Friday, 02 September 2011
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Waking Up Alone
While my boyfriend and I were attending the same college, I slept over his apartment often. I enjoyed our random sleepovers, and waking up with him next to me gave me this feeling of security. Whenever I sleep alone in my own room, I have a lot of nightmares, but I have luckily never had one while sleeping next to him.
I slept over his apartment the other night, and woke up that next morning to see him getting ready to go to work. He's a teacher in New York City now, which means he has to get up before sunrise sometimes so he can be at his school before any students get there, and of course has to allot time for a substantial Subway ride and the walk to his school.
I thought he got back into bed with me for a little while--this may have just been my wishful thinking--but I woke up to a completely empty apartment.
My boyfriend left his key on his desk and texted me to remind me to lock his door before I left and asked to meet up for his key back after he was done with work. I paced around his apartment for a bit, looking at all his picture frames and getting a feel for the apartment he'd be spending the next year living in. It was much different his apartment in our college city, and while I'm bad at adjusting to change (anyone else hate it too?), I couldn't say I was upset about the inevitable change I know our relationship has to go through for this upcoming year.
I did have some trouble accepting what him being a teacher while I'm still in college meant for our relationship, but I'm excited for his new career. Back in high school he talked about how much he wanted to be a high school teacher, and now he's living his dream. I want to be as supportive as I can be. But it still sorta sucks to wake up alone after going to bed together.
I packed my stuff up, locked his apartment door, and took a walk around his neighborhood before heading Downtown listening to some Jason Mraz. I thought about how I felt waking up alone sometimes this past year, while my boyfriend was training for the Boston Marathon. Sometimes he'd get up as soon as the sun rose to go running if he knew he had a busy day ahead of him. If he tip-toed out to run without waking me up, I always felt kind of abandoned, but I always knew he'd crawl back into bed after his workout/shower within two hours. If I wake up alone now, it probably means I have to go on with my day either not seeing him for a few more weeks or much later in the day.
Do you ever go to bed with your SO and wake up alone? How do you feel?
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About the Author
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- From: dangelb
- About Me: My name means "daybreak" and I'm usually awake to watch the sunrise every morning. I'm a college student, obsessive tea drinker, and contemporary dancer. My first love was the piano before I learned how to love people. I love my R.O.B.--Really Outstanding Boyfriend--who gets just as excited as I do over antique books, soft-baked cookies, and Sporcle.
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Comments (53)
Aw I miss that feeling of waking up with someone in bed.
It used to bother me, but it doesn't now. Granted, I'm not in a serious relationship at the moment, but even when I am it still doesn't bother me. When it did, I also had issues with being in alone and felt like I HAD to be in a relationship. Now I am just as happy single as I am when I'm with someone, and I sleep just as well alone as I do next to my sweetie. ((Unless it's thundering)).
Note: I don't think being insecure alone and sleeping alone are related for everyone. I just think they were for me.
when me n my SO were together, he used to kiss me before leaving. it was awesome and i'd go back to sleep peacefully. when he didn't do that, i used to get worried something might've happened.
if i'm waking up to someone who's attractive without my buzz, i tend to just lay in bed and admire her while she's sleeping. no better time to do it.
my bf and i are in a long distance (about 400 miles) relationship while I'm at school :( this past summer we spent a lot of time together just cuddling, chilling, watching tv, movies, whatever. this is my first week back at school and it's been really hard to adjust to being alone and never getting hugs and not having someone to climb all over and feel close to. you're pretty lucky to be able to see your SO as often as every couple weeks at the latest. my bf and i have to go 3 months at the least before we can see each other again. but i mean, it's all worth it in the end isn't it? and you have to keep telling yourself that he'd be right there next to you if he could
I dated this guy once who hardly EVER talked about feelings or of anything of substantial value (well by my definition, at least). I had a hard time connecting with, which ultimately made me realize I didn't want to be with someone like him... but I digress. He was one of my favorite people to share a bed with because for a minute or even maybe for a few minutes (if I was lucky), sometimes first thing in the morning or really late in the evening or during the rare occassion we woke up together in the middle of the night he would say these things that made me realize he genuinely had a soul and feelings and actuall FELT things... he would usually say these things with his back to me, which usually resulted in me snuggling up behind him and listening and contributing as I felt necessary and for that very brief moment in time I felt like I was a part of his life, someone he could lean on... it really made me question what was going on in that brain of his all the time.
I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I remember these moments fondly and wish we had more of them. To this day, I can remember how it felt to be near him when he let his guard down and talked a bit... every little detail.... forever ingrained in my mind.
Back when my ex and I were together, we napped together quite a lot. Sadly I never got to stay over though he invited me many times to, so most of these naps took place in the morning, afternoon, evening, night but never overnight. I think this post of yours described his frustration._. he's the type who could sleep from morning 'til night yet I'm more active. I did enjoy spending time with him in bed, but I didn't want to waste the day away either. I know when he woke up alone, he was saddened. It was a big deal to him yet it wasn't a big deal to me.
I'm living with my boyfriend right now. His college started before mine, so he goes to class and I don't. I wake up without him here almost everyday.
Sometimes I'll sleep peacefully, but sometimes I'll wake up from a nightmare and he won't be here. It really sucks.I miss those days.... oh well!
