Thursday, 01 September 2011
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Dating Enigmas: The Phone Call That Never Comes
Here is my biggest dating pet peeve. It's not even a "dating" pet peeve because it happens before you date. You're at the bar and you meet a guy. You're not imagining wedding bells and a big white dress, but you get along. You have a pretty interesting conversation. Actually, he is pretty cute and not bad to look at. Finally it's the end of the night, and he asks for your number and you give it to him. Trying not to be too presumptuous, you don’t ask him for his number.
Then you wait...and wait and wait. No call, no text. It's not a big deal because he is just some random guy you met at the bar. It was not a life long bond but still you start to wonder. Why does he bother to ask for your number if he wasn't going to use it?
I'm not talking about the guy you met when you imbibed too much alcohol and made out. That guy has to ask for your number even if he never intends to use it. No, I am talking about the nice guy you chatted with for two hours, without him once getting creepy or too forward.
What would possess him to make me stop from getting into my cab to give him my number if he doesn't want to call? He was under no obligation to do so. Obviously he was interested. But what happened from the time I left him until the time he decided not to call that changed things?
To make matters worse you are almost guaranteed to see him again at the same bar usually within the next 3-4 weeks. Which is just enough time for you to not be able to go right up to him and say hi because you look slightly stalkerish, especially since he never got in touch with you. So your options are to do the awkward nod to each other, pretend you don’t know each other or there is the quick kiss hello and no further conversation. The whole time you're trying not too look at him because you don't want to give him the death glare, but you want to scream...WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL, YOU IDIOT?What do you do in this situation?
Submitted by Marissa at Datingish.
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Comments (7)
I'm a guy and have done that before and know of guys that do that ...there area couple of reasons:
a) Too shy/insecure - got your number but now doesn't know what to do with it (scared he will F* it up). Alot of guys I know call this "date 2" and most of them haven't a clue what to do here.
b) Has a girlfriend or found another girl in the meantime
c) out to get "numbers" and nothing more (game)
d) wasn't interested
But the biggest reason is!
e) probably forgot! yes, the biggest reason anyone doesn't call anyone is because they FORGOT! sort of a result of point d, but family things, work things, friend things come up and then it's a week or two later, guy says "oh crap I forgot! it's too late to call now"
idk its not really a mystery to me if the guy doesn't call. not interested, whatever.
about 25% of the time i won't call. to add onto @testyman666@xanga,
f) sometimes when the buzz is gone, we decide we're not interested anymore.
g) sometimes i get the impression that she's not going to pick up anyway, so i don't bother.
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - no, this isn't true. it's a matter of shyness more frequently than you think it is.
oh and one more thing: making out with some skank at the club doesn't obligate anyone to get anyone's number.
Do you ever pick up a business card from a business you really like, and at the time intend to call, visit or tell your friends about...then you just don't? No particular reason.
Sometimes one of the people involved in this scenario cares more than the other. Lots of women give out fake numbers because they don't really want it to go any further. Sorta the same thing in reverse.
One of my guy friends is guilty of doing this. But his reasons are that a) he's not the most confident guy around and sometimes b) the girl was just too forward. He's a good-looking bloke, so girls do fawn over him once he gets the courage to go up to them. The girls just kinda sabotage themselves by talking a slow game, though their body language clearly tell a different story. Not all subtle gestures are lost on guys!
In the scenario you described, I would just go up to the guy and say "Hello, haven't seen or heard from you in a while since we hit it off the other night when I gave you my number. How are you doing?" It's a simple few lines to bring up the fact that he disappeared on you after asking for your number without full-on blasting him for it, the fact that you thought the both of you got on really well, and the fact that you're still interested without being too cool or too hot.
Honestly I've done this before too, and my biggest reason is frankly just to quit while you're ahead. It's better to remember the night as "oh I spent a long time talking to this really cool girl and I got her number" than "Oh I tried to text/call her but she never responded and now I'm wondering wtf is up"
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