to get laid.
I found myself in this state after breaking up with a boyfriend. I knew I wasn’t in a place to see anyone seriously. I wanted to cultivate my interests, hobbies, work on my career, ie, live the life plan described in the Destiny’s Child song “Independent Women.”
Two men came into my life around the same time. We will call them Jebediah and Ephram because I feel that pseudonyms today have an embarrassing lack of creative pizzazz.
Both things began casually, but at a certain point I didn’t want to keep seeing them simultaneously. (Call me a prude, but sometimes you only need one booty call at a time.)
Of the two, Jebediah was a much better human being, objectively speaking. He was good-natured, sweet, and easygoing. I didn’t find him that physically attractive, but I felt that his other qualities made up for it. He would take me out for drinks and dinner, took a genuine interest in my life, etc. But even my casual relationship with him was lacking in several ways. For starters, I’m pretty sure he was brain dead. He told me he couldn’t remember ever finishing a book. For me, this was a huge turn off, considering I want to be a writer and reading sort of comes with the territory. Our conversations never went anywhere beyond the surface level “how was your day?” We didn’t relate to each other in a real way.
Ephram, on the other hand, was basically a deadbeat jerk. He had anger management issues, he lived with his parents, was debatably an alcoholic, and lost his third job waiting tables. Deep down Ephram wasn’t a bad guy, and he was certainly physically attractive, but he couldn’t get his life together. Given all of that, Ephram opened up to me, and the times we spent together were enjoyable, genuine, and honest. We had very deep conversations, which made the time we spent together the perfect blend of casual yet meaningful.
Things came to a front when Jebediah began texting me constantly. What pushed me over the edge was the way he approached the situation. He knew I did not want anything serious, and rather than sitting me down and having an honest conversation about it, he would constantly text me when drunk things like “I raellyyy likee u!” all spelled wrong, and then writing it off in person when I tried to discuss it. He was no longer respecting how I felt and instead, in a juvenile fashion, attempted to push the relationship further.
Of the two men, there was no doubt that Jebediah was a better guy. But the timing was completely off, and I had to end things with him and pick the guy who was ostensibly “worse.” (Granted, both in the long run would be terrible for me.) It’s an interesting scenario when you’re not looking for anything serious, because you might have to pick people who kind of suck in order to protect you/others from developing those pesky emotions when you’re not in a place to properly handle them.
How do you choose your casual hook ups? Have you ever selected a partner you knew wasn't right for you so that you wouldn't develop feelings?