Thursday, 25 August 2011
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We Can Still Be (Digital) Friends, Right?
Everyone has their own set of friending habits on social networking sites (SNS). Some people friend or accept any and everybody while others are bit more meticulous about who they allow access. Generally, I am somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. But, I must admit I am not really a fan of accepting the friend requests of people who I am simply in the “talking” stage with.
The process of getting to know people can be a frustrating and fickle one, so you could very well talk to someone for a week or 2 and then never hear from them again or you may even be the one who decides to cut off communication. Additionally, I find that being Facebook friends or friends on whatever other SNS, especially in the beginning of a relationship, to be somewhat unnecessary since we have other, more effective ways of staying in touch. Things like seeing each other, phone calls, and so on.
However, sometimes when you try to explain to a person that you are not in favor of friending them because you just met, they might be kind of taken aback or it could seem like you have something to hide. But it is nothing of the sort in my case. It is just that the prospect of having someone, who is essentially a stranger, being able to potentially keep tabs of where I am and what I am doing is not one that sits well with me. Furthermore, when I am no longer involved with a person, I find it cathartic to purge myself of that person, so I erase text messages, puts away any gifts he might have given me, etc.
Last but not least, I am always tempted to unfriend them on Facebook. I figure if we’re no longer even friends in real life, why should I maintain a digital friendship? I especially feel this way if our breakup was caused by unfortunate circumstances (cheating, dishonesty, etc..). However, in the case of a mutual breakup, I must admit that as much as I want to completely rid my life of their existence for my own catharsis, I am hesitant to unfriend them because it may come off as bitter or petty.
After a fair amount of thinking, I did decide to unfriend a couple of EXes and I have had the same done to me post-breakup, but I am okay with that. The reasoning behind this is that people often put up rather personal information on their SNS such as who they’re currently seeing, where they’re going, etc and I feel that if an Ex and I are no longer involved in each other’s lives, then it is not really necessary or prudent for us to have access to each other’s personal information anymore.
So, what about you—what is your stance on friending/unfriending people you are currently talking to/seeing or no longer seeing for that matter?
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Comments (9)
Interactions like this are what ultimately lead me to delete my facebook. I got to thinking "he/she doesn't need to know what I am doing" and that thought eventually grew into "No one needs to know what I am doing." No awkward internet relationships for me! It's just not worth the headache of figuring out what's appropriate.
I have separate profiles for each category of people: one for people that I personally have known for a long time and talk to regularly, one that I know for a short while and talk to on and off. I might add them to my other profile if they reach the next level
, one for everybody and their mothers to befriend me
so they don't feel left out. if I think they are cool, then I'll add them to the moderate personal profile. they earn their status and level up, but they don't know this of course. that way I can filter and protect my privacy.
I just add people I know/who I'm friends with. No strangers, out of nowhere who just friend people to increase their numbers. Simple as that. In fact, I just got a strange request from this guy. We have one mutual friend in common but I've never seen/heard of him and he just up and friended me out of nowhere. I'm thinking I'll leave that neither accepted nor rejected for now.
I don't think it's bitter or petty. You shouldn't have to maintain a digital friendship if the real one no longer exists. Of course, this is coming from someone who deleted their facebook because I don't think anyone really needs to keep tabs on me.
I friend people I know and have talked to. If we just met and talked a little bit, I will only friend them if there is a good chance I'll see them around again. If they are good people and the type of friends I like being around, then I'll friend them :) I unfriend my ex tho. No need to keep up with her life.
I've unfriended all my exes. Clean cuts are needed for me to move on.
If I've at least met the person, I'll accept their friend request. It's not that serious.
i don't mind adding them to by my friend but if we're no longer talking, i will delete them. why keep them?
I delete lots of friends on fb, about 25-50 a year. there are a lot of people, past and present, who never talk to me, so what is the point. unless I have some strong old or new connection, I normallyt delete someone. And I only have one female I ever liked who I am still friends with. Why? because they wouldt return any of my messages or respond to comment asking how they are doing every now and then, so I figured what is the point. If they wont respond to me, then why even bother with it.