Wednesday, 07 September 2011

  • X-Rated Pics and Relationships

    I pulsed last night, asking what people think about sending revealing pictures to your significant other.  In this very non-scientific poll, I had about a half and half response.  Interestingly to me, the two that responded that yes, they do or have sent them were either military themselves or their significant other was. 

    I will say this from the start- I have only sent pictures in one relationship- my current one.  My boyfriend is in the Army and is currently in Iraq.  I'm not sure I ever planned to send him pictures...it just sort of happened.  But I don't regret it.

    The main reason people seem to give for NOT sending pictures is you never know who is going to see them.  Whether you break up and your ex decides to get revenge, or even less sinister than that, what if someone picks up their phone and snoops?  They are good reasons, I suppose.  But I think the reasons for doing it in the right circumstances can outweigh that. 

    So, here's my take.  The why and the why not.

    Let's start with why not.  You shouldn't send overly revealing pictures via phone, email or other electronic means if:

    1. You are under 18.  It's actually illegal and beyond that, if that weren't enough, you are too young to determine someone's trustworthy-ness.  I am not one to pull out the 'too young' for anything excuse.  I think our teens are way ahead of where I was when I was a teen.  But still, there is no accounting for time being needed for brains and sense of right and wrong to develop. 
    2. No matter the age, you shouldn't do it if you've just met the person.  There is NO way you can know if they are trustworthy.
    3. If the other person isn't willing to reciprocate.  Sort of a twisted Golden Rule maybe...but to me, it is just a sure-fire way to determine the person's intent.

    Okay, and now for why I personally choose to do it.  Obviously, the above criteria are met, but here's the rest of my reasoning:

    1. For long distance relationships, there are precious few options to maintain a sense of intimacy.  You can't touch each other.  You can't have any form of physical relationship.  Sending pictures back and forth is one way to remind each other what you are waiting for when you are reunited.
    2. In my situation, my boyfriend is in Iraq.  He has a ton of stress and life threatening situations to deal with.  There isn't a whole lot of things I can do to help him.  Providing him with 'distractions' is one way I can.  
    3. As far as who might accidentally see them- I've never sent them to his phone, as he doesn't have one in Iraq.  And I know he guards his laptop very seriously.  That's why passwords have been created.  And I wonder if this actually happens all that often.  Just feels a bit more like an urban legend to me with just enough reported sightings to keep people convinced it's inevitable to happen.
    4. He gladly reciprocates.  And while I trust him 100% to never do anything mean with my pictures, there's some comfort in knowing I could easily retaliate.  Sort of like nuclear powers and mutually assured destruction.  He'll likely never strike first knowing I could strike back with equal force. 
    5. We have discussed continuing when he comes home and I've agreed.  It's something that we have enjoyed while apart and I think it's a fun thing no matter where we are. 

    So, that's my take on the whole thing. Would love to know your thoughts.

    Would you send revealing pictures to a significant other?  Have you ever personally experienced the pictures falling in the wrong hands?  Have you sent them to someone and later regretted it?

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Comments (42)

  • Finding_Vanessa@xanga

    my boyfriend recently told me he is going to be going to afganistan for 6 months. im so worried, im going to miss him so much! i probabaly will send pictures or write him dirty stories. but i will find it hard to be positive when talking to him, when really all i know i will want to say is GET THE FUCK HOME. :( 
  • deepfriedchickenpox@xanga

    Hmm. I have sent/given my boyfriend those kinds of pictures, only because I know he is the one- I know he would never show anyone- and it's hot. It's been a long time since I felt liberated in my body, comfortable with who I am, and sexy. Since I was assaulted it's been hard for me to be touched, but now with him I can't get enough. I'm proud of the progress I've made, and hey- Pictures are good because you can take as many as you want and delete all of the ones you don't like without anyone ever seeing them! :P
    And I've never been in the army- Neither has my boyfriend.
  • deepfriedchickenpox@xanga

    But yes also- I have had pictures taken of me WHILE underage, because I had no other option in the lifestyle I lead. And it was very horrible and I hope they never turn up. If they do there is nothing you can really do about it- Who's to say you were 'forced'? How can you prove that if you look willing in the photographs?
    In general, I wouldn't reccomend sending X rated photos, but there ARE circumstances.
  • number9

    We did it when we were LDR and we still sometimes do it now as a kind of an art.  It gives us a chance to be our vain selves for each other, haha.   No military experience.
  • reesa14@xanga

    I give my boyfriend pictures quite often and I pretty much see him everyday. Why do I do it? Because I'd rather him be getting off to me than some porn he's found. Because I love him, because I know that he enjoys it, and that most importantly, I know that he isn't the type of man to seek revenge if something were to go wrong. Maybe it's naive, maybe it's still not worth the risk, but I enjoy what the pictures provide for our relationship.

