Tuesday, 06 September 2011
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My First Real "gettinghitonatabar" Experience
Since we were both home for Labor Day weekend, my friend invited me out to one of the hometown bars for some girl time/our karaoke debut. The place wasn't too packed, which was nice, but busy enough to people watch and get a real cheer after a mediocre vocal performance. With about 25 minutes before my self-given curfew to spare, a group of guys took their seats at the table behind us and talked with us.
One in particular was trying a bit more to get to know me than most strangers do. He was pleasant to talk to and was very curious about why I was there, where I went to school, what I studied, and what my interests were. He asked about my opera ambitions, and I think he's the first non-musician that asked and took genuine interest when I explained what voice type I was and what I wanted to do after I graduate (which can be a tedious, boring story to those that aren't knowledgeable in the field.)
Of course, he told me his story as well (which I won't reveal for his privacy.) He then offered to buy me a drink, and kindly brought me a pop when I explained I would be driving home soon. He told me I had a pretty smile. He hinted at getting my number.
Here's the catch- I have a wonderful boyfriend that I am madly in love with. Of course, I wasn't there to cheat or cause a scandal. I enjoy talking to new people, and of course I'm not going to turn down a beverage. I stayed modest and kind, but didn't attempt to give him the wrong idea.
I could have told him that I was taken, but I left that detail out and simply explained that I would be going back to school after the weekend was over, so my number wouldn't be incredibly appealing. I figured that approach wouldn't lower confidence and would keep me from looking like a total jerk (I was convinced I didn't flirt, but with the whole number question, I didn't want to look I led him on just to drop him off a cliff.) He was also from out of town, so my explanation was well accepted.
He then said something I don't hear every day. He told me I wasn't like other girls, that I wasn't one-night-stand material.
"You're the girl that guys want to get to know and date."
I was extremely flattered by this, and my self-esteem shot through the ceiling. Mild, innocent me blushed and told him he was very sweet as I gathered my things to leave... late for my self-given curfew.
Thank you, stranger at the bar, for being so sweet. You made me feel pretty and special, and you made me blush like a school girl. I have no idea what your original intentions were, but I had a great time talking with you.
Dear readers, I do have questions without some answers.
Did I handle this situation properly, especially considering that I have a boyfriend? Do you think I was leading him on? Is it wrong for someone who's in a relationship to accept drinks from those that are possibly "on the prowl?" Could this be viewed as cheating? Please, let me know what you think!
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About the Author
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- From: Mickeythegr8@xanga
- About Me: I am a college student in the Midwest. I'm studying vocal performance- I hope I can perform for you someday!
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Comments (14)
I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting a drink from someone else. It's not like he took you out for a romantic dinner - he talked to you at a bar and bought you a drink - it happens all the time! I think you handled it really well - good for you :)
i don't think you did anything wrong! you handled the situation well, i think, and it's nice to get that self-esteem boost. however, i think accepting drinks from guys IS a bit misleading. but as long as you lay it out that you aren't going to give out or accept a number, then i think it'll be all right. i don't think it's cheating, but i think accepting drinks can be taken the wrong way by people, especially the person interested in you.
There is nothing wrong with conversation, just as long as you keep it a friendly conversation. There wasn't any form of flirtatious touching or anything, so I think you handled the situation just fine.
I don't really know why you didn't tell him you were taken. Telling him wouldn't have hurt his confidence or made him think you were a jerk at all. To me, not telling somebody that was obviously interested in you that you are taken is leading him on. Sorry, but omitting you are taken kind of makes you a total jerk in my opinion. I hope this helps, because honesty is important and respected by a good man.
Yes, you were leading him on by not telling him you had a boyfriend and accepting the drink. No guy is buying someone a drink as a friendly gesture in a bar while asking for your phone number. I'm glad you had fun but I'm sure that guy went home feeling crappy he didn't get your number.
Telling a girl she isn't one night stand material is a line many (but not all) guys use as a way to get a girl into bed. lol Don't fall for it. :)
No, I don't think you were cheating though. You were just out having a nice night. But in that guy's eyes, you were leading him on.
Eh, you had a great time, and just leave it at that and try not to make it complicated.
id just upfront say "im taken".. and i wouldnt let someone buy me a drink. i can get one myself.
but i think your story was cute. and a good experience. im just saying in the future not mentioning your taken is kind of misleading because he was obviously there to meet someone available.
Some girls enjoy flirting and don't care if they're leading guys on, I guess. It depends on how comfortable your boyfriend is with you flirting. I mean it's pretty harmless if all you're doing is flirting while remaining loyal to your guy as long as he doesn't mind.
I dont think its anything wrong with the situation. Hey, if guys buys you drinks, accept them! you know much drinks cost now a days??!?!? it's not like you had sex with the guys right??
and flirting is a natural thing. some people don't realize that they're flirting.
i am completely shocked by how many people say it's ok to accept the drink. if he was a friend of yours, then absolutely there's no reason to not accept--but when you're in an environment where you know singles are looking to meet other singles, it was wrong of you to accept the drink. the fact that you had to ask us means that you felt uneasy about it in the first place. as @xsimplepleasuresx@xanga put it, i think you lead the guy on, and yes, i think you're a jerk (though i think you did it unintentionally).
on a separate note, who the fuck self-imposes a curfew on a weekend night?
if someone offers to buy you a drink, say thank you! who doesn't want a free drink. Guys should never assume that your acceptance of a drink gives them license to ASSume that you are fair game to hit on.
As for not telling him you have a boyfriend, you should have as soon as he hinted at getting your number.
While in studying in Spain during college, I was at a university town for 6 months, and in that time, I paid for 4 drinks! only four. Did I flirt and hit on or sleep with all those who bought me a drink? hell, no. did eveyone who offered me a drink attempt to hit on me? NO! the waiter would bring it, point to the one who sent it, and we'd raise our glasses across the floor, and that was it. could be he appreciated what I was wearing or just hey, you're in my class. At times it was the bartender, giving me the drinks, think he's got time to flirt beyond the time he's shaking my margarita?
My point is, just because he offered you a drink, doesn't mean he's paid for your number. And just because you're not available, doesn't mean you cant have a drink on other peoples dimes.
Again, you're not doing anything wrong until he started hinting for your number and you didn't tell him you weren't available.
Basically, you still lead him on to believe you were single by accepting a drink and not mentioning your boyfriend. Also, look at it this way, if your boyfriend was at the bar and did the same thing, what would you think of it? You would want your boyfriend to say, "back off, I have a girlfriend I love at home." Do you think that guy would've continued hanging around you if he knew you had a boyfriend? No, he isn't there to make friends, he wants sex. Boys will say ANYTHING to charm you.
As far as you cheating, I don't think you were. It was merely harmless. But still next time let a guy know you are in love with someone else, I think your boyfriend would appreciate that more.http://www.worldpopularshop.com/
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Chump! That guy is an idiot. I never let any girl use me for a free drink; it's like I'm BRIBING her to agree to go out with me or at least give me her phone number.