Wednesday, 31 August 2011
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I Thought Something Like This Only Happened to Dumb Girls
All my life I have been told how smart I am. I was one of those people who did not have to work hard to get good grades in high school. College was a breeze for me. I half-assed most of my work and still never got lower that an A- in 4 years, even with double majoring. I took the LSAT and got into the top tier law schools I applied to. Once I realized I did not want to be a lawyer, I took the GRE with no preparation and scored high enough to make friends who had taken review classes jealous.
I am not saying these things to brag but just to point out that I am not some dumb girl with a big chest. And while I had always heard from my parents and teachers how gifted I was intellectually, it was not 'till I started seeing my latest boy that a guy has ever complimented me on my brains. When I was 15 I was seeing an older boy who repeatedly told me how dumb I was. He called me a dumb blonde, told me it would be better if I didn't talk, and marveled at how I could not understand something and needed to ask questions.
The funny thing is I was in the top 5% of a very academically competitive private school and he was in summer school so he could graduate public high school without being held back a year. My college boyfriend made me feel intellectually inadequate because he was an engineering major and I was a majoring in criminal justice. He would tell me over and over again that my major was not a real major since he was taking it as his elective. He also mocked my second major of psychology because it was not a real science.
The guy I saw after I graduated college said, "So what, it's not a difficult major" when I told him I got the award for having the highest GPA in my department. In law school at social events when I would meet new people, guys would ask me who I knew at the school and assume I was someone's date. Guys I meet in bars often ask what I do and guess that I am a hairdresser or day care worker (I am not putting either of those professions down, it's just an example that guys never say hey I bet you're in Med School or you're definitely an accountant).
Time after time, guy after guy, I was told how I am ditzy, dumb or slow. For a while, I kind of just went along and assumed I must be ditzy. When the latest boy told me "Wow, you're really smart," I just stopped and did not know how to respond. I blushed and stammered a thank you. I was amazing to not be complimented on my looks but on my mind. It meant so much more than being told I look pretty or that my outfit looked great.
Have you ever dated a guy who called you dumb? Did you dump his ass or prove him wrong?
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- From: chrissy15
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Comments (57)
For those guys, it's a masculinity issue. They are insecure about their own intelligence and therefore, try to break your spirit to get you to do worse than them. But, good for you to keep your head straight and do well for yourself. You will need to find someone who is not uncomfortable with their SO having more knowledge about certain subjects than they do. It's about complimenting each other by bringing out the best in each other, not just yourself.
Awkward.
You know it’s strange, I’ve never really done well academically and am pretty much struggling hard to get through college. But I have never been called dumb by anyone well except my parents lol.
I’ve actually had a lot of men tell me that they find me extremely intelligent. Now this could be really biased as I don’t know if they genuinely mean it or they just wanna get in my pants. But all my past boyfriends have told me that one of the traits they really like about me is my intelligence.I just shut up about barely passing classes hahahahha If they wanna see me as intelligent better not destroy the image :P
I don’t think I’m smart tbh. Just average, maybe a lil ditzy at times but I wouldn’t say smart.
It’s really funny that these guys think you’re dumb when you’re doing so well in school lol and from your post you don’t sound dumb at all.
To me, those who feel the need to put others down aren't that smart of people to begin with. But hey, I view intelligence differently then they probably do. People like that aren't worth your time. If you're per suing what you honestly believe is best for you that's what counts. I can understand though how it would be very irritating, to say the least, for people to assume you're not as intelligent as you really are.
I'm not of crazy high intelligence (ha to say the least) when it comes to hard sciences, but that's fine. I can speak intelligently enough and that's fine by me. I remember once my boyfriend called me an "idiot" out of anger over something and I blew up at him. I made sure he knew never to use that word again. No one should allow you to feel small.
I find intelligence in women to be highly attractive. In fact it's an absolute requirement for any girl I'm dating to be intelligent, well-spoken, and possess a desire to continually learn and educate herself. Higher education isn't a requirement, but it's very very desirable and I would have no problem dating a woman more intelligent or educated than myself.
Anyone who labels you as unintelligent based on your gender is an idiot. Anyone who labels you as "dumb" based on your looks is shallow and uninformed. Anyone who looks down on you because of your educational and career choices is a snob.
Anyone who values you for being you and respects both your academic and career choices, regardless of your gender or appearance? A keeper.
in the school-related cases, i would've said the same thing (i.e. that you didn't have real majors). but in the other cases, i think it's more a factor of where you live. in cities like ny or dc, i don't think anyone would make an assumption about your intelligence UNLESS you dress in a particular way, since that's kind of all they have to go on.
You can do well academically and not be very smart. It's not necessarily hard to get good grades in high school or even college, depending on your major. You probably don't come across as very street-smart, and the tone of this post makes me think you have a problem with presenting yourself well too. I mean, you seem to put all your stock in your grades, and people don't like having good grades shoved down their throats. You also seem to...make these people feel small by how you describe them? He's "an engineering major" and he "needed summer school to xyz" - that's not a smart way to describe people, and maybe your feelings come across in your attitude too.
So yeah, book smarts aren't everything and alone, they don't make you intelligent.
I think it has less to do with intelligence and more to do with how you carry yourself. People really equate your common sense with intelligence more so than academic prowess. Case in point, one of my friend is highly educated and a great scientist but jokes fly over her head. Not saying it's okay to put someone down about their intelligence, just making an observation.