Am I the only one who loves waking up by myself? :D I have a boyfriend and everything but... I just like hogging the bed all to myself :D Maybe its because my boyfriend tends to take up the whole space and like, does this leaning thing on me making me super uncomfy... Ha!.. With nightmares though, thats a little different.. I hate being by myself when I have nightmares :(
My boyfriend and I had been sleeping at his place at least four nights a week. then my roomie moved out and he started sleeping here 6 nights a week. I was like "why don't you just move in?" but he said no. He's been complaining about his living situation and also saying how much he loves to sleep here and with me. Now I have a new roomie and I told him we can't be playing house anymore. It's not fair to her to have him here all the time, I mean, sometimes people want to hang out in their jammies or whatever, and she shouldn't have to worry about him being here all the time. (his roomy doesn't care if I am there, they sort of have different suites, at my place we don't have that)
So, here we've been...waking up together nearly every day for months, and all of a sudden it's going to be us just being bf/gf...no more playing house. He is already feeling sorry for himself, and I am thinking that the relationship is going to take some back steps, because we wont have that sweet time together right before sleep and in the morning to talk about things, chat, and snuggle. I will miss that, and I think it's more than an indulgence, those things become an important part of the relationship and the communication etc.
So, I understand your reactions to the changes. It'd be nice to think a relationship is only what goes on between the two people, isolated from the big bad world, but the truth is that outside situations DO impact relationships. Sometimes in beneficial ways, sometimes not so beneficial, people like to say 'oh, we are more mature, more committed, etc" like they are immune, but no one is immune and no relationship is so totally perfect and independent that those things don't affect them. I think the fact that you are aware of this gives you a much clearer way of dealing with it. It doesn't spell diaster or anything, but it is a change, a sort of wistful thing. It'll be ok, but it will take some time to adjust.
I'm also a college student dating a high school teacher. I almost always sleep better when I'm with someone, and I do go stay at my boyfriend's house several nights a week. And I do wake up alone. When he gets out of bed in the morning, it usually wakes me up. Before he leaves he tells me goodbye, and I'm usually half-awake for that as well. When I wake up later and I'm alone, it usually doesn't bother me.
What gets to me much more than waking up in his house alone, is the fact that because of our jobs & responsibilities (especially his), we don't get to spend much time together these days. But it's okay, because this relationship is worth it to me.
-hale*
I can wake up alone, but I hate going to be alone.
Each day that I wake up alone, I know it's a new day. I can't expect him to lay with me until it's time for me to wake up. I actually like it bc I can sleep in any way on the bed as I like without him there.
This blog sounds kind of needy....
Anyway, I do enjoy the nights I get to spend with my bf, but if I wake up alone, no biggie. I don't need him around constantly. It just means I get to move into his side of the bed and sprawl out :)
@x_colormepretty_x@xanga - Haha, I do that too! He asked me why I do that once, and I replied "because it's warmer". He laughed, and compared me to a cat sleeping on top of a warm car bonnet.
I know my man always has a big day ahead in his line of work, so I make it a point to get up at least for a while to watch him polish off his breakfast, grab his gear and head out the door. Just so he can begin the day with a fond "see you when you get back" rather than a snore in response to "see you in a while babe."
When he goes to work. But at least I wake up for a bit when he goes. It would be really jarring if he just wasn't there when I woke up.
My boyfriend and I usually wake up at the same time, because we both work at 8am. I was taking a class for a month that started at 9:15, so I usually would wake up until 30 minutes after he left. He's always kiss me goodbye though, and that's all I needed. Obviously, its much nicer to wake up with someone, but the important thing is that you have them to go to bed with.
My boyfriend is moving 9 hours away in January, so I won't have either. And I won't be able to look forward to seeing him after work anymore. I'm trying to be thankful for what I have, because it could be (and will be) much worse.
I hate sleeping the night without him more than waking up without him, because I'm just so used to that comfort now. When he leaves he is always sure to kiss me goodbye, and I know he's always coming back, so while it's lonely it's okay for me.
-Katie
My bf would always wake me up to kiss me goodbye before he leaves. I have no problem falling asleep again and waking up alone.
He didn't do it one time because I went to bed very late. I didn't think that something was wrong, but I felt weird all day.
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I feel weird and confused when I fall asleep with someone next to me (not just a boyfriend, but even a friend) and they are gone when I wake up. I once passed out on my friend's couch after breakfast while my friends were getting their stuff together and woke up after everyone left. It just felt weird. But back to specifically boyfriends.
My last relationship my boyfriend would leave for Frisbee or something before I had to go to work, and I always asked him to kiss me goodbye (on the cheek, forehead, lips if he wants haha). Just giving me a nudge of "hey, I'm leaving" so I wouldn't wake up confused.
I would give anything to let it just be that, seriously, you're lucky if all it is, is going to bed with him and waking up without him. At least you're able to do that. I've been in a long distance relationship for a year, and I actually moved to his state a month ago and was there for a month but for certain private reasons, i'm back with my parents, 14 hours away. It sucks, I have to go to bed AND wake up without him, for I don't even know how long, we were trying for 6 months, but now I think I'm going to beauty school so I can get my career before going back down there, so it'll probably be almost another year. It's hard to do this when at one point you were always sleeping next to them and waking up next to them. Be lucky that's all you have.
it blows! my hubby is in the military so that's nearly an every morning thing >.< i understand where you're coming from
i thought i was the only one! but i can also wake up alone 'cuz he sleeps over like 2-3 times a week.. he's my snoring security blanket.. but if i'm not in my bed or his.. i'm not able to sleep.. i remember he was gone a few months and i decided to go visit him.. while he was up all night with his homies i tried to go to sleep because i was so tired but i couldn't.. so when he came to sleep.. i fell asleep right away..