Tuesday, 23 August 2011
-
My Shoebox
Let me begin this with a quick background, I met a special young lady about 4 years ago and fell in love. I'm very sure about things in my life and there was no doubt, as every inch of my body and soul told me she was the one. No one is perfect but in my eyes she was; beautiful, smart, fun, etc. Anyway, we were long distance for about 2 years, but this isn't a tale of happily ever after.Things ended about a month ago, it's not a break, or "time off," or anything like that. It's over. For good. She said she fell out of love...and that's okay. I'm too logical of a guy not to understand. But yes, of course I'm heartbroken...I planned on finishing college and wanted to ask her to marry me.
So anyway here I am, trying to do anything and everything I can to not kill myself. Which leads to "my shoebox." And I say mine...because I'm sure many of you have one too. It's filled with countless letters, notes, gifts, and pretty much filled with love.
I feel like I won't ever get through this with all this stuff in my presence...but am I just suppose to throw it all away? She threw what we had away so I guess I should....
Don't get me wrong I'm as heartless as they come, and Im a total dickhead. But not when it came to her...she took a place in perhaps the only soft spot in my heart. So I just don't know what to do with all this.
I'd also like to point out how I used my favorite shoe box to save all these memories. Doesn't seem like a big deal...but I love my sneakers so trust me, it is.
Do any of you have a "shoebox?" Are you still with the person? If not, what did you ever do with it because I'm simply at a loss.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: jkllr91@xanga
- Name: Jeshan
- About Me: Im a Lover... Like the Phoenix I will never die... and will always rise up from the ashes.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 2848 Comments: 0 37 View all posts by jkllr91@xanga
Comments (21)
I was in a similar situation, but I was left with a memory box that my ex made for me (made the plans, bought the wood, put it together, stained/decorated it, the works). We've been broken up for almost a year, and I just haven't done anything with it. I'm not sure what to do with it... so it just sits in the back of my closet.
don't throw it away...it's part of your life. You'll regret it in the future if you do.
just stash it out of sight.
Who knows, maybe years from now, you get back and get married!
I had a bunch of stuff. I still have it somewhere hidden. I burned a bunch of the pictures but I could never get rid of the gifts or the cards or the letters. He was my first love, and a part of me still loves him. You know you love someone when you can't get rid of the things they gave you. My last boyfriend, all I kept was the coat he bought me for Christmas because I really wanted it and it's super warm. Don't keep loooking at the stuff though because it will just make you sad and make it harder for you to move on. My boyfriend and I were together for three and a half years and he fell out of love so I understand where you're coming from. It just takes time. Someday, you'll be able to look at all of those things and just feel the love and memories without becoming so sad.
After about a year, my ex and I got neat stationary boxes. One for her, one for me and had our nicknames written in the front. We put all our love stuff in it like you. We were together for almost 4 years, so our box was STUFFED. Upon breaking up, I tore everything down and put everything of us into that box. Of course it couldn't fit everything and I had to shove and fold up a bunch of stuff to make it fit. After everything I could fit was in there, I duct taped it shut. I promise myself to never open it again. I got a huge plastic bag and placed the box in it. I placed all of our matching couple shirts into the plastic bag and I stored it into the dark corner of my closet behind a bunch of un-worn clothes. I thought about throwing it away, but I didn't. If a new gf asks about it, I'm not going to lie to her. But I'm not gonna say I have a box of memories with an ex. My ex is my business and if I don't want to say, I don't have to say. I keep it because at one point in my life, all these things meant the world to me.
Throw it out. Any love letters, pictures, cards, emails, anything on Facebook, little craft projects, jewelry or shirts I throw away, donate, or delete. I like to do all of this after I've given myself a few days to cry and be sad about it.
Holding onto things like that makes me feel like I'm being held back by something of my past. I already have the memories, what do I need those items for? To drag it physically into a new relationship? To know that it's somewhere stored in my room and think about it when I'm alone? What is the point?
It takes up space and adds unnecessary clutter to my life.
I have a shoebox filled with memories. They are not just of one person though. It is filled with things that made me happen once upon a time, whether it was from a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend at the time... just basically anything. I know that a lot of people feel as though they cannot move on with these things around, but the truth of the matter is, it is not going to hurt you anymore than you are already hurting. You may even regret in the future throwing those things out. I know that I would have, and it's the exact reason that even though my boyfriend and I may have broken up, I wanted to keep everything. It was a reminder of who I was becoming, and how I became the person I am today.
You're going to grieve, and maybe you will grieve over the items that you have kept, but in decent time you will look back on the shoebox and just smile. You were lucky to have the time with the person you loved so much even if it didn't work out. If the relationship didn't end bitterly, then why hold bitter feelings and resentment? There is no point.
