Tuesday, 06 September 2011
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Losing My Virginity: Expectations VS Reality
A little background information before I dive into the main point of this blog entry:
My boyfriend and I have been "kinda dating" for a year. Which means we were friends with benefits, basically. We were kinda dating but weren't fully committed. We have been "officially dating" for four months. He lives back in my hometown while I go to a college that is three hours away. I visit home a couple times every month and we work hard to maintain our relationship. But that's another post for another day.
We were both virgins and we both had little sexual experience. I had had boyfriends in the past, but I never got past having them grab my ass and a little dry humping. Over the course of our relationship, my boyfriend and I experienced a lot of firsts with each other. He was the first one to finger me and give me oral. I was the first one to give him a hand job and blow job.
Last week, we started talking about sex. It's something that we both like to talk about despite our lack of experience. But nonetheless, the subject came up and I told him that I wouldn't mind losing my virginity to him. He expressed the same feelings and we decided then that we would have sex for the first time. We didn't set a date, but we knew it would happen soon.
I decided to visit home for labor day weekend since I didn't have class on Monday (today). We had a nice little reunion on Saturday and I spent the night at his house (something I love doing) but we didn't mention sex.
Sunday came around and I went to his house. Sex had been on my mind all week and I was feeling anxious. We started getting heavy when I couldn't take it any longer.
"I want it, but..." I started to say.
'But, what?' You're thinking to yourself. Well, I had all of these expectations on my first time and I was apprehensive that they wouldn't pan out. I think we all have these certain expectations of what will happen during our first time. Rose petals trails leading to the bed, immersed with candlelight. Something steamy and passionate rolling underneath the sheets. Romantic and sweet words whispered in your lover's ear as you reach your climatic ending...
My Expectations:Now, I wasn't expecting some romance novel come to life or anything cheesy like that. I knew that I wasn't going to orgasm my first time because I had heard that most women didn't. I knew there was going to be some pain, and I knew there was going to be some awkwardness. That couldn't be avoided.
But I was expecting us to be getting intimate on his bed, skin grazing against skin, hummingbird heartbeats, and steamy breath while we swam through the oceans of his sheets. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that I only wanted to be with him. That I trusted him and cared about him and I wanted nothing more than to give myself to him. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and that I was the only girl in the world for him. That his world became that much brighter and better ever since I came into his life.
And I wanted to spend the night afterwards. I knew that I would want to stay there with him throughout the night after having such a close and intimate experience with each other. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his beautiful and comforting smile in the morning.
The Reality:For starters, I didn't get to spend the night. This was something that I really wanted. But, my parents were driving me back to school the next morning and he had to get up early to visit a friend of his out of town. This was happening at around midnight. Spending the night just wasn't a smart option. And I told him this. And he was extremely patient; never once pressuring me to do something I didn't want to do. He was fine with either way; of either waiting or doing it then. He wanted me to make the decision because it was so important to me and we wanted to make sure I was ready.
But, I knew that I wouldn't be able to wait any longer. I had been thinking about it for quite some time. Thoughts about it just amplified when we had confirmed our plans. I knew it was going to drive me crazy until the next time I saw him.
So I told him I was ready.
We had to wait for his parents to go to bed. Yes, he is 25 years old and lives in his parents' basement. I love him anyway.
But once they did go to bed, we went to his bedroom, picking out the right condom beforehand.
We started getting heavy, doing our thing. He asks once more if I was sure. And I told him yes.
And it was awkward. We both had no idea what we were doing. He kept slipping out of me and he kept losing his erection because he was getting a little frustrated. We had to stop a couple of times so he could get hard again and so we could figure out just where everything went.
And it hurt. It hurt a lot at first. At one point, I was just thinking, 'Okay, I don't even want to do this anymore. I can stay a virgin forever, right? Ow.'
But he was patient and gentle. He constantly made sure I was comfortable and that I wasn't in too much pain. And after getting used to the pain, it started to even feel okay. Maybe even a little bit enjoyable. Despite the awkwardness.
And even though I tried and tried to say, "I love you," the words just would not come out of my mouth. I was feeling scared. What would he say back? I mean, he obviously loves me at least a little bit, otherwise he wouldn't be giving himself to me, right? And yet, I just could not say it. So I was a little disappointed in me for that as well.
But despite facing the harsh reality of first-time sex, I am glad it happened. And I'm glad it happened with him. Because despite how awkward and painful and anti-climatic it was, I still love him and I love being able to share that experience with him.
