Wednesday, 07 September 2011
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Who Do You Turn to When Your Dating Life Sucks?
My best friend E. and I had to part once again to our respective colleges last week. Before she left, we were totally having one of those #BFFMoments, saying things along the lines of, "What would I have done without you my whole life?" and the more humorous, "How did you tolerate me for all these years?!"
E. has been by my side ever since my first longer-than-a-week crush (now they go to college together!) up until now, dating my current boyfriend. Those years in between were filled with lots of drama, and E. always found herself to be sort of in the middle of things, since she was often friends with the guys I got involved with. If she didn't know them personally, she might as well have from all the detailed stories I told her every day.
That latter question was inspired by recollecting how many shitshows I've gotten myself into thanks to a tumultuous dating experience thus far, peppered with lots of bad decisions and regrets. I always called E. every time I cried over getting hurt, and she was the one who stayed on the phone with me until I felt better, no matter what hour of the day it was.
When everyone else was sick of me bitching about my love life--which I'm sure she was sick of hearing as well but will never tell me that--she continued to check in with me every day and listened to me if I wanted to talk. Considering how much of a trainwreck I was, I was really lucky to have her.
She's given me countless hours (that probably amount to weeks and months now, after all these years) of advice and continues to be my voice of reason when I decide to stifle my own. If I ever need to make a big decision concerning my relationship, she's my go-to girl.
Who do you go to when you need advice on dating/love/sex? Do you like to deal with these problems on your own first, or do you try to get a third party to look at the situation?
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (16)
It's not who I turn to, but what. A gallon of peanut butter ice cream and a really big spoon. Ahhh the mortar for the cracks in my heart.
I have gotten some really terrible advice on what to do with guys in my day.
Definitely on my own. Taking too much advice from your friends can not only create more drama, it can estrange you from who you're seeing., especially if your social groups have any sort of crossover. Not only has it been a problem for me, I know how his friends used to talk about me and I don't appreciate that. No one can really experience it but you.
i used to go to my best friend, but she sort of slowly stopped talking to me for no reason :( now i feel kind of empty. i mean i have other friends but i don't know how much i trust their advice compared to hers, you know?
@Superman_aka_NEPP@xanga - Ya'know, incorporating a gallon of peanut butter ice cream and a really big spoon might actually improve your dating/love/sex life. :P
I tend to be someone that people would come to whenever they are facing relationship woes. As for me, I usually talk to 2 or 3 of my best friends (mostly girls). My brother and I aren't very open to each other about our dating lives since we each have a different approach; he's the "stop crying and forget about it" type while I'm the "I need to sort out what's going on and go from there" type of guy.
i definately do things based on whats right for me. third parties do not help
I went to my best friend and sister. Learned the hard way that third person advice is only good when used as a perspective, not as the truth.
I rant to my best friends on email. I turn to them to have someone to listen and sympathize. Not so much for the advice... Although they've given me some wonderful advice that I truly appreciate. :) It was enough just to know that people cared. :)
my bff...she's been through what i'm going thru now so she completely understands me.
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Surprisingly, some of my ex'es and I are still very close friends. Occasionally I will turn to them to advice, and they do the same for me. It works well if you can have that kind of friendship with an ex, or any guy friend. :]
My female friends and I don't usually offer advice. We just tell eachother we deserve better, and guys are jerks, and all of that other fill-in kind of talk that just makes us feel better.
no one. one of my cousins is too young and wouldn't understand some things and the other doesn't believe in the traditional relationship. as for friends, i haven't had an actual conversation with any of them in 2 years. so i'll just let it all build up, cry my eyes out every now and then, and try to move on or fix things myself.
wow she must be a really great friend! i go to mine as well and we understand each other
Dating websites are a really good choice. At first I thought that only old people use them (no offense meant!) but once I started using them "just for fun" I realized that it's actually very easy to meet people like yourself on these sites. One tip I'd give you is to stay on the paid sites and here's why. Free sites don't check their members' validity, people on free sites aren't serious, you'll have to deal with a lot of foreigners. Paying the fee will make the experience much more enjoyable.
P.S. I also placed a link (should be next to my name) to some reviews that I used in the past to figure out how to get started.