I didn't have a shoebox, but I had the notes and dead flowers and clothes. I dated the guy for maybe 2 years, and when we broke up I was totally miserable and read the notes and wore the clothes. After a while I looked less and less until eventually I forgot about it. Now I'm with my new boyfriend, we've been together about 7 months, (as if you care!) but anyways, when I realized I loved him and that I didn't love my ex anymore I didn't have a problem throwing away the flowers or notes. Still have some clothes and jewelry, but the only thing that would be hard to throw away is the ring that has engraved in it, 'I swear so sweetheart' which was like, our thing. I don't want to wear it out of respect for my new boyfriend, but to throw it away would be hard because it sort of symbolizes our relationship.
Pick one thing, and when you're ready throw the rest away.
ask someone you trust to keep it for you so you aren't tempted to look back through it all the time- that will really hold up the healing process.
The person I love the most in the world betrayed me so I threw out almost everything he ever gave me, wrote me, or that reminded me of him. I felt better, if not a little empty.
how can someone fall out of love with someone who cared so deeply for them? it's such a shame. it really is. i am really sorry for you man. i always tell my boyfriend that we will work together through anything so we can be together forever and i've stood by him. i hope he loves me as much as you love/loved that girl. my heart goes out to you.
and about the box, just stash it away. time will pass and one day it will make you smile to know how much you were loved.
This was well written.
I have a shoebox also, but can't get rid of it until I know for sure I can do it without regret.
Okay so your 18 - 21 and think you know what love is. No. That is not how life works. Don't say silly things like "I am trying hard not to kill myself", and then say "I am a total dickhead", "I am heartless", because no one is buying it. You kid are being way too hard on yourself. Life does not have to be as serious as you are making it. You had real feelings for this girl, but it didn't work out. You still have your whole life, and you are graduating from college so you have prospects. Don't put yourself down with "I am a total dickhead". Your not. Your post sounded like a kid struggling for answers, but who is too macho to admit he is hurt or doesn't deserve it. In real life shit happens to good people. And believe me pal, you are not as heartless as they come. You proved that by saying you loved her. I know heartless guys. They couldn't write this if I left them their whole lives to try.
Take a step back from your emotion, breath, and think. You have 40 - 60 years a head of you. Things didn't work out. Repeat to yourself, everyday, I am a great guy, and it is good that I care. And then go out and live man, live, because your forcing yourself into a corner right now, and guess what, the corner does not exist dude! You can learn from what happened and be better off for it. Don't cling to trinkets. You have memories, use them to build positive lessons, and then apply them to the future and the now. Life can only get better. Believe me.
I hope you come around. You took a big step sharing on here. If you want to talk, I am right here.
@anenigmaofsorts@xanga - Doesn't help as much as you hope does it? Helps a little, but never as much as you want it too. I also wanted it to purge the memories, but all it does is remove a small amount of stuff that can caused powerful flashbacks... a good start but never the whole thing. If only life were that easy :)
I just put everything from my recent ex, into a bag, and put it in the basement, and pretty soon, I'm moving away from this house
I had one from my last relationship and made my roommate throw it out for me because that relationship just wasn't great at all.
Huge shoe box. Filled with one years worth of sentimental objects, letters and whatever came out of that long distance relationship. At first I was heartbroken. In fact I put all the stuff in the shoebox to forget. But it wasn't working. So i buried it under my bed until I was sure I was over the pain. That way I didn't really throw the stuff away, but also didn't let it torment me day in day out. It'll be okay:)
i did have a shoebox of memories and i just cleaned it out recently. when i read all what was in it and looked at all that was inside of it, it made me laugh, cry and realize how much i've grown up. it's definitely ok to throw it away if you don't want to keep it. i threw out some things too bc i didn't want it in my shoebox anymore.
I had collections of items from a couple of past relationships and each time the relationship ended I threw them all away. Everyone deals with things differently, but I felt personally that it was easier to get over the relationship if all memories of it were gone. I felt a lot better when everything was thrown out. I felt like I could start fresh. Besides, if you ever start a new relationship, it might be awkward having things that remind you of the past one. At least it would be for me.
I used to give those boxes to my Mom. Shove them into her hands and ask her to burn them for me...
But last Summer I was up in the Attic and I found them. It was wonderful to go through them and remember what was. I left them up there, but for brief moments I was in different parts of the past. Don't burn it. Don't throw it out. In a few years you might want to look back (even if it's just to use a phrase from an old love letter in a new one!).
I'm in the don't get rid of your memories crowd. Someday you will be 40 and look back and be glad you kept these pieces of your past.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6CtAZ6NG0Y&feature=player_embedded
just as many have said before, keep it, or you'll regret it later.