Monday, 29 August 2011

  • Imagining Future Marriages


    So I was just reading an article that a girl wrote about how after a few successful dates she finds herself imagining getting engaged to the guy and then he disappears for whatever reason and she's heartbroken and he's a huge jerk.

    I realize he probably didn't disappear because she was already jumping way too far ahead into their not-even-an-official-relationship, but I am also reminded of the myth that girls sit around dreaming about their weddings. Maybe this isn't a myth? 

    I Google'd "girls imagine their weddings" and I find out that young girls are indeed imagining their weddings, down to details like "I would want my husband to propose me in the cutest, most extravagant way ever."

    No pressure though.

    There's also this little gem: "I want the theme to be fairy tale and I'd like one of the Disney princess wedding dresses with my hair half up with tight waves underneath and a veil. I want to arrive at the location in a horse drawn carriage."

    Seriously? She already knows how she wants her hair to look? Keep in mind she has no idea who she wants her husband to be. Does it even matter? 

    I don't think girls shouldn't be excited about getting engaged or married, I'm just saying, they should probably have a SPECIFIC person in mind when they're getting excited about it.

    Jeremy and I were on Skype when he said, "So you should probably start thinking about what kind of engagement ring you want." and I almost died of shock. Then I had to really consider whether or not I would want to marry him (I would). But the point is that I didn't even think about it until he mentioned it, and then it was fun to think about because it was him.

    He actually had to bring it up again and tell me he was serious about the whole engagement ring thing, because I wasn't giving him any ideas of what I wanted and thought he was kidding. (Because guys kid about marrying their girlfriends all the time.)

    But like I told him, I was glad he brought it up because if he had just asked me to marry him without me having any heads up, I would never have really thought about it and I wouldn't have been able to give him an answer right away even though I love him. 

    Of course now I am excited and am thinking about it, but because we aren't really planning on having a real wedding ceremony (I don't really want one - expensive - rather spend it on the honeymoon), I've been mostly just imagining the engagement ring and our actual marriage, not a ceremony that lasts one day.

    Did (or do) you ever imagine getting engaged or married without knowing who you want to marry? Have you imagined specific details of your wedding? Why is it fun to imagine getting engaged or married without knowing who you would want to marry?

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Comments (41)

  • discover_hienie@xanga

    oh i already have hahaha
  • testyman666@xanga

    >>Keep in mind she has no idea who she wants her husband to be. Does it even matter? 

    Hilarious!
  • P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga

    in my experiences, the more that I don't show interest in something, the more that the guy tends to want it more. so some of the guys that pursued me would call me their wifey as a nickname and some have asked me why we haven't gotten married yet and I didn't really feel the same way. it is likely the challenge. I haven't really thought about my wedding day or any specifics. when I was younger, the most that I did was doodle my crush's name alongside a 1437(numeric code for: I love you forever) then fold the paper into an origami shaped heart even when I was dating a guy, there weren't images of marriage, because they weren't marriage material and I have high standards I might've had sexual fantasies or some fantasies about where/how I'd meet "the one" so pre-marriage fantasies than actual marriage fantasies. one of my fantasies was more of like the Tarzan movie mixed with korean dramas:D I wander into the jungle on a hiking trip and then sprain my ankle. all of a sudden a chiseled jungle man out of nowhere swoops me up from the ground and gives me a piggyback ride back to civilization then I doze in and out of sleep as I'm resting my face on his sexy shoulders and mumble: I lub joo cutie I already said something similar to this in a previous blog but I don't remember the exact title.

  • AbnormalButSane@xanga

    Getting married is more than having a wedding. It matters so little in the long run. What should matter is that you've found someone that should know you better than anyone else in the world, that can still loves you when they hate you, that will hold your hand when you need it the most, and who will give you the last piece of cake.
  • SHmeEPeh@xanga

    I find this a little silly. If a person is dreaming about their wedding, it's just something they're looking forward to in their future. They probably know the marriage itself is much more important than the wedding, and if they don't--well, they were probably a spoiled little princess growing up. That can't be very common. Most people these days grow up with a less than stellar view of marriage, anyway.



    Personally, I never dreamed about a wedding. I'm actually engaged and I've never started planning it, but that's just how I was raised. My family put no effort into their wedding and I probably will not either. It's a girl thing, and because of that my fiance is not very interested in the details. What guy cares about more than the honeymoon? I just find it difficult to care when he doesn't.
  • fromlusttolove@xanga

    i've never had specifics in mind for my wedding. i really don't give a shit about the wedding, actually. i don't want an engagement ring. all i care about is the person i want to be with - who is unknown as of now haha.

  • katya_pobedovna@xanga

    I have always been one of those (few?) girls who don't imagine their wedding.  Married life, maybe, but not the wedding.  It just seems like so much hard work planning one, so I can't even be bothered to imagine the littlest things about it!  Having worked in wedding photography and hearing horror stories from many a bride-zilla (and groom-zilla) did not help the situation either.  In fact I was horrified to find out that I would most likely be expected to plan and organize an engagement party when a proposal does come along my way.