Plus, this means we can practice more and more until we get it right. ;)
Do/did you have any expectations on losing your virginity? Did losing your virginity go the way you wanted it to?
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- From: AccioDoubleStuffed@xanga
- Name: Kaleigh
- About Me: You'd think that killing people would make them like you but it doesn't. It just makes them dead.
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Comments (117)
The guy I lost my virginity to (my boyfriend) wasn't a virgin and I think that was a plus for both of us. As special as it may be to both be virgins, I liked being with someone experienced. We both knew for weeks ahead of time when it was going to happen. I didn't really have any expectations, but I knew it would be wonderful. We took our time (from start to finish was nearly two hours) and he made sure I orgasmed before intercourse, because we both knew it probably wouldn't happen then. The only bad thing (and it wasn't even really "bad", just unexpected) was that when he tried to enter me it was so painful for me that we couldn't do it. I ended up having to finish him with a HJ. The first seven or eight times we had sex it was too painful for me to have him enter me/thrust, but each time I let him go in slowly and eventually we were able to have sex normally, and it started to feel good.
My boyfriend exceeded my expectations. Emotionally everything was fantastic. Physically though eh. Neither of use finished (it hurt too much for me to let him finish) and it took a lot of struggling.
Despite the things that didn't happen that you wanted to glad your looking at your experience positively :)
I didn't really know what to expect but I'd have to say that even with low/no expectations the first time was pretty awful. Thankfully, with time, practice and being able to trust my partner that sex did become a pleasurable activity.
expectations kill any experience. i didnt have any, but it was awesome. honestly one of my top sexual experiences. really magic beautiful and amazing- there wasnt any awkwardness- it reaally hurt- it was kind of funny at times. and he was great.
Mine hurt the whole time. He didn't ask if I was okay, he didn't make sure I was comfortable, and he wasn't gentle either. He just kind of went at it, and when he was done he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't remember if I had any expectations or not. It wasn't phenomenal to say the least though my first time. Although, I've had some phenomenal times after the guy I was with for my first time! Lol I have to agree with @xxfl1@xanga have expectation does kill any experience. But for me a dreamer it's hard not to have expectations at times. And something like that you imagine for quite awhile.
I thought it was going to be very awkward and very painful. But it wasn't.I would actually consider my first time kinda perfect. :) It lasted way longer than I thought it would and there was some pain but not too bad and then I guess since there was no awkwardness it was diminished with the fact that we both loved each other and were 100% ready for it.
so how do you make it as painless as possible for the girl? lubricant?
I hated my first time. I wasn't ready, it hurt like a bitch, and quite honestly, I didn't want to do it.
Just like anyone else, we all want to lose our virginity to someone special. I was a virgin until 21! The person I lost it too may not be my significant other but rather a great friend. It wasn't awkward, it was passionate. Just because we weren't in love with each other doesn't make it anymore less amazing. I don't regret any of it.
@Trigger821@xanga - Just be slow and gentle. If the problem is too much friction, then yes, lubricant. However, many girls still have hymens when they lose their virginity and tearing those can be very painful.
When I lost my virginity, it was unfathomably painful and I was on the verge of tears. We were both virgins, so it was fairly awkward. I've also had the experience of taking the virginity of someone else, which I thought was fun. I liked being able to teach him.
I lost my virginity a week after I turned fourteen. It did not happen the way I ever would've thought. The guy was eighteen, I was an eighth grader, and he was a senior. Right there explains that something is not right with a guy for him to be messing around with a fourteen year old, and him being eighteen. I was JAILBAIT. But yeah, I had a crush on him at first, he was a cute SENIOR talking to just a plain eighth grader. We didn't even talk in person yet, either. Just looked at each other
through school hours, and talked over the internet, and exchanged
numbers. He told me to go to a basketball game at school, and of course; I agreed. Anything to see him! And so I dressed all cutesy and everything, he knew I was a virgin, and the day before the basketball game we talked about him taking my virginity. I wanted to lose it, everyone around me seemed like they were losing theirs. I felt left out, a loner, a freak. So when I got to the game he told me to meet me outside the school, down to the local library. I knew what he was wanting when I was heading down there, but I told myself that I would never get the nerve to go that far anyways. When I got there to him, he made me kiss him, he gradually went farther & farther , til he tried taking off my pants. I said to him, 'No, I'm not ready. Don't.' He kept going, and was being aggressive. I kept saying no, and pushed away, he did not cooperate. I thought about running away from him; anything to get farther away. But it was too late, I was too worried everyone would know about it. He took my virginity. I regret every minute of it. I would have loved for the love of my life to take my virginity, just like I took his. Everyone-- If you're a virgin, be proud.♥
@kaylalilly@xanga - that's rape.