You've just been around some seriously idiotic guys. x__x
i'm sorry that's happened to you. unfortunately guys want to be/feel as if there the "smarter" one. as long as your not cocky or conceited, your cool, otherwise it's a different story. i make descent grades, but everyone things i'm suppose to be really smart... so it's the opposite. it sucks cause everyone thinks i know the answer, and i don't... then they get disappointed and now i'm "dumb".
Ya it's an ego thing with guys
Most guys statistically prefer girls that aren't as smart as them.
But the real low self esteem ones are the ones you are talking about - they put you down.
I am sorry you had to go through that with the guys you were with. I agree with the first poster, but I won't blame it on masculinity. I blame it on insecurity which can happen in either sex. Some people put others down to make themselves feel better.
It's not worth the effort to prove insecure people wrong. They'll always find some other way to bring you down.
Guys will usually be intimidated by girls who are better than them at something, anything. The key is to maintain knowing who you are, and how good you are. You don't deserve to be treated that way; you're obviously a very smart person. Be confident in your education, your job, and yourself. All there is to it.
I once pulled over to talk to a guy who had his hazards on. I asked if he needed anything and he said there was nothing I could do, and described his car troubles. I told him he needed a new alternator. He laughed and said he just needed to recharge his battery. (Which was brand new and just died while he was driving.) Moron.
No guy I I have ever dated has called me dumb (though there are guys who I've known who I'm sure have thought I wasn't the brightest at times). Ditzy at times maybe, and I can be ditzy sometimes, especially when I'm tired, but nobody I've been romantically involved with has ever insulted my intelligence. My ex used to call me with computer questions (I used to do computer work when I was enlisted in the Army), and my current guy, while I feel less intelligent than him at times (he graduated with a rather high academic rank from our college while double majoring in Arabic and Spanish), he never says anything to make me feel dumb. Guys who do that are often insecure... I had a friend who was well ahead of her boyfriend at the time (then husband for all of three months before she filed for divorce)... She was quite smart, and he was quite dumb, but he always found ways to make her feel dumb because he was afraid of losing her to someone smarter. I dunno, I guess it's because I don't date "alpha males," (though they're intelligent) so they never feel the need to put me down to make themselves feel better. I'm pretty sure if I ended up in a relationship with someone like that I would dump them, because I just don't like guys with that attitude... ever.
A guy never wants to admit that his girlfriend is smarter than him. It's an evolutionary thing. Men are supposed to be the smartest.
Lol, my second boyfriend called me dumb all the time. He never went to college and lacked common sense. My current boyfriend (love of my life) is going back to university after 2-3 years of full time work. He's majoring in computer engineering. I love that he's much more intelligent than I am.
Hum, only way I can relate to this is my ex's Dad giving me a hard time on the Uni I chose, he thought I could get into a more prestigious one and my ex's Mom and my ex both thought that way too but didn't express it rudely like his Dad did. This made me feel stupid. I actually did gain acceptance into a better Uni but I didn't really want to take some of the mandatory courses the program had and I also got a scholarship in my current Uni. My ex didn't think I was dumb and I never put him down either in terms of academics. We both screwed up a few things, I think we're basically on the same level of academic intelligence.
A man who would call me dumb and a man who would praise my intelligence both would stand about the same chance of keeping my attention as a snowball has in a volcano.
Any guy who says your stupid is an idiot and isn't worth your time.
I obviously don't know you so this may not be the case but maybe you're really smart but the way you come across isn't that way? I know some girls who are geniuses but the way they speak and come across makes them seem less than intelligent. My friend says like, you know, um and that sort of stuff constantly and sounds like a ditz, dresses very promiscuously and talks about some of the weirdest things however she got one of the highest marks in her class and got into all the colleges she applied to (top tier ones). Maybe something similar happened to you? And the guys who called you stupid didn't get to know you well enough to see past this? Of course, I could be completely off.
Maybe I'm wrong but I think guys in general have big egos and don't want to admit their girlfriend is smarter than them (even if it's true)... So it's not you, it's the guys. One day you'll find someone who'll love you for both your body AND your brain! Until then, blow of those guys who don't deserve you. :)
To be honest I don't think criminal justice and psychology are hard majors compared to the sciences (physics, chemistry, micro, etc), just my personal opinion. But that doesn't give them a right to degrade you, because doing well is doing well and everyone who does well deserves to be applauded.
As for me, my boyfriend and I are pretty much on the same level. He works harder than I do though :P I tend to not date stupid guys...and I don't even mean that academically.
i get the dumb blonde comments all the time, but they're worth it for the doubletakes i get from the same people when they realize that i'm not some empty-headed girl who happens to have yellow hair.
I have never dated a guy who called me dumb. All of the guys I've dated have appreciated my mind, in fact, they were impressed and liked me because of it! One told me that he loved that I always put a book in my purse instead of a makeup bag.
So... now that you know they are out there, stop choosing assholes! You're smart enough in school, now you need to carry that over into the men that you date. :D
One thing I DO NOT put up with is people treating me like I'm stupid. I may be a lot of things but stupid isn't one of them, and if someone is disrespectful enough to try I usually put them in their place with vocabulary they themselves probably don't understand =P
But, to answer your question, I have never had anyone in a relationship tell me or treat me like I was stupid. I've kinda always been the brains of the operation. But, if I started dating someone who were to treat me like that, I'd dump him in a minute. That is such a dealbreaker.I suggest you start getting with guys that are smarter that you. Guys want to feel like they're above women in things like that so when you're smarter than the guy, they're going to try and make themselves feel smarter by teeling you things like that.