  • repressedsex@xanga

    @Finding_Vanessa@xanga - Oh girl, I hear you. My man is Iraq.  I won't lie it's hard.  What helps me (beyond sending and receiving pics!) is to try and think in terms of what will help him the most.  And often, I have to ask him that.  When he gets really quiet for instance, I've learned to ask if he needs to go and be alone (though I'd give anything for even another minute) or if he just wants to listen to me babble.  I wasn't sure I could do it either, but if he's worth it, he's worth it.  And I bet you'll make it, too.  Oh and last piece of unsolicited advice- it's ok to say you miss him and can't wait for him to come home.  My advice is to just try and be positive about it (saying something like, "I miss your touch so much I'll have a hard time keeping my hands off you when you come home) instead of whiny and depressing (ie, I cry every night because I miss you too much.  I can't take it.) Hope that helps and if not, just ignore me. :D

    @deepfriedchickenpox@xanga - I'm sorry you experienced any of that, but so glad you are recovering and in a safe and loving relationship.  And if those do surface- it really shouldn't matter if you were willing- you were too young to legally give consent.

    @number9 - Most military relationships involve tons of time apart so they share a lot with LDRs.  And I agree- it can be fun to pose vainly for the camera.  :D

    @reesa14@xanga - EXACTLY!  My guy and I actually talked really early on about porn. That I was 'ok' with the fact that he watched because I did, too.  But just recently he said he almost never watches anymore.  I seriously didn't get why.  He said, Duh I have everything you give me which is a million times better!  :D
  • deepfriedchickenpox@xanga

    @number9 - I really like this opinion.


    @reesa14@xanga - I feel exactly the same as you on this matter.
  • WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption@xanga

    I wouldn't.
  • xraindropsonroses@xanga

    ;)

    No regrets.

  • aCe_KeiAnar@xanga

    I'm totally for it.

    Though, if your pictures get leaked or seen, it's a lot less likely an error and more likely a Soldier, Seaman, Airman or Marine just bragging to their buddies. Honestly, none of us go snooping around actively in each others PCs, unless we borrow it, or a hard drive with said content. Most people are savvy enough to hide them well, some people keep them in obvious and easily accessible places. I just don't think there's much coincidence or accident in someone finding those types of things on a computer.

    I, personally, am the more technically savvy of my branch of service ...I don't use that savvy to hide anything, rather, I just use common sense, bury things in folders you'd think not to look, named in very PC ergonomic types of ways... :P They're not very well hidden, but you're going to have a hard time find them.

    With that being said: Ladies, I will be more than obliged to receive and hide your photos on my laptop. Please send a message for further contact and scandalous picture forwarding details.
  • ccccourage@xanga

    I've done it. I see is as a form of flirting, or as a gift. They are more cheesecake than porn.
  • Kill_GaryLarson@xanga

    I do it all the time. My boyfriend is in Mexico right now and I know it's the best way to deal with things. You just have to do everything you can to make things easier.
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    I have but it was bodyshots and not obvious who the person is. we take it a bit further and it isn't limited to pics but vids because pics got boring and action vids are more stimulating than still pics. looking at pics doesn't do much for me but vids is another thing he is hot as a pornstar so that's why he's so proud to participate. he is more than willing to reciprocate, so I don't think he'll post anything since we have leverage on each other. I can tell that he trusts me completely because his face is in some of his media actually I have the upper hand we aren't military. just naughty it is our form of foreplay when we can't see each other due to schedule clashes. some guys in my past were shy or didn't trust me, so this form of flirting didn't happen. those guys were rather boring.
  • repressedsex@xanga

    @aCe_KeiAnar@xanga - Ha! Good luck with that request.  :D

    @ccccourage@xanga - Funny you should say gift- my boyfriend's birthday is the end of this month but he can't get mail anymore...so I'm sending him an email a day all month to make up for it.  His gift is 30 days of pictures from me. lol

    @Kill_GaryLarson@xanga - Exactly.

    @P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - We do videos, too.  :D 

  • superGchik@xanga

    i sent it to my ex when we were together all the time but i don't know if he deleted them or not, may be has bc he thinks i'm the worst person alive now.
  • xcrownedhopeless

    I've sent pictures that were provocative but not nude. I did end up doing a "cam show", if you will, for a friend who I was interested in not long after I turned 19 and deeply regret it today (he ended up taking pictures without my knowledge). I don't know of the pictures getting into the "wrong hands" but still not knowing if he does share it with his friends (we stopped talking on very bad terms) and whatever else still really bothers me. I definitely regret it. Will I do it with an SO now or in the future? I can't say, I can't predict the future but I don't intend on it at this moment. Even though the circumstances are slightly different (actually being in a relationship) I just don't want to take the chance. I like being able to come up with scenarios in my head for next time I'll see my SO and I certainly remember what he looked like before I left...I don't need pictures to help me out. I don't know, that's just my two cents. :) I definitely don't judge or feel negatively towards anyone who does do it. I appreciate the thought behind it but it's just not for me.
  • written_conversations@xanga

