Tuesday, 06 September 2011
I'm 22 years old and got engaged recently. my fiance and I are in a long distance relationship, he's always been very very good to me, we get along well, we have excellent communication, and we're in contact at ALL times. He's on a plane at least once every two months to see me, we do video chat in the day and the rest of time we're on the phone.
I have never had a problem trusting him in the past because of the fact that we're always in touch. He loves me very much and I love him just as much. When he came the last time to see me he left his email open on my laptop. I don't usually close tabs and he didn't close the window so it was just there. A few days after he left, I was about to open my own email when i noticed his was open. I didn't think anything at the time because he does business and most of his emails are work related.
I noticed there was an option in mail where I could view his conversations on Yahoo Chat. I was not going to go through his conversations because there were a lot of video calls from me and private messages. I did, however... because I was curious to know who he spoke to on messenger. When I went through his conversations I was most shocked at what I had discovered. I saw conversations between him and random girls online... girls he claimed were his friends.
He was flirting with them and this one girl he had liked in the past, he was talking to about sex and so on and about how he missed her. He asked her if she still loved him! These conversations were during the time he was in a relationship with me, most of the conversations were short but it hurt a lot when I read those things. I confronted him that same evening about what I had seen.
I asked him about the conversations and sent them to him so that he couldn't deny what I was saying. I asked him how he could have betrayed me that way, I felt like what we had was all a lie, like it never existed. All the confidence I had in him was instantly broken and everything gone, all the love I had for him turned into hate at that moment. I was very furious and told him that I was going to leave him.
He of course called many times and said he was extremely sorry for what had happened. He said that he was bored and said useless things to these girls to see how far they'd go and that he didn't mean anything by the conversations, because these girls lived in different countries. I honestly know that he loves me but it's so hard to trust him again. Now every time his phone rings I'm suspicious because I tend to want to know who's texting him.
He cleaned up his Yahoo list and so on. Things have gotten better since I discovered these hurtful conversations and i'm trying to forget about these things. He has tried his best to make me feel better but I still think that he texts these girls sometimes. I ask him and he says he doesn't but I don't know what to believe. What hurt the most is that he is my first boyfriend and I never expected him to do this to me. Even if he's never physically cheated on me, I felt betrayed by what I saw and I just don't know how to handle situations anymore because everything eventually turns into an argument.
He tries to make me feel better by staying calm but I just don't know how to forget about what happened.