Amongst my friends at the time, I was one of the few who didn't have sex yet. And I was still quite young. Fourteen almost fifteen. Most of my friends were telling me their first experiences hurt like hell except for two of them. When it was my turn, these two were telling me what steps I should take to make it a wonderful experience. I must admit I had all these fancy notions of hearing bells and whistles, but it wasn't like that at all. It didn't hurt, though, but I did feel this intense pressure. Overall, it was an enjoyable experience. The next time I did it, it was SO good, I couldn't wait to do it again.
I waited until I was 18 to lose it. No specific reason why, just everytime I went to go further with someone else, just wasn't the right time/didn't feel right.
I had started talking to this one kid who didn't really know me (but similar group of friends), so it was great to be with someone who didn't see me as "the only virgin girl left in the group." Eventually, one thing led to another and he's undressing me and things are moving fast and I'm thinking, "Is this how I want my first time to be? In a dark bedroom with The Hangover playing in the background? I have guy friends to do this for me, ones who will make it special and magical and rememberable." But then he kissed me again and I realized that this was exactly how I wanted it to be because I never thought of losing my virginity as something special and magical. It was a part of life I knew had to be done eventually.
So he's trying to put it in and it's not really working so I'm thinking, "Fuck, I need to tell him." So I stop him and I'm like, "Listen, I'm still a virgin..." and he got this surprised look on his face like, "really?" I didn't want to tell him because I didn't think it'd be a problem, but obviously it was lol. So I got on top and he let me take it as slow as I wanted and made it super comfortable for me. I fought through the pain (more like extreme discomfort) and he finished. I wanted to work through it so next time it might not be as bad as it was the first time.
I don't regret it. I'm really happy it happened the way it did, and not when I was drunk one night at a party that I wouldn't have remembered the next morning.
@Trigger821@xanga - Yes.
@kaylalilly@xanga - That's a hell of a story to put up non-anonymously on a public forum. O_O
wow, thanks for being so thorough with your description. i'm still a virgin, and i'm definitely terrified of sex :) but at least now i feel like i know what to expect!
The only thing I knew to expect was a bit of pain. Other then that I tried to keep in mind that most things are different for everyone. I was anxious but not nearly as much as I was with guys beforehand that I planned to give it up to but it didn't feel right to lose it to them. So I do recommend to anyone that when you first do it, lose it to someone you can trust and feel comfortable with. The other times after you have gotten used to it doesn't matter if you're in love with them. But the first time I am so glad I chose to share it with someone I knew for a fact would be patient and gentle with me.
"I mean, he obviously loves me at least a little bit, otherwise he wouldn't be giving himself to me, right?" ..What?? I was 19 when I first had sex, but I definitely didn't love the guy, nor did I feel that I was giving myself to him. Growing up, I had always assumed I'd wait til my wedding night and it'd be like something out of a book, but it was really just painful. I remember staring at the ceiling waiting for it to be over. But it got better, of course.
I happy to see so many people who lost their virginities to such caring guys =)
Im 23 and still a virgin. I havent been with anyone for a while, and I really wish I lost it to my boyfriend in high school. He was pretty much perfect, so caring, I know he wouldve been a great person to have my first time with. Now I feel like its too late.
@shatteredmoonbeams@xanga - It's never too late :) you will have this moment with someone just as caring if not more :)
You don't find many 25 year old virgins these days.
Anyway, I have one question. You waited a whole year to have sex with him, but couldnt wait a little longer when it was a good night? It seems like you had all the pieces of a really really really good first time, but you kinda threw it out the window by picking a day where you both had to get up early and starting at midnight, then going home after. A lot of non-virgin couples would probably not have sex under those circumstances. Next time you do it I strongly suggest making a while night out of it and damn the whole next day too!
I lost my virginity to a guy that didn't care about me, because I was so heartbroken over breaking up with my ex that nothing mattered. it wasn't a big deal, but I wish I'd lost it to the ex, cause I know it would've been TONS better.