Sunday, 28 August 2011
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First Date Etiquette
It's been a long time since I've been on a real first date. My current SO and I have been together for over two years and we were close friends first. I guess, technically, that means we didn't have a first date with each other. For a relationship to start that way it isn't rare, but it doesn't happen all that often. More likely than not, people are going on first dates. Unfortunately, there can sometimes be a lot of pressure on a man or a woman to put on a performance-- to show the best sides of themselves, etc.If you're looking for a relationship and you're going on first dates hoping to have second and third dates, there are some things to be aware of:
- Food is food. There truly isn't a better cuisine choice over any other as far as how sloppy you can look. I would, however, steer clear of dripping tacos and whole lobsters. Yes, food is messy, but you don't really want to draw extra attention to this fact.
- Talking about yourself is okay. You can talk about your job or your classes, your friends or your family. It's important not to come off arrogant, but it's definitely okay to talk about yourself. The person you're with will want to know things about you.
- In reference to the above: make sure you leave some space for he/she to speak as well. A good first date means you've both learned some things about each other. A great first date means your conversation has a wonderful flow that makes you look at the cup of coffee you ordered after dinner and think: I've finished my coffee already? Wow.
- Dress to impress. This absolutely does not mean show up in an evening gown or a tuxedo. It's important to look well put together and well-groomed. Take a shower beforehand if you have the time. Men, press your shirt, but feel free not to look too uptight. You can roll up your sleeves without looking sloppy. Ladies, only wear heels if you can actually walk in them.
- Concentrate on body language. If his/her body seems to be open and facing you, it most likely means they're into you. We tend to do subconscious things with our bodies that can tell those around us what we're thinking.
- If your date is paying, try to order something middle of the road as far as price goes. It doesn't matter how rich or how poor he/she may be. Ordering from the mid-range price makes you seem comfortable with money, even if you aren't.
- Men, if a woman seriously persists regarding the bill, it means she actually wants to pay. A woman who makes a move, but doesn't persist is likely being polite, but a woman who stands firm will want to pay. Women get very annoyed with men who refuse to allow this. They often don't see this as chivalrous, but rather as sexist.
What are some of the best first date tips you can give? How have your first date experiences been?
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About the Author
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- From: TheDailyDane
- About Me: I'm Dane and I'm 20. Follow me on Twitter @danefeldman. I am a huge supporter of long-term relationships. What's the fun in knowing something will end in a week? Stick around for some long-term bloggin'.
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Comments (15)
There's only one good tip I'd suggest on any date:
Be yourself!
Who wants to go on a date worrying about what the other person might be thinking about them based on minute things like the price of the food or what you're wearing? (MacShack and jeans and a T for this classy lady hahaha)
Maybe I'm just not familiar with this dating thing, but I'd just be myself and if they don't like it, well then they obviously aren't meant to be with me. =/
good tips
Drive yourself, don't force anything that doesn't feel natural (ie, if it doesn't feel right to kiss, don't do it just because "that's what's expected" - a hug is perfectly acceptable, respectable, and reasonable if it feels more comfortable and natural), and if you're having any alcohol, you should really avoid getting shitfaced. And did you mention not letting one person completely dominate the conversation? It's good to listen and it's good to talk, but it's not good to let one person do all the talking while the other does all the listening. Give and take, ebb and flow. Wait for natural pauses in the other person's pattern of speech to break in with comments, questions, reflections, tangent-stories, etc. Be tactful, not tacky about it though.
I know I'm often guilty of listening too much on first dates, but it's actually gotten me quite a few second dates and beyond. I guess the guys I meet are over-joyed to have someone listen to them ramble for once haha.
that last tip is very good. if i'm reaching for the check, it's because i want to pay.
Good post, thanks!
go to a coffee shop or other place just for casual drinks on a first date instead of a restaurant. I don't really like talking that much or chiming into the conversation when I'm busy eating my meal. I've had guys talk with their mouth full then some spit landed on my arm or they were laughing with some food in their mouth and it didn't look appealing. or if you continue to eat and talk, my meal usually gets cold because I'm eating a little, then talking and listening while stabbing my food. I like to eat my meal when it is piping hot and fresh. or when drinking soup, sometimes you get a runny nose due to the steam, and hearing him sniffling his snot makes me lose my appetite:D
I think that whoever asked the other person out should pay. It's sexist only if you think that guys always should do the asking.
When did chivalry become sexist? I love it when a guy is chivalrous; I wish more of them were like that.
Don't try to feel her up at the dinner table. That leads to bad results.
i won't take a girl seriously (in the sense that i'll think she's uninterested) if she doesn't wear heels on a first date, assuming the venue's appropriate--which is usually the case.
if a girl insists on paying, i also will generally assume she's not interested.
Body language is HUGE, but other than that the only one I'd imagine is a bit questionable is the "dress to impress." As long as neither looks like a slob and you're near matched in formality of dress then you shouldn't overstress. Nice post overall :)
turn your cell phones OFF or at least on SILENT so it doesn't vibrate or buzz every time you get a text or even a wrong number. Unless it's very important, and you absolutely HAVE to take it, go outside for a minute or two to have it sorted out, call the person back, but COME back in a swift pace. Don't chat about your day, get it done before you sit down, excuse yourself for having to leave the table for a call.
Ladies, if you love wearing lipstick, check your teeth before you get to the location. Make sure you have 20s available rather than a large bill or no cash at all. It gets annoying if your date asks if you have some change (parking) or tip, and you don't have any cash on you (albeit second or third date).
TRY NOT TO FIDGET or look elsewhere or someone else while your date is talking to you. It's rude and it seems as though you don't care what they're talking about or if you're hiding something, on a time constraint or all of the above.
TRY not to chow down fast; even if that's what your usual eating pace is, usually women eat slower, and if you there is an actual conversation taking place, then the pace is bound to be even slower. So contribute to the conversation, slow your pace a bit (*men do eat faster), and try to match the meal pace to a middle ground. Esp. if ppl have told you that your eating pace tend to make others rush to match, it just seems like you've been starved and is only there for the food or you want to eat fast and get out.
Don't wear clothes are ill fitting; men shorter slacks are not appealing, esp if you wear off colored socks that does not blend or match the slacks or shoes you're wearing, ladies, don't wear a too low cut top or clothes you're not comfortable to be yourself in. Even if it's a new outfit, if you're not 100% comfortable in moving and eating/ sitting down with, then DON"T WEAR it on a date because you WILL fidget. Try to make contact, even if you don't really see your date your type, making eye contact just shows that you have manners, not shifty eyes. Be CLEAR in your words and what you say, don't flirt if you don't mean to, and communicate directly!
TRY your best NOT to talk about religion or a sensitive topic as ABORTION. -_-; it's not a first two or three date conversation.
Be yourself & have fun on the date.
I like this post:)
the last tip is so true... if i insist to pay.. i rlly mean it and u better let me