Sunday, 04 September 2011

• Apples and Oranges: A Comparison of Past to Present Relationships

  

  
  Comparing past relationships to present ones is like comparing apples to oranges:  Because they're two entirely different entities, with different colors, textures, and tastes; the comparison is virtually meaningless.
  
  No two relationships are alike because each person in the relationship is unique.  Unfortunately, people tend to feel unhappy with new relationships because they don't measure up to what they had before. 
  
  Girl:  "Well, my last boyfriend always wrote me sweet notes, but this new guy doesn't do that.  It's disappointing."
  
  There are several ways I could respond to that statement:
  
  1) "If your last boyfriend was what you wanted, then why aren't you still with him?"
  2) "If this new guy isn't what you're looking for, then why are you dating him in the first place?"
  3) "Tell him what you want, what you really, really want!"  (Okay, that one was kind of a joke.)
  
  I think that it's okay to evaluate and learn from past relationships, but I don't think that it's healthy to hold that relationship or that person up to such a high standard that no one thereafter can ever reach it.  It's not fair to your current partner if s/he is always being measured up to someone else--an entirely different person whose qualities and quirks are unique to him/her.  Again, it's apples to oranges.
  
  My argument is this:  that the comparison should instead be made between what you have and what you want.  How well does your current partner measure up to what you want or who you want in a partner?  Does s/he meet your standards or expectations?  This, I think, is a valid, healthy, and necessary comparison--apples to apples, if you will--that can help us see if the relationship is really what you want or if you are settling for something less than you deserve.
  
  What do you think?
  

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