Sunday, 04 September 2011
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When You are Told "Sorry, I'm Too Busy to Hang Out/Talk," You Know It's Over
One of the most frustrating things about wanting to form a relationship with someone, or worse yet being in a relationship with someone, is when this someone keeps telling you he or she is too busy and overwhelmed with things, whether it be work, school, volunteering, family and/or friend commitments, etc. This is something no person ever wants to hear.
First of all, no one is ever so busy that he or she is way too busy to hang out for a short while or even talk for a few minutes. In fact, someone who is interested and attracted to you will go out of the way to make time for you. The way I see it, when someone says, "Sorry, I'm too busy to talk" or "Sorry, I'm too busy with this this and that to hang out" over a broad period of time, that's usually a nice way of saying "I'm not interested in you."
When you are told this, you could either drop this person like dead weight and move on to someone else, or you can wait things out to see if things with this person will look up. With the latter however, nine times out of ten you will be sadly disappointed.
When someone tells you that he or she is too busy to talk or hang out with you, how do you handle it? On the flip side, do you often tell someone you're too busy as a way of saying you're not interested in him or her?
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- From: Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga
- About Me: I have been using Xanga since August 2001 and have seen a lot of changes since then.
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Comments (68)
I absolutely hate it because sometimes they're too busy to talk and hang out with me because they're with their friends who they see all the time. Sometimes I understand, but when I catch them in a lie it just makes me question our friendship and when its with a girl I'm interested or with, it's just like...why are you lying about something like that? It's ridiculous. I can't expect my friends to always make time for me but every now and then is all im asking for
Oh I hate when they blow you off like that. But hey you deserve better. I dont want to be treated like a appetizer when I deserve the full meal. Move along.
I have a one week rule. If he doesn't make any time for me for a whole week then I move on. I don't dwell on whether he was not interested or too busy or didn't have the balls to reach out, because I know it's one of the 3 and I myself don't want to deal with any. If he's not interested, good riddens. If he's really that busy then he's not going to be able to give the kind of time I deserve. If he doesn't have balls then why am I even bothering? Takes balls to be with me ;]
I do use the "too busy" thing if I am indeed too busy and don't want them to think I'm blowing them off. But if I use it only when THEY reach out to ME and use it every time, then I'm trying to buy time and hope they find someone else to bother. I do have a lot on my plate but I'm capable of setting aside a night or two a week if it's important to me.
I think some people don't get the hint though, which can complicate matters.
Sometimes you really are busy. That should come through the next time you ask to hang out or if they ask and you agree to go. Just a matter of not creating a misunderstanding so they think you're blowing them off when you're not.
It's a white lie. I don't like white lies. I don't deal with people who continuously tell white lies. I don't think I've ever told someone that I was too busy, unless I really, really am too busy.
People who tell too many white lies are just selfish. They claim they don't want to hurt others, but what they really don't want to do is put themselves through anything difficult. Much better to just be honest.
the worst is when they say oh i'm busy but ask me next week...sigh
@mistermino@xanga - Actually, I think the worst is when someone says he or she can meet at the end of the month, you wait all month, and then just two days before that person cancels for some crazy excuse and postpones things until the following month only to do the same thing again. Yet that person can still find time to hang out with a friend.
No if I'm not interested in a person I simply tell them "Sorry I'm not interested in you anymore." I hate it when ppl string ppl along! If someone doesnt have time for me anymore i have learned that its best to move on.
Sometimes I'm actually busy, but I've also been guilty of using this as an excuse while trying to find a nice way to tell someone I'm not interested in them/don't want to see them anymore. I've gotten this from a few people and I often try to give them the benefit of the doubt...for a brief period of time. If they don't make any time for me within a couple of weeks or after I've tried to initiate plans a few times, I cut them loose. I, too, hate hearing "Oh, I'm so busy with this and that but I'll have more free time in X amount of weeks" and then when you're talking to them later on, they're always busy with their friends >.> It irks me, especially if they texted me first [sort of in that Well you have time to think about me and text me for several hours, but you can't be bothered to actually spend time with me line of thinking].
