Thursday, 01 September 2011
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Why I Fear for My Relationship: Greek Life
Even though we've been at our respective schools for a while now, my SO is planning to rush this semester. To be honest, I'm a little concerned. Many people might say that it's hard to trust someone who is in a sorority or a fraternity because of the partying and experiences that are stereotypical to Greek life. For me, however, it's not about that.I trust my SO as much as one can possibly trust another during an LDR. We've been dating for over two years and, for the most part, it's gone smoothly enough. It wouldn't be right of me to be irrational and claim that L (my SO) would cheat on me just because of Greek life. This certainly is not the case.
The root of my problems actually stems from the fact that rushing takes up a boatload of time. We're in an LDR and have been for the bulk of our relationship. I go to school in Massachusetts and L goes in Connecticut. It could be further, but it's far enough that day trips just don't happen. When we visit, it has to be for a chunk of the weekend (if not the whole weekend). So I'd say that L rushing gets in the way of our time together.
At the same time, though, it's completely unfair of me to ask that Greek life be overlooked. The truth is, I want L to be happy and if checking out (and possibly pursuing) Greek life can make that happen, then who am I to stand in the way?
Right now, it's just a concern. Rushing starts today and, for all I know, L could walk out after 10 minutes and say "damn, this shit is stupid," making my worries vanish. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering what if this doesn't happen? What if L loves it and, as a result, we hardly see each other all year?
Some people are really great at LDRs. I'd say I'm just okay at them. I know how to be faithful: I'm great at keeping my libido in control. If anyone in the world knows how to make time for his/her SO, it is I. I do everything in my power to assure that I lend at least a little time each day to spending time with my SO. In an LDR, this is difficult. So, I'm always sure that, when we video chat, I'm fully focused. But when it comes to going long periods of time apart, I get achy and frustrated. When it comes to relationships, I can be very hands on.
I know I should stick it out, and I have every intention of doing so. I haven't really voiced my thoughts with L because I don't want the experience of rushing to be tainted by my fears.
What would you do? Is it wrong of me to be concerned?
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About the Author
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (9)
And what if he loves it, and includes you in everything he possibly can?
I'm Greek and yes, it does take up a chunk of your time. BUT it also depends on how involved he wants to be. If he wants to be president of his chapter, then he will be super busy. or if he wants to be involved occasionally, then he will still have plenty of time. Perhaps if you tell him that you want him to go for it but are worried about missing out on time with him, he will work harder to include you in the other things that go in in Greek life.
I'm not in a sorority and my boyfriend is not in a fraternity and NEVER would be haha. We are in a LDR though and have minimal time to talk to each other. We talk on the phone every other day for the most part and text randomly throughout the day. It does suck, but he's busy with work and his band thing and I'm busy with school, work, and volunteering. It is hard, but it gets easier and it makes the time we have to talk a lot more interesting. We have a lot more to talk about when we do talk. As for Greek life, I have a lot of friends in the sororities at my university and a few in the fraternities. They are really sweet nice people. I know people in the Greek life that are in LDR's and their relationships are all fine. Sometimes they come out for the dances and formals they have. I wouldn't be super concerned at the moment unless you start noticing things, but you could always tell him how you feel. You guys have been dating for two years and he should understand how you feel without feeling like you're jumping to conclusions or thinking the worse of him. It's just a concern and maybe if he knows it from the beginning he'll keep it in mind.
I'd say that it isn't wrong of you to worry. My boyfriend and I are on completely different terms of education right now- I'm going into the Air Force and he's already at UA in Tuscon. Just go with the flow, I suppose; if your SO ends up being a pledge, and you realize that you don't like it, simply explain why you think different paths is better.
Coming from experience, you should be very concerned. Last year my ex boyfriend pledged for a Fraternity. I begged him not to because I heard horrible things about how much they change people. Usually frat boys love the greek life and prefer to be single. My ex constantly reassured me everything was going to be fine and our relationship would be fine. It wasn't, at all. It took up all his time and he watched the other guys be single and he wanted to be single. So we broke up. And now he's a complete ASSHOLE and all he cares about is who he's going to have sex with next and getting fucked up drunk everyday. I don't know you personally or your SO, so I can't be sure how it will affect your SO. But coming from experience, it's not a good thing. Just be take caution and expect the worst but pray for the best.!!
Coming from my experience of being in a sorority, I think you should let her. You can be as involved or uninvolved in your chapter as you want. A lot of the girls here are in very serious relationships (last semester one left because she was engaged and wanted to live with her fiance. Just last week another girl got engaged to a boy in one of the fraternities on campus.) One of my sisters is in an LDR and when he's not at boot camp, she goes home to see him pretty much every weekend. Those who say that Greek life changed their SO, had a jerk for a boyfriend to begin with. There are some frat boys who are douches, sure. But some of the nicest gentleman and finest ladies are Greek.
my ex is going to a fraternity, it's perfect for him, he's an asshole already, he'll fit right in
If I were you, I would probably be feeling concerned and, like you, I'd be trying to hide it as best as I could. If you trust and love your SO then I think you are doing the best you can right now by allowing them explore and experience life without standing in their way. All I can say to comfort you is that my best friend in college was in a sorority ( I wasn't) and yet we still managed to spend a lot of time together on the weekend. Like someone above said, you really only have to put in as much time as you want to.
I really hope everything works out for you!
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Yeah. You have to see what kind of guy your boyfriend is before he goes greek. You can just tell which ones are the guys who would definitely cheat on you physically (usually the ones who are insecure, who wish they were really cool but aren't exactly alpha males).
My boyfriend's the kind of guy who's really confident about who he is. Not cocky in an immature way, but just very secure about himself. I think he's going to be fine. My ex on the other hand...basked in female attention because he needed a way to make himself feel like more of a man.