Monday, 29 August 2011
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My Boyfriend's Parents are Homophobes
My story is backwards, to say the least. I started from an early childhood knowing I was different than most, and finally pieced it together during my early teenage years that I'm attracted to women. I came out as a lesbian to my parents at age 13. This isn't a coming out story at all though. I will continue to say that I dated women and only women up until I hit adulthood. I hate that I fell into the cliche that one can fall out of homosexuality and will fall out of it. Please, don't judge me yet. I ended up "re-coming out" as bisexual to my family and friends at age 19.
Although I now knew that I was attracted to a person for what they were rather than their gender, I still looked to date women and didn't realize that one of my close male friends would end up being my next romantic interest. To skip ahead, I ended up getting into a relationship with my current boyfriend approximately 5 months ago. I found out that his parents are homophobic. This concerns me for several reasons. To state the obvious, I don't want the topic of homosexuality to arise and to get into a heated disagreement with his parents.
One may argue that if I'm with him, there is no need to come out to his parents. I have no intentions to, I assure you. I don't need the stereotypical label above my head saying that I'm twice as likely to cheat (and a sinner doomed to an eternity in hell, of course) and twice as hard to trust. My problem is, if they want to know about my past...how do I answer? All of my previous relationships have been exclusively with women.
It's a hard thing to hide, especially considering my sexuality has never been a secret. I'm very supportive of equality and frequently post about it on social networking sites, wear pride jewelry, and attend events.So my question is, Datingish readers, how does one handle this situation? Have you been in this situation? What did you do? What about pride parades, rainbow jewelry and advocating for gay rights? Do I need to compromise and tone myself down a bit?P.S. If it isn't obvious, my boyfriend knows and is fully accepting of my sexuality.
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- From: xcrownedhopeless
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Comments (9)
You might just want to 'tone it down' while in front of your boyfriend's parents. They don't need to know everything about your past sexual history. You just have to be discreet. I doubt you will ever change their minds. As long as your boyfriend knows & is fully accepting of your sexuality, that's enough. Good Luck.
Parents don't need to know. They just need to know that you'll be a good match for him. Your past is your business.
I concur with others are saying. They don't have to know about your past and I think as long as your bf accepts you and loves you then there shouldn't be too much of a problem.
His parents don't need to know about your relationship/sexual past! If they ask anything along the lines of if you've dated alot, you can just respond by saying yes/no, I dated __ people. The other stuff is for you and your guy to discuss.
i wouldn't put it in their faces in a way that might beget questions or antagonism. it sounds terrible because it means you kind of have to suppress part of your self in their presence, but i suppose it's just a way to keep the peace. (i wouldn't go on about my atheism in front of devout folks if they were people whose opinion on the subject mattered to me...)
but never change who you are though. <3
If they ask about your past, you can still be vague about it. "It has been a bumpy and complicated ride, but I've come thus far and am proud of it." could be a possible answer. If the topic of homosexuality does come up, just let them know that you support gay rights and everyone is entitled to their own (respectful) opinion.
You may have to tone the open advocating down, but it will be a worthy compromise of how openly you voice your morals, not compromising your morals themselves.
It's none of the parents' business period. They're not the ones in the relationship, you and your boyfriend are. They don't need to know about your dating history. It's your boyfriend who has to live with this reality, not them, and if he's fine about it, that's all that matters.
Fearing bf's parents eh.
Well, if they ask about your past relationships, I feel like that'd be pretty weird for your boyfriend's parents to ask, but just say you've never had a boyfriend before. Hey, it is the truth, right?