    Far out.  If I had my way the wedding will be either like I put together a venue and catering, and then I proceed to make the following speech, "Eat up, drink up, shut up and get out when you're done."

    My ideal Prince Charming would be the wedding planner, not me!
  • shpadoinkle12@xanga

    I haven't really given it much thought beyond knowing that I want to get married someday and that I don't want an expensive ring. I've been to a few weddings recently though, and it got me wondering how my own would even play out. The weddings I went to were pretty heavy on the whole God thing, which is perfectly understandable, but I'm an atheist and my boyfriend's agnostic. We're still way too early in our relationship to even start thinking about marriage, but it does make me wonder what a non-religious wedding would be like!

  • akatiegirl
    Like you, my wedding imaginings started after I found the right guy. Prior to that, I knew there'd be a white dress in there somewhere, and rings, but that was about the most thought I gave things. Once it was time to plan, I gave my husband the option of a courthouse ceremony...but he wanted the big wedding, and deep down, so did I. I worked hard to make it the most special day done in the most cost-effective way (lots of DIY projects), but my main focus was the celebration with our family and friends. I wanted good food, a good bar, and good music. I wanted our guests to enjoy themselves--and they did. My family and friends still talk about how much fun our wedding was. But in the meantime, we skipped a honeymoon to buy a house and save for a new car for me. We wanted a special day to kick off our marriage, but I planned it knowing that if we somehow ended up with a disastrous wedding, at least we'd be married, and that was the important part. I think too many girls focus on the wedding, not the marriage afterward, and they suddenly find themselves tied to someone they settled for because he asked and could pay for the big circus of a wedding they'd dreamed about since childhood. Now, there's nothing wrong with dreams, but I agree with you...it's more important to start with the right guy and go from there, otherwise, you may be putting your priorities in the wrong order...

    -Katie
  • Itinvolvedwhippedcream@xanga

    I imagine about both. :)
  • x_colormepretty_x@xanga

    As a kid, I did not want to get married. I didn't want to get married until I started dating my current bf. And so now, since we have discussed marriage and lots of people I know have started getting hitched, yeah I've thought of my dream wedding. But always with my bf, not just a make-believe groom I've never met yet.
  • xhalesx@revelife

    I've thought about it before I was actually in a relationship.


    When I go into a relationship though, I do make sure that the guy is marriage potential. 
    With my current boyfriend we talked about how we would decorate a house on our first date. FIRST! From then on I guess we just knew we were meant for each other. We're not engaged yet, but we know that we're getting married in the near future. And I've been planning our wedding piece by piece for two years now, and I have noticed that as time goes on, the details become less important, and all I really want in the end is to just be married to him.
  • linguistic_nonsense@xanga

    These girls also need to be a LOT more realistic, because, seriously, who can afford to have a horse drawn carriage of all stuff (excluding William and Catherine, obviously)?  These girls obviously have no idea what goes into planning a wedding, let alone the fact that in the long run it's not going to save the marriage.

    And then, they've already idealized how their guy should be like. Disney really screwed us over. It's nice to fantasize and dream about how we'd like our happily ever after pan out, but these people never take into consideration that reality never plays out the way our fantasies do. What I'm saying is that these girls have unrealistic ideas and expectations of how their lives are going to turn out. They're setting themselves up for major disappointment when Prince Charming isn't so charming and so perfect. This fact that people have these illusions of marriage is quite disturbing.
  • AmeliaHart@xanga

    @linguistic_nonsense@xanga - I think you’re over-exaggerating the ramifications of dreaming about a wedding before finding a husband. 
     
    To the OP: I am about as practical as they can get and I’ll admit I often dreamed about different wedding themes.  Even when I thought I would never get married and then I started thinking perhaps I’m destined to be a wedding planner (I am now working as an electrical engineer.) 
     
    In general, plenty of women dream about a wedding even if they are sans fiancé or even a boyfriend.  It’s just something fun to daydream about, just like someone might daydream about a trip to Bali or something. It serves no real practical purpose other than it’s enjoyable.  Even now, sometimes my girlfriends and I will share pictures of wedding dresses that we think are beautiful etc… etc…


    The only time I can see this being problematic is if once the woman starts actually planning out her real wedding and turns into bridezilla. Though at 26 I’ve seen more and more weddings come about and the only bridezillas I've witnessed are on “reality” TV.

  • SexyGamerGirl@xanga

    @linguistic_nonsense@xanga - I have to agree with @AmeliaHart@xanga. Having a few thoughts on what you want at your wedding even if you aren't attached isn't bad. And Idk about you, but I'm still and avid Disney fan and it didn't screw me up. Also, you'd be surprised at how many people actually do have horse drawn carriages at their weddings...

