Thursday, 25 August 2011
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Appreciate Your Woman & The Difference in Empathy Between Genders
One of the main reasons why women cheat is because they no longer feel appreciated in the relationship.Letting your woman know that you appreciate her and what she brings to the relationship is so simple, yet often overlooked. As humans, we all like being appreciated for what we do, whether it be cooking, paying for dinner or even a simple gesture like being there for a lover through personal hardships and stressful situations. We want the acknowledgement because it lets us know that we're needed and not being taken for granted.
One of the differences between men and women is that women are more empathetic, while men think things through in a more matter-of-fact, logical manner. Men are able to understand the emotional state of others by "dictionary terms," but they have a difficult time feeling empathy like women. This does not mean that women are necessarily less logical than men.
Biologically, both males and females were predisposed to a different manner of adaptation, or different means for survival, so logically, both genders play to their strengths in the name of survival. One such example is that a woman's self-esteem is partly determined by the strength of her interpersonal relationships. Males generally have the edge in brute strength and are more prone to anti-social behavior, while females rely on their social connections. There's nothing illogical about that.
Men view the outward showing of emotions as a weakness, which is one of the reasons why women are perceived to be the weaker sex. What most men fail to realize is that it takes a lot of inner-strength and emotional endurance to live as a woman, especially since they tend to internalize the grief of others, a friend being the most common example, because of their empathetic nature. It's difficult for men however, since society has ingrained the notion that showing emotions, or crying, isn't manly.
You can easily understand why showing a little appreciation now and then can go a long way.
Just like cheating, women are also more likely to leave a relationship if they're feeling underappreciated, but that's a given.
Instead of trying to pay your way onto a woman's good side or buying her expensive gifts to make her feel good, simply show her your gratefulness more often. I'm not implying that gifts aren't nice sometimes, but what women really need is to feel that you recognize her positive deeds.
Keep this in mind the next time your woman does something for you. Be sincere, because she can tell if you aren't.
Appreciate your woman.
Do you appreciate your lover? Has it ever been an issue? I'm personally trying to work on it.
Sincerely,
Nunez Love Doctor.Certified with a PhD in Using the Word Appreciation and its Various Forms About a Million Times...ology.
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About the Author
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- From: AsylumBlue
- Name: AsylumBlue
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: The musician in me is constantly dueling with my inner writer, trying to take its place. What I'm attempting to do is allow them to live harmoniously, but it seems that I'm a terrible peacemaker, because they haven't stopped bickering or flinging spit-balls at one another. I write political satire, short stories, poems and... actually, I can pretty much write about anything; I'm flexible (not physically, unfortunately). If I had to choose, it would be writing softcore romance novels full of seduction, extramarital affairs and incredibly specific details. I'm kidding about that last part, I think.
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Comments (12)
So true...we always need constant reminders that we're loved and needed otherwise we feel our partner doesn't feel the same way he used to. Weird, right? I try not to bug my husband about it, but every once in awhile it's nice to be reminded that I'm appreciated. Men, you fill their bellies with good food and give them lots of sexual pleasure and they're happy. Women are a bit more complex, which sucks for us.
I do show as often as I can. But, regardless whether or not she is getting enough appreciation, cheating is always wrong. Yes, she realizes the problem, but she didn't address it directly and talk to her partner about it. And that is where the fault lies. Instead of evading it by just finding some other person to have sex with, she'll need to bring it up because sometimes, the guy doesn't even realize it until it is mentioned. Or simply, she should end the relationship if she feels she is not getting what she needs.
I'm as empathetic as they come, but I agree with @laytexduckie@xanga - there is absolutely no valid reason for cheating. It's a lack of maturity. You don't have to stay in a relationship. If it's not working out, get up and walk away.
you're definitely on the money about this. for me, i wouldn't cheat, but i would definitely walk out on him anytime if i'm not feeling appreciated.
True.
As always with women...you can't show them too much and you can't show them too little
and it can't be constant and predictable
meh, i really don't know about this whole "women are more empathic" thing. (i'm looking up that PNAS article right now...) if it exists, i think it's largely a socially created gender role and not an inherent difference.
perhaps i am just empathically defective. likely.
women's empathy: "you never understand me!"
men's logic: "yes i do. you're on your period."
omg my ex SUCKED in understanding this simple entry that you so clearly noted that "doing little things for a woman goes a long way..."
in comparison, my fiance sometimes just hugs me. whether I'm doing dishes or doing my stretches, he could have been watching tv or playing something online, he just stops, comes over and hugs me. He hugs and kisses my head (if i"m not sweaty), or my nose in endearing gesture and says how much he loves me.
If my EX ever expressed an 5th of that sort of affection or just showing how he appreciates my doing dishes or folding laundry, (we live together, my fiance and I), we wouldn't have had me crying so much for doing ALL of that for him and he took it in greedly even, but never reciprocated. I felt that he took me for granted, underappreciated and degraded my self value because he was worth all the little things I've done for him, simply because he paid for most of the meals.
I'm glad I'm with my fiance because on TOP of thoughtful gifts, generosity, he gives me a chance to do the little or expensive things right back at him without it being too extravagant or "you've wasted money" lecture. Good POST.
I was one time legitimately having a LOGICAL debate with a then-boyfriend about whether or not I should give him a blowjob.
You know, the kind that requires good defenses and great rebuttals, well thought out arguments. I ended up kind of losing the debate and getting really flustered and started crying. You can't really blame society for that; I just think men are more emotionally inept than women on average.
a study of a mere 12 women and 12 men isn't enough to draw convincing data conclusions---I always remember this because my math teacher from the 7th grade marked down my grade because I only surveyed 10 people for my project and she said the same thing to me
"women are more empathetic"
"This does not mean that women are necessarily less logical than men."
You have no problem saying men are less empathetic than women... But you seem to take issue with the idea that women are less logical than men. Why is that? Chivalry or feminist indoctrination? I can't tell.
Truth is... Women are not 'more empathetic'. They're also not necessarily 'less logical' either.
It seems reeeally obvious to me that men make out the extremes of empathy... You have your Martin Luther King's that many females have never dreamt of measuring up to... But you also have your Hitler's that women have never measured up to. And it looks the same in just about every damn instance.. Including intelligence (Albert Einstein; Flavor Flav etc..)
I really wish people would recognize such things and would stop painting this shit in broad brushes.. Which always conveniently favor women and the female experience, often times at the expense of males. The focusing on all the Hitler's and the disregarding of all the MLK's. Epic bullshit.
@Blind_Paraplegic@xanga - this site's target audience is mostly female I believe.