Wednesday, 24 August 2011
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The Interracial Deal Breaker
"I can't be with a woman that has been with a black man."
I stared at him, dumbfounded. What difference does it make if I've dated a black man, or not? Better yet, what is my dating history to you? He's a good friend of mine, who has feelings for me, but I am not ready for a relationship, and I told him as much.
However, with the above condition, I'm not sure I ever will be ready for a relationship with this man.
It's not about the condition itself; it's the principle that really grinds my gears. How can you say such a thing to me? If I'm so cool, and if you want to be with me, shouldn't a prospective mate accept me for who I am, as I am? Dating history and all?
I'm not saying that from date one, he should know all about my history. As a matter of fact, there are probably a lot of things a man DOESN'T need to know about my history.
I moved to this small town from the bustling city of Joliet, IL. It's near Chicago, and it is where Statesville prison is located. [Remember the original Blues Brothers film? Statesville is the prison he picked up his brother from] Anyways, where I come from, inter-racial dating is actually pretty common. It isn't that big of a deal.
Apparently, it's a huge deal if you want to date this guy. A self-proclaimed redneck, he likes to hunt, and fish, and claims he isn't racist/prejudiced. I don't understand why he would say such a thing to me, and I definitely do not see why it matters.
In my personal opinion, who you are currently dating, or who you have dated in the past is no one else's business but your own. I think that he is being incredibly inconsiderate, and that such conditions should NEVER exist as terms of ANY relationship.
Now, I know that some people are uncomfortable dating outside of their race, or prefer not to date outside of their race, for their own personal reasons. More power to you!
But it really isn't fair to shove your opinions/beliefs onto someone else who thinks differently than you.
It doesn't matter where I've been; all that matters is that I'm here now, with you. My dating history shouldn't be held against me, especially by someone I JUST met. That really isn't fair, and I don't agree with this at all. I think that if two people are in love, and treat each other well, they have the right to be together. Period.
What do you think? Is this condition fair? How do you feel about inter-racial dating?
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- From: LadyPhoenix_74@xanga
- Name: Tess
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Comments (74)
I was good friends with a black guy, and whenever we would go places together I would get death stares from everyone, especially black girls.
People who are against interracial are morons in general, and don't deserve any of my precious time. I'm interracial myself, and think that interracial dating is a beautiful thing. In fact, I think it's a great way to learn about other cultures worldy and local.
The fact that this guy is against the fact that you have dated a black man shows that he's one of many ignorant Americans. In about 10 years he'll probably be gulping down some bud light and sitting on his fat ass watching Re-runs of King of the Hill (probably does that now anyways)
That guy is just worried that his junk isn't as big as the black guy from his imagination and/or porn.
It doesn't really seem like he's shoving his opinions/beliefs on you, more just stating how he feels on the subject. To which you should just say okay and move on to someone that isn't going to hold your dating history against you.
Nothing is fair, but we all have our preferences. I've personally never dated a black man or woman, but have dated interracially. I have a pinoy now. He's so wonderfully awesome.
@supanamja@xanga - LOOOL
It doesn't really seem like he shoved his beliefs on you, he just told you what his preferences are. It's like taking a french fry and dipping it in ranch, and then your friend says "Ew, I don't like ranch, you can have that fry, I prefer ketchup." You aren't going to remain mad or disturbed just because your friend doesn't like ranch, will you?
In my opinion, interracial couples don't bother me one bit. I'm an open minded person and I have more serious and passionate things to worry about
you know where i used to live there were many people with that kind of outlook on things or who were basically racist, some admitted it and others didn't. Most were hypocrites. Many of the guys would feel that way about women with black men but of course, it's okay if they have been with a black woman...ummm hello? really? They also feel that way about Spanish people too...how dare you date/hook up with a Spanish guy! We would get into arguments about it until I realized that they were just going to stay ignorant hypocrites. I'm going to be with who I want, and I'm not going to judge others based on what or who they like either. Let that guy be on his way because that's one argument that you'll never win with him. There are much cooler people out there in the world who are worth your time and effort.