I can see being too busy once in a while or even for a few days at a time but if it becomes a habit of always putting you last on the list then you're right it's a sign that they're not interested in spending time with you. If someone tells me they're too busy I ask when better time would be or if they're busy with something I can help them with I offer to help. If I don't get a decisive answer I ask them to call me when they get some free time and then I write them off, unless they do call me.
I'm too busy right now to add anyone new to my agenda and I'm honest with people about that.
When my dad met my mom, she told him she couldn't date him because she was moving and starting pharmacy school, and that she simply didn't have time for him. Well, he managed to get her new address from a friend and showed up on her doorstep. She reiterated that she didn't have time for a boyfriend. He asked her if he promised to help her in school and not take away from study time, would she give him a chance. So she caved. Sometimes she had classes at the same time and he'd go to one and take notes while she was at the other and then he'd come teach her the material. Once, there was a concept she didn't understand and she asked him to explain it. He got up in front of the living room and started explaining it. Her roommate's jaw dropped. The roommate exclaimed that he must have been one of the few people listening in that class, because that was the lecture nearly verbatim.
They've been married 25 years.
Having just graduated from college with my B.S. in Molecular Biology and Microbiology, I really was too busy to hang out or talk. My boyfriend really wanted to be with me, and suffered through hours of studying and flash cards even though he had no idea what was going on.
If somebody says they're too busy, maybe you could find out what's eating their time and incorporate yourself into that activity.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - lol you could always expand on it, but the point was the being strung along part.
My ex did that for about two months towards the end of our relationship, but when I brought it up, he claimed I was over-sensitive. He'd randomly go days without talking to me, but he clearly had time to get on Facebook in that time. It was crazy. He obviously wasn't that busy and I resented all the bullshit. He's apologised since, but I told him it was too late. I don't like people who play games with my head and tell me one thing while doing another, and I broke up with him. I think it's really rude and pointless - if you're not interested/want to end things - just tell me and be honest, don't feed me bullshit and expect me to keep trying.
Often people are too busy to talk for longer than a little while.
Okay, I'm going to disagree with you here. It depends on the personalities of the people involved. I'm a borderline workaholic, and when I get in "work mode", I stay there, regardless of what's happening around me. I plan out exactly how much work (in this case, schoolwork) I want to get done in a day, and I make sure I finish what I plan before doing other stuff. If someone asks me to hang out during this period, unless it's an emergency or they truly need to talk to someone (due to emotional issues), I typically respond "Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now."
Despite this, I've been in a healthy relationship for three and a half years. I do often tell my girlfriend that I'm too busy to talk during the weekdays, and although she sometimes gets upset, she knows that I like getting my work done before Friday so we have the weekend to ourselves. It's just a matter of planning for me, not a matter of interest.
@Lalaleah_Love@xanga - but not constantly for weeks. If you're really into someone, you'd make time for then.
@makou3347@xanga - Yeah, but that's different. Sure, you're busy during the week but at least you have time during the weekend to do things, and at least you make an effort to get work done so you can make time. I'm talking about situations where someone is busy for weeks/months on end, and it's usually not so much that said person is busy as it is said person just wants to find ways to avoid you.
when some tells me that they're too busy to hangout with me after the 2nd time, i'm done and i move one. i don't bother to even call them up at all after that bc that's clearly a sign that they're not interested in me. i think there's only one time i've told someone that and he was pretty hurt bc he said that i should have came clean to him that i wasn't interested.
if he is so busy that he can't even spare a minute to text me what's up or say hi after I tried to contact him, then it is pretty much over and when he finally has time, I'm too busy talking to someone else
he might think his time is precious, but so is mine. then he'll ask me what happened or where did I go after I stopped talking to him in which I'll be too busy to reply:D
Before my ex and I ended, he would tell me that he needed more space from me so basically he didn't want to see me as much as we used to see each other, which was everyday. It got reduced to seeing each other 1-3x a week and the longest time we hadn't seen each other when we were still together was once in 2 weeks.. horrible. What could I really say though?
If you're not interested, just TELL them. I know TOO many people, myself included, that doesn't understand this subtle bullshit.
@CrystalisLeaves@xanga - Unfortunately people who are willing to do so are far and few.
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