    I do it, but I make sure it's JUST my body and not my face, and that any distinguishing features aren't in the photos, so you really can't tell it's me.
  • addicted2tats@xanga

    Guilty 
  • WaitingToShrug@xanga

    I have done it. My husband was in Iraq twice. No regrets. :)

  • sweetpoops@xanga

    I don't agree with your first reason to do it. I think there is a problem if that is what your are looking forward to when you reunite. although I realize I could have misinterperated what I have read or maybe you did not get the meaning out. I do agree that it helps with intimacy in LDR. although I would say do not do it unless you have been with them for some time.

    I was in the marines as a machine gunner and went to iraq twice. with that said I am going to tell you all something that has come to my knowledge many girlfriends and wives seem to not know. Unless this man in your life is in a infantry related feild, machine guns, mortars ect.. they are not in danager. This is to include 95% of the lazy people in motor transportation units. I can not tell you how many times I have come on to base for the sole purpose of getting gas for vehicles and other supplys before I head back out to where we actually fight and hear P.O.Gs ( people other then grunts) talk about how bad and dangerous it is. So know this unless they are in the infantry related feild they are lieing to you. also Iraq has been a safe place for the most part since late 2008. we have not even been allowed to go into the citys since then as well. if your b/f or husband is there now, it is not dangerous and he is fine. he is either getting fat from eating at that chow hall or he is getting ripped from doing steroids and going to the gym 3 times a day.

    Now my opinion on sending these pictures is yes I support it. I can say 50% or less for sexual reasons. I happen to love how every inch of my girlfriend looks and simply can not get enough. we have known eachother for 7 years and have been together for 4 including 3 of which I was in the marines for. I still can't get enough of her beauty.

    Now I must advise that you need to really know the man you are doing this with. my girlfriend and I started doing this a little before we started dating but we did know eachother for awhile before that. I can't tell you how many times guys have showed me pictures of their g/fs and sometimes wives. It depends on the person I guess. I would never ever show anyone anything my girlfriend had sent me. and it has not happened but if someone were to somehow get a hold of my phone ( which is closely gaurded and security locked) make no mistake the outcome would be overly violent. but that is just me.

    I hope I have helped someone in their thought process to or not to do this and to ease concerns of anyone who may have a b/f or husband in the military.
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  • repressedsex@xanga

    @sweetpoops@xanga - I don't want to get into an argument with you over anything but I do have to respectfully disagree with your statement that if you are on a base you are safe.  While it might be 'more' dangerous to be in the infantry, bases are hit on a regular basis with indirect fire. Where my man is stationed they receive indirect fire on a nearly daily basis.  Thankfully, nine times out of ten they miss, but they do hit.  And so far, in the few months he's been there two men have died as a result.  I don't take his word for it- as he wasn't even the one to tell me.  He likes to down play the danger to try to keep me from worrying.  I wonder how the wives/girlfriends of those two men, and any others who likewise died on base due to indirect fire would feel to hear you say their men weren't in danger.  Trying to one up anyone in a war zone regarding your job or where you go is just ignorant and serves no purpose.  I'm not even sure why you felt the need to say that.

    As for the first point you made- that is certainly not the ONLY thing I look forward to having my man home for.  I want him home safe, period.  I can't wait to talk face to face.  Hold hands.  Sit under the stars and dream together.  I also can't wait to have him in my arms and yes, in my bed. 

  • CallmeLady187@xanga

    I'll never do it again! 
    I was in a lengthy relationship (3 years) and he had multiple picture of me on his computer. When we broke up, the FIRST thing I did was go in and delete it all. I'm glad I did too, bc he threatened revenge with them and I chuckled because he didn't know they were gone yet. (He was mad when he had found out I already deleted them, also) 
  • sweetpoops@xanga

    @repressedsex@xanga - I didn't mean that to be personal nor am I trying to one up anyone. A base over there consists of thusands of people. The chance of someone getting hit by those sad attempts to lob a mortar or round over the wall are about the chance you would have to get hit by a car. all these bases are filled with giant concrete walls that in most cases over 40 feet tall. That prevent people from taking any injurys from these attacks. these walls surround  every building,tent, and trailor. today literally the streets of america are more dangerous then a base in iraq at this current time. no need to get offended it is just a fact.
  • sweetpoops@xanga

    I said it so they could feel better of course. maybe I conveyed that the wrong way.

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