    OP: I have said from day one that I'd have a Beauty and the Beast themed wedding. The one thing in my mind especially being the Belle dress. Now that I've been with my bf for four years and are in the midst of talking about rings he is completely  behind me with the theme. It's fun to talk about how the flowers will be roses, and the cake will have Beast and Belle on top, that Be Our Guest will play when the food comes out, and how I'll walk down the aisle (or a gorgeous staircase if we find a place with one) to the instrumental version of Beauty and the Beast.

    It's a day that usually only happens once. So why not go all out and enjoy  it? I see nothing wrong with wanting to feel like my girl Belle, who I've looked up to even since I was little thanks to her unshallowness, her brown hair, and her love for reading. Plus, I truly believe everyone should at least get to feel like a princess for a day.

    Of course, after the wedding is the most important. :) It's a beautiful bond between two people, and I can't wait for it.
  • GtSugacane@xanga

             I never believed in marriage, then I started dating an old friend, fell in love with him, started dreaming about a wedding and a future together, then he broke up with me because he didn't want me anymore. This after discussing a potential wedding and future with me frequently. Maybe it would have been in my best interest to be more like these other girls, lol.

  • TheFifthHero@xanga

    I like thinking about my wedding, to be honest.  Like, what colours I want to use and who will be my bridesmaids and what sort of food to serve.  But mostly because to me, it's kind of a giant fun party where all my friends from all over the place can come and have fun.  I don't want to get married any time soon.  I'm not even in a relationship.  It's just fun to think about. 
  • Hinase@xanga

    @linguistic_nonsense@xanga - I don't know how it's really all Disney's fault..seeing it's everywhere in the media etc; I'm sure Walt didn't intent Disney to be any of the things that people say it is or to be taken that way. I never got the idea of drawn out carriages from Disney..actually it was from other places.
  • lforletty@xanga

    Back with my ex, we would imagine our life together married someday.. we never really gave much thought to a wedding. It wasn't that important to either of us. We talked of things like the values we'd raise our future children up with, what kind of house and car we'd want, the jobs we'd go for after University. I wouldn't waste time figuring out every last detail of what hair/make-up/dress I want now 'cause it's not a big thing for me and my opinion of style might have changed by the time I actually do get married.
  • tgwiy@xanga

    I've never really thought about my future wedding.
    I live with my boyfriend of 4 years, we've bought a house, the whole 9 yards, but we're not married, even though we act like a married couple.
    We've both agreed that if we get married it'll be a small ceremony (less than 50 people) and I'll wear a white dress.

  • juslitome@xanga

    I know gfs who kind of have ideas about their wedding themes, but they're normally just thinking, not necessarily going to do it. Fun to fantasize about, I guess.

    Personally, weddings have never been my thing. I just see them as another 'rite of passage,' but mostly, it's a hassle. Better to keep it simple - the marriage is more important. Though this depends on the guy too. If he'd enjoy lavishing me, I'm not going to argue XD. 

    I have to admit, sometimes I get inspired by really fun and funky celebratory weddings. Like this - http://youtu.be/Vqiw-Kqtlr0. Otherwise, the idea of weddings never cross my mind.
  • shatteredmoonbeams@xanga

    Its one thing to daydream-its another to PLAN the wedding before you find a guy. Sure, I dream about getting married at the aquarium surrounded by fishies and having the reception in the ballroom thats next to the giant tank, and what kind of ring/dress I would have, but thats about it, and I dont expect that to happen. Its fun to think about because its FANTASY. And I have a crush on someone so he is in those daydreams, but Im not PLANNING our wedding, lol...
  • raspberryjade@xanga

    I think its fine to fantasize about plans, even if you don't have someone.

    its kind of how people have a "dream college" without ever even visiting it and not even knowing what they want to major in... hahaha
  • HopeWithinReach@xanga

    I've been dreaming about my wedding since I was a little tot, which is interesting because my parents didn't marry until I was 8 and even then it was a courthouse thing. Weddings were not a big part of my life growing up, but I knew I always wanted one.

    Growing up everyone assumed I'd be the one to marry young with a huge wedding and in fact I am now 24.5 and I'm still unmarried, the only one left out of my group who is not married and has no children.

    Ironically I still hope to get married and the details haven't changed much in what I want.

  • danaenicole@xanga

    i'm pretty sure i imagined my wedding a lot as a kid. not so much when i got older. however, as of about 2 years ago, i've been working at a banquet center and we do a lot of wedding receptions. that, of course, leads me to think about what my wedding might be like one day. mostly it's just thoughts like "ew. i will not use that color combination in my wedding." or "ooo. cute centerpieces. i'll have to keep that in mind."

    i don't think it's bad to dream about a future wedding. it's an important event. it's another thing to obsess over it or plan it completely.. but dreaming is fine.

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