@supanamja@xanga - This was totally what popped in my mind first too. XD
Otherwise, I'm with you OP, I don't see why it matters either.
Dating history could actually be important, but not for reasons like race. More like, why you were attracted to a person, how it ended, etc.
Sidenote: A love of hunting and fishing does not equal being a racist, or being in denial about being racist. You seemed to equate the two things.
what a ridiculous thing to say..what a ridiculous way to think.........I would've replied " I can't be with a racist in-denial that would miss out on a wonderful person because of the people she may or may not have been involved with in her past"
what a fucktarded douche....scratch him off..find someone with a little more decency, diversity and open-mindededness.@anndel@xanga - I dated a guy who was half black and half Italian, and we would always get dirty looks from people when we would go out. I just can't grasp why people are stuck in the stone age when it comes to interracial dating. It's the 21st century, people. Not that big of a deal these days.
I disagree. Dating history does matter. The only case that it doesn't is when someone is so special that everything else doesn't matter. Then you've got something special.
he's afraid his dick is too small...
Inter-racial relationships are normal where I come from. I really don't see anything wrong with them.
When I was younger though, my mom was about to start dating a man until he met me and announced that he can't be with a woman who has a black child.
My boyfriend has said the same thing. It definitely bothered me, but we grew up in totally different environments and he's entitled to his feelings and beliefs. I grew up in Southern California where people are really laid back and pretty much anything/everything goes. I also have a lot of friends who are interracial. He grew up in a part of Texas which is way more conservative than where I'm from. I don't know if he still feels the same way. This conversation happened when I was 17 and he was 19, now I'm 21 and he's 23 so his feelings might have changed since then.
My parents don't want me to date black guys, mexican, latino, ect but they just DON'T like it. That's all.
My grandparents, uncles - except Uncle Pedro, and aunts wouldn't approve. They say if I date anyone that's not Asian perferabley Korean or Vietnamese or White then I have to break up with them whatever it takes..
I don't regularly date people outside my race though because it's easier for them to understand things.
@supanamja@xanga , @enoughtodiefor@xanga- Beat me to it.
Isn't this a repost? o-o
@supanamja@xanga - How was this not the first comment? This is exactly the reason why. The guy isn't racist he just has a small dick.
does he look like a stereotypical redneck with beer belly or like the king of the hill cartoon tv show?:D
he might be intimidated. black men tend to have impeccable style. the ones that I've seen have self discipline, who workout, look like the armor was built into their abs, because their bodies are that chiseled. they often have the sexiest voice and some of my favorite love songs are sung by black men. the ones that I've known can dance and are so freaky deaky
others have already mentioned the well endowed factor as another possiblity and I can attest to that personally lol of course not all are like this but I'm biased because I favor black celebs and black men in general just ooze sex appeal. pharrell and tyson beckford anyone
my significant other is half black and I usually find interracial men hot.
@supanamja@xanga - You're hilarious, that's what I was going to say!!!
He clearly doesn't like you as much as he's willing to say he is because he states this ridiculous condition about a woman who has ever dated a black man.
That's like telling me (Korean girl) that a guy can never be with me if I was with a white guy (I'm 5ft10, where do you think I find the tall guys to date in the first place?) which is CRAP. No man can put a restriction to whom I've been with or who I should want to be with some stupid condition.
Tell him you don't want his narrowminded dumbass. Bleh
Um, he's lying. So...do you want to date a racist?
You know, I know many guys who say this. An ex told me this and quite a few friends during relationship conversations.
Like seriously? I'm not even wasting my time on a guy like that. Oh yeah, and most of their reasoning has to do with dick size. That they wouldn't want to be with a woman who had sex with a huge penis, saying that the woman would be all torn up. Isn't that crazy? Humans. -_- Disappointing.
Tell this idiot that NO ONE is of a "pure" race because we ALL had to start somewhere, and the majority of us did NOT start in America. Then tell him to kiss your cute ass